Monday, July 18, 2011

Show Us Your Life

Go here to link up…
July 15 - How did you share to your husband and families you were pregnant? (In my case, the baby daddy (or sperm donor as I like to call him), not husband)

So, I told the sperm donor first, over the phone…since he had a girlfriend, I didn’t want to text him, as that wouldn’t be cool if she got the text and not him. I didn’t want to rat him out, as it wasn’t my place. He was adamant that it wasn’t his, and that he couldn’t have gotten me pregnant, because a gay friend wanted him to be the sperm donor and they couldn’t use his sperm because of a low sperm count. Which doesn’t mean much, it was low, not zero. He pretty much wanted nothing to do with me, or the baby. And he didn’t want his girlfriend to find out. So we didn’t talk but a few times over the course of the pregnancy, and have only talked once or twice since his birth, and the last time I heard from him was almost 3 years ago. Which is fine by me.

I told my father before my mom, and it was while I was making pasta…I had no idea how to tell him, so I just blurted it out. His first words were “I already knew” and then he asked my plans for the baby and that I should think of adoption. He was super supportive of me, and helpful. His girlfriend at the time was also very supportive and wonderful.

Now, I told my mom after I had already decided that adoption was the way I was going to go. And she wasn’t very thrilled with the idea. She wanted to raise him, and as much as I would have loved to have him in my life. I just knew that it wasn’t what was best for him. I think she sees now that what I did was for the best, and that things worked out how they were suppose to.

I told my dad’s parents over the phone, after I decided on adoption, and because I knew they wouldn’t judge me or be upset with me. I mean, I’m sure they were upset by it, but I knew they wouldn’t hold it against me. I did not tell my mom’s parents, and up to this point, I don’t think they know. I had just dropped out of college, and I felt like I had let them down so much, and I had done that before, so I couldn’t bare upsetting them and disappointing them again. It was and still is very hard to keep that from them. But I think it was for the best.

I emailed the couple I had in mind for the adoption, and asked them to pray about adopting him. They ended up feeling that he wasn’t their child, and actually mentioned the family that ended up adopting him. Not only did they mention them, but another friend brought it up. AND on top of that, I had been thinking about them as well. They had just gone through some things, and were unable to have any more children, and I had known they were wanting to adopt, their plan was 2 biological children and then adopting. It just so happens God has different plans for them. We emailed back and forth while I was pregnant, and they ended up asking for my number, and calling and asking me if they could pray about it. So they did, and ended up adopting him. It’s amazing how God works things out.

I tried to keep the pregnancy quiet on Facebook. But people found out, and that’s fine. I ended up telling some people, other people decided to take it upon themselves to tell others. And that to me, is just hurtful. Why would you tell someone else’s story, that wasn’t yours to tell. I never confronted them. I never really brought that up before. Anyways, I’m not quite sure why I didn’t want it all over Facebook, mostly because I was embarrassed. I was ashamed that as an educated, 23 year old, I got myself in this situation. I know I shouldn’t have been ashamed or embarrassed. But I think everyone goes through that.

Eventually, I put it out there that I had a child, and placed him for adoption. I can’t remember how I did it. But it just came out. And I’m glad it did. I hope it helps someone else in my situation to make the decision to place their child, if that’s what’s best for the child. I love hooking up with people who have gone through what I’ve gone through, and I’m just hoping to help 1 person.