Wednesday, July 29, 2009


The adoptive parents gave me a basket of things at the hospital. One of those things was a journal. Maybe tomorrow I'll take pictures of the basket and journal and post them on here! It was truly a great gift!

So, I started a journal shortly after my son was born. I had been toying with this idea for a while, I've kept a journal off and on throughout my teenage years and in college. Before they gave me the journal I had thought about writing about my experience to my son.

I'm a pretty stubborn person, I came to realize that while pregnant - my old therapist told me that I was, and after looking back at how I handled certain things in my life, I had an epiphany - I AM STUBBORN.

I knew the adoption was going to be hard. I had expected that. I mean, who expects that handing over your only child would be a piece of cheesecake?(I've been reading a lot of The Pioneer Woman today!) I mean really - people are just DUMB if they think this is an easy way out. (That is another topic for another day mind you) Well, my stubborn self decided I didn't need to write to get through this, and that I didn't need to talk about my feelings.

BOY was I wrong, seeing as I ended up at Valley in January. (The local mental health hospital)

You see, half way through my pregnancy my therapist took a new job, and left me for a job that allowed her to work from home. Well she did set me up with my therapist now, and this is where my point comes in.(if I even have a point...) Up to a certain point, I can't really remember when, I never left her office with a dry eye. It was so foreign to me to cry in therapy. I hardly ever cried with my other therapist. I was almost ready to quit seeing this therapist because I didn't want to cry any more. HUGE MISTAKE! Glad I didn't make that one! She suggested I start a journal, so I told her about my idea about writing to him. And she thought it was a wonderful idea. I had heard about that idea a few years back. It's always easier to write to someone than just to write to nobody.

Well last night I wrote in my journal for the first time in over a month. I hadn't been doing a very good job at keeping it up. (big shocker there, huh) And I had been wanting to write in it on every 10th of the month, seeing as he was born on Dec. 10. Well this month I forgot, well I thought about it, but just neglected to for no other reason than I didn't know what to say. Not only was it his 7 month birthday but it was my 24th birthday. The last few entries in the journal I seem to be repeating myself. Telling him how sorry I am I haven't kept it up, and how I'll do better. And I really let that get to me last night because I was like, WOAH, those are empty promises and if he sees them as those then how are we going to have a positive reunion. We wouldn't.

Anyways, I'll get to what I was trying to tell you about now since this is clearly LONG enough. I decided (and told him in my entry last night) that I would no longer just write willy-nilly. I would however, choose ONE (or 2) things to write about and then close. So I haven't started yet, but I think I might start tonight, erm this morning. (3am much)

If you got to this point in the entry, thanks for reading. Sorry I was so long winded tonight.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Show us your life - Wedding Dress Edition

A friend of mine, Christie did a thing from this site last month called Show Us Your Place Friday and now they're doing Show Us Your Life Fridays, the site is Kelly's Korner.

This week is Show Us Your Life - Wedding Dress

Well, I'm not married, but every little girl dreams of their wedding day and has a picture of their perfect dress. So if I could have any dress it would probably be this one I found the other day when looking around.


It's a Mori Lee by Madeline Gardner, I would probably loss the ribbon. Or exchange it for a pink or green one, seeing as I want my wedding colors to be pink and green.

Next week Kelly's Korner is doing wedding party - so I'll post the bridesmaids dresses and stuff I liked next week!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


So I haven't updated in a while, not really sure why. Just haven't. A lot has happened since I posted last. I got laid off June 19, and have been looking for work ever since. I just can NOT find one. Nobody is hiring. And I filed for unemployment the following Monday (June 22) and have yet to receive a check. I went to the career center and asked about it. Apparently since I wasn't with my last company for a whole year they had to use my last job to draw from. Well the problem with that is the school system is slower than cream rising on butter and is holding up me getting money. My last pay check was June 25, and somehow I miscalculated and ended up overdrawing 310 bucks. And the bank is calling and calling and I just don't have the money. Even if I had put my birthday money in the bank I still would have been overdrawn. That's another thing that happened since my last post - I turned 24! woohoo...lost my insurance, GREAT! Now I have no money and no insurance and no way to get the meds I need so I don't end up in the hospital again. WOOHOOOO....Life rocks....The whole point of leaving the after school job was in order to get insurance once I turned 24. And they up and lay me off. And now there are no jobs whats so ever in Chattanooga.

Another lovely thing (sarcasm you see) that happened is Steven left for Oklahoma a few weeks ago. I miss him so very much. And if I don't get a job I'm going to go spend a week with him. A part of me does NOT want to get a job, but I sure do need it. Before Steven left for Oklahoma we went to visit my Grandparents in Virginia. We took a trip to DC while there because Steven had never been there and it had been many years since I was there. We had a great time, but it was a horribly short trip. I did get to see my bestest friend while up there. She and her hubs moved up to Fort Belvoir a few months ago, which is like 5 minutes from my grandparents house. So we all went to dinner with them, my grandparents and they also invited my Aunt, Uncle and 2 Cousins. So they got to meet my boyfriend! After we went to see them we went to his hometown and spent some time together. We spent the 4th of July with his family and shot off fireworks. It was a great time. But it was all too short. He'll be in Oklahoma until Oct. 27 and I guess he won't be getting home until the 28th or 29th. Then Dec. is when we go to Hawaii! I can NOT wait! I'm super excited!