My name is Amanda, I'm a newlywed Army Wife. We recently moved to South Carolina from Hawaii. Before we met I had a son that I placed for adoption with friends who could not have any more children. We have a semi-open adoption. I hope to help other girls who have been in my situation get through it and make the best decision for her and her baby.
I got a few pictures in my email, as part of my update. They're from his bday party in December. He's so big, I can't even imagine how big he is now...I'm sure even bigger then the Dec pictures.
He looks happy. And that makes me happy. It makes my decision easier to cope with. Not that he might be unhappy had I kept him. But just that it helps solidify that I did what was best. I'm looking forward to more pictures and a letter. Ya'll just don't know how much these things mean to me...
So I haven't gotten an update yet, but I did hear from the adoptive mom, and one is on its way. She is going to email Christmas and birthday pictures and then snail mail the other pictures and a letter. Some things came up and that's why its been a while. She sent me a fb message, it was definitely a surprise, a good one. So my waiting is going to pay off...
So, I always tell my father and grandfather’s Happy Father’s Day, but for the most part, Father’s day for me is just any other day. I think if the sperm donor had been better to me, I might feel differently, but since he was such a jerk, and never really ever took responsibility for our son, I just don’t care for the day. And I don’t think I ever will until my husband and I have children of our own.
Someone at one of the adoption/birthmom blogs I follow mentioned doing a birthfather’s day, like there is birthmom’s day, but for me, I don’t feel like they deserve a day. I know there are birthfather’s out there who are great guys, and who helped the birthmom out, but since that wasn’t my experience, I have no reason to want to celebrate them. I’m sure this isn’t going to be a popular outlook on it, but it’s my personal feelings, and my personal opinion, and I think I’m justified in feeling this way because of the experience I had. And if you don’t like it, then just keep your mouth shut, we can just agree to disagree.
The adoptive father has done more for him in the 2 1/2 years then the sperm donor could have ever done in 18+ years. It’s sad to think about it, it’s upsetting and frustrating, and it pisses me off.
It’s not fair that he just moved on with his life, acted as if this never happened. I’m sure if you asked him if he had kids he’d say no. But here I am taking on the sperm donor’s responsibility and going on with my life the best way I know how. And trying so hard not to allow my personal feelings for this guy influence how my son will feel about him.
I don’t know what the sperm donor is doing these days, and for all we know in 10 years he could be married and a wonderful father. But for now, he’s just a dead beat sperm donor who doesn’t even deserve a blog post about him, but yet, here I am…
And if anyone has a problem with me calling him sperm donor, read above, keep your mouth shut, we can just agree to disagree.
Day 21 — Write a letter to: Someone you judged by their first impression
So, I’ll write it to someone who I judged poorly, and was proved OH SO WRONG…
I’m so sorry I judged you, and I know now that I was sooo wrong about you. I’ve come to appreciate you and adore you. You’re awesome, and I hate that I was so wrong, but I was, and I’m sorry.
Tell me: A song that you listen to when you’re happy
Show me A photo of something that makes you happy.
Day 22 — Write a letter to: Someone you want to give a second chance to
Tell me: A song that you listen to when you’re sad
I know I’ve posted this song before, but it usually always cheers me up when I’m sad, and it is our song, since our relationship has almost always been long distance, it’s fitting, and especially now that he’s 7000+ miles away…
I want to know: Your deepest fear.
Right now, losing my husband while he’s deployed.
In general, rejection, being alone…
Write A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
I can’t believe you would do that, I can’t believe you would stoop so low. That’s a low blow, really. Please start taking responsibility for your actions in things, and stop blaming others for what is wrong in your life. I have done nothing to you to make you feel that way, and I can’t believe you would even go there. And you wonder why people don’t talk to you much or often, it’s because it’s unpleasant, and it’s never about the other person, always about you, and what you feel people are doing wrong, when it’s you who is in the wrong…
I’m hosting an online party, I wasn’t going to post it on here, but I’m so close to my goal, so I figured why not.
Head over here, and click on my name, order from the party, you want to direct ship, or else it will ship to me, and then I’d have to send it to you, which I would do, but that can get expensive.
I'm still waiting for an update. But I think I'm okay with that. At least in this moment I am. And we all know how things, emotions, can change on a dime.
I usually don't talk about the Army Wife side of my life on this site since I have a blog just for it, but I'm going to talk about it today...because the emotions are the same as with the adoption, in that they change on a dime.
I went to a welcome home ceremony last night, 2 of my neighbors just got home. It was bittersweet. I almost cried as they were coming in from the busses, but I was able to get it together. I cannot wait for it to me waiting for my husband to come in from the busses.
We are 1/6th of the way thru this deployment. I think I like thinking of it in fractions. It makes it seem less daunting. And it makes it seem like its moving faster than say using percentages.
Anyways. I think I'm off to bed. I didn't get to sleep til 3am, and woke up at 9am...
I plan on sleeping in tomorrow.
Oh and I don't think I will ever use the computer to update my blog now that I have the Blogger app on my phone lol!!!
I'm not sure what is going on, but I keep checking the mail daily for an update. I got the last one in November, so if I've done the math right, its been 7 months.
He's 2 1/2, so I thought it was still every 6 months. There was nothing in the last update to make me think they weren't going to send one in 6 months. I know things happen and they are probably busy. But even if you're busy, you could sit down and write a few sentences saying, hey sorry things are busy, we don't know when but we will send some pictures.
I mean, I know I didn't send an update until Jan, but I wanted to get pictures and stuff put together, and I was kind of hoping for a short update after his birthday and Christmas. But I don't have a schedule to keep on. I didn't say I'd update on me, you're the ones who wanted something, and I obliged. I don't think I've over done updates, I send them after you send one. I send mothers day cards, and you don't send me one, I just don't understand. I honestly don't think I over stepped any boundaries, and I would think that since we are all adults they would let me know if I have. I wouldn't think they'd just stop updates altogether. I know its still early June. But its been 7 months...maybe they're waiting for my birthday...but why? That'll be 8 months by then.
I know I worry every time it comes time to get an update, but I've never had to wait this long. And I do feel bad, I know they don't owe me anything, but I don't feel like its too much to ask that they keep their word. And I never thought they'd be the type of people too go back on their word.
But then again, they've done some things I didn't think they ever would....(that's another issue for another day)
