Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Deployment número uno

My husband left a few days ago. He'll be gone a while, 12 months. I haven't really written about it much on here since this is mainly my adoption blog, but I figured I'd owe ya'll an explaination as to why I've not posted in a really long time.

So, back in March we went to the mainland, we were there for 2 weeks, and I really didn't have a computer to update one when I was there. We had a good trip. It was so stressful though. I'm glad to be back home. We spent time in Atlanta, Dahlonega, and Chattanooga. We saw everyone we could, and spent as much time with them as we could. It was hard to fit everything in but I think we did a pretty good job. I am not looking forward to another trip like that though, if I'm being honest. I told people I'd be back while the husband is deployed, but quite honestly, I don't know if I want to. I'm happy in Hawaii, and I'm comfortable here. Plus, flying to the mainland is SO expensive.

I'm doing a lot better with this than I thought I would, I have only really cried when he was getting on the bus, and other than that, I've been fine. That may make me sound like a heartless bitch, or that I don't care about him, but I do care, and I am not heartless, I just know that there is no use in crying for him when he isn't going to be able to do anything for you. I've gotten emails almost every day, and he's called a few times. It's hard though, because the internet where ever he is sucks, and there is a delay. We mostly email and skype IM. I've been keeping somewhat busy. I've been sick, so that makes it hard to stay super busy. I just mostly want to lay in bed and watch tv. And I don't know if it's because of the deployment or the illness. It could be both.

I've been missing my son lately too. It has been almost 5 months since I got an update, and I'm hoping I get one soon. It's suppose to be every 6 months, so I'm hoping for May. I know every time around the time I'm suppose to get an update I get upset, and think they won't send one, but I think that's just a fear all birth parents in semi-open adoption have. It's natural, if you think about it. Especially if it's been a while, I know for me, it's kind of like, did they forget about me, do they know it's time, I just hate the not knowing. And I hate not having control. I also hate the fact that they didn't acknowledge the package I sent them. A simple thank you note would be nice, or a little note saying they got it. I don't think they need to thank me for it. But just let me know you got it. Let me know you liked it, or let me know if he enjoyed the book I sent. I got the book for free, and I want to know that they use it, that they read it to him, and that I didn't win the book for nothing, that it could have gone to someone else, who would have used it. I guess I may never know, but I hope they at least tell me in the next update.