Sunday, November 20, 2011

National Adoption Day

Whoops, I forgot that yesterday was National Adoption Day, I was just so busy yesterday…I didn’t even get on the computer…

Every day to me is adoption day, honestly there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about adoption and how it’s affected my life and my son’s.

It’s such a blessing, for all sides of the triad. It gives hope to all sides.

It gives hope to the birthmother who doesn’t know how she’s going to raise a child alone, or who just doesn’t want to raise a child. It gives hope to the adoptive parents, who have probably been through hell and back to try and have kids of their own, and who have probably done countless tries of IVF and who have might have been waiting for a child through adoption for years, and then one sweet day, they finally get their miracle. It’s hope for the children of adoption, they’re given a better life. And that is something to celebrate…

Thursday, November 17, 2011


So I haven’t done much on my 101 in 1001, but I did do this - Make a wish at 11:11 on November 11, 2011!

I posted it the other day, the picture of hubby and me, my wish is for my hubby to come home safely. It’s really the only thing that matters to me at the moment. His safety and his home coming!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011


I guess I should have explained it better when I said that I put on a good front. I don’t necessarily feel like it’s a front, but more that when I’m around other people I don’t feel sad, or get depressed. I’m not lonely. I prefer to be around people. But I know that I can’t be around people all the time. And so I’m working on not feeling so lonely when I am alone.

Thanks again to those who help me so much! Ya’ll are the best!!!

Monday, November 14, 2011


I feel myself sinking…slowing drifting into depression. Into the darkness.

This holiday season is fast approaching, and with that comes the 3rd birthday of my son, and the emptiness that I sometimes feel when it comes to him. It’s just not natural to carry a child for 9 months and give birth to a baby, and then proceed to go home empty handed and spend the rest of your life without them. I remember the first few weeks, luckily I never woke up in a panic thinking I heard him or afraid I’d miss a feeding. But I did feel empty, my arms felt empty. I’d rock myself to sleep, instead of an infant, because it felt so weird to be going to bed without him. I would cry myself to sleep, begging God to bring him back. Knowing that he was better off with his new family, and that I’d be better in time. Knowing that I did what was best for everyone involved. I gave the best gift to a family who could no longer have children, and I gave the best gift to my son - a mother, father and brother, 2 of those things I couldn’t give him, well, the brother part is something I could have eventually, but the dad part, sure I could have met someone to take the roll, but that void would have still been there, and he deserved to have a father, a loving father, a Godly father.  He will always know how much he is loved, and wanted.

But another reason I’m starting to feel a little depressed is because this will be the 1st Christmas without my husband home. It won’t be our first Thanksgiving apart, we spent our first Thanksgiving apart, and granted the circumstances are totally different, as he was in Hawaii and I was still home, it still stunk. But at least we got to spend last Thanksgiving and Christmas together. I’m going home to the mainland for Christmas. I’m not too excited about the traveling, but I’m looking forward to seeing friends and family. But it’s not going to be the same. By all accounts we’re lucky to have spent 2 Christmases in a row together, but it doesn’t make the fact that we’re not together any easier. And I just feel so bad for him, because he’s all alone, and I’ll be with friends and family…

I put on a good front for people, on the outside I look great, but inside, I’m slowly creeping inside myself. I know I have friends who won’t let that happen, and I’m so incredibly lucky.

So, to my friends and family, thanks in advanced. I love ya’ll more than anything!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Veterans Day


Happy Veterans Day to all those who serve, have served, who gave the ultimate sacrifice, and those on the home fronts.

“Land of the Free, because of the Brave” - Francis Scott Key

A special thanks to my husband and my grandfather for their service. I also have some other family members who serve, so thanks to them as well!

Thursday, November 10, 2011


Have ya’ll watched Awkward.? It’s that new MTV show.

My friends think I’m like Sadie, “every high school has one: the rich, popular bitch. But unlike every other mean girl stereotype, Sadie's got some cushion for the pushin'... which means there's more to love -- or in her case, hate.”

Now, before you think, gosh how horrible, they think you’re fat like her, that’s not it at all…they just think I sound like her when I say some things.

I try not to be as mean, but sometimes it comes out way wrong. And I don’t think they think I’m mean, it’s just mannerisms and what have you.

Let me know if you agree with them…

I’d think I’d be more like Jenna, since I blog, but I’m such a horrible blogger, who knows…

Friday, November 4, 2011

National Adoption Awareness Month

I know I know, I’m 3 days late…but we all know what a horrible blogger I am…
I am going to try and do some blog post for Adoption Awareness Month. But again, we all know how bad I am at this…
I do know that I have some stuff I want to talk about. So I guess I’ll just start…Oh and if you have something you’d like me to talk about, just let me know!
A couple weeks ago I was in therapy, I’m down to just once a month with her and every 3 months w/ my psychiatrist.
My therapy sessions have become mostly a social visit, and if there is something bugging me, or something I want to talk about we’ll touch on it, but it’s mostly just us talking about anything and everything.
She did ask me last time if I thought of my son often.
The short answer is yes, every single day..
The long answer is yes, but not like I use to. It’s no longer a deeply sad thing. It can be from time to time, and as I’m sitting here writing this it is, but as I told my therapist, I give myself a time limit.
I learned that technique in the hospital, allow yourself to grieve or cry or think for a set amount of time, and then when that time is over, move on. It might not work for everyone, but it helps me. And I found myself not needing to set a time limit any more.
I think about him daily, he’s always on my heart. I miss him. But I know that he’s happy, healthy, safe, and doing well, and that makes me happy.
I also thought I’d link to my Adoption Story, it’s 2 parts…
Part 1
Part 2