Monday, February 16, 2009

The goings on in MY life

I've met someone. I'm really happy about it and at the same time scared to death. After all I've been through in the past year I'm not ready for this. But for some reason my head and heart are telling me otherwise. We've not taken the next step, we're just friends who like one another, but I think I'll be ready sooner than I thought. Who knows. I just hope it doesn't end up like the last few relationships. And I personally don't see that happening.

I am doing outpatient at Valley after spending 8 days in inpatient. The whole adoption has really taken it's toll on me. It was so much harder than I thought it would be. I'm glad I did it, and I know I did the right thing, it just hurts like hell. I know the child is better off, but that doesn't change what I'm feeling or how I feel towards him. It was a little boy - he was 7lbs 9oz and 20 3/4 in long. He looks like his father who doesn't think it's his still - but that is neither here nor there.

I'm doing a lot better, and I really hope it has something to do with the new boy, but that it isn't the only thing making me happy right now. I don't want to have to have him in my life to be happy, and I'm so up and down that it is hard to tell what triggers my moods these days.

I'm thinking about going back to school in the Fall but I need to start saving money NOW...I think I'll go to UTC and finish my teaching degree. I thought about doing the 2+2 program at Chatt State, but idk about it. I'm going to have to really do some research and find out what I want to do and where I want to go.

Please just pray for me, for guidance and knowledge.

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