Why is it that the best laid plans always crumble?
Why is it when everything is going well things fall apart?
Why can people not see what is right in front of them?
I just don't understand. And I want to. I could scream right now. And not just for the sake of screaming, but scream at somebody. I've gotten things back on track with my life, I'm slowly moving forward. And then something wonderful comes into my life and then the next minute that wonderful is gone. And not just gone, but changed, like a totally different thing. Not what I thought it was. I sure got a couple answers yesterday I had been searching for. And they shocked the hell out of me. I never expected this to happen, and I didn't expect it to turn out this way either. I thought for sure it would have a happy ending, granted it still could, but I'm definitely not waiting around.
I started a new job. I love it. I love that it has nothing to do with kids. How horrible. I just can't be around them as much right now. Even though I was working with older kids they still some how reminded me of my son. I think it was the fact that I won't get to see my son grow up to be that age, and that I'll only get pictures and letters to show me how he's growing up. I don't second guess myself, I know I did the right thing. But I sure do kick myself for getting in this situation and I could castrate the man who put me here. I try not to hate him, and I don't think I hate him, but I have never in my life felt so much dislike towards another human being. Yes I know that I was to blame for the situation, yes I take responsibility for my actions, but it does take two to tango and well, I was not alone in my actions and I got the shit end of the stick, and here he is still with his girlfriend and not having to deal with the ramifications of OUR actions. People keep telling me he'll get his, but when. I think he should have to deal with it NOW like I'm having to deal with it, and like I'm going to have to deal with it the rest of my life. It's not fair. And I'm sure you're thinking, life isn't fair, and I know this. But this really isn't fair.