Monday, January 30, 2012

The light


the_light_at_the_end_of_the_tunnel_1280x960*courtusy of swagbucks*

So, It’s almost February. Which means we’re ALMOST at the end of this deployment. I cannot wait, this deployment has taught me a lot about myself. It’s taught me a lot about being married, and about our relationship…I know the LT has learned a lot as well. I’m not quite sure what all he’s learned, and that is really a post for him to do, if he so chooses.

Our future in the Army is really really uncertain. And when most of the friends I’ve made during this deployment know their next step, the LT and I don’t know ours. It’s scary, and I’m getting really tired of people asking me what’s next. And I really really don’t like talking about what’s going on. For a few reasons, one being I have no idea what is going on. I just know that things aren’t set in stone yet, and we’re in a holding pattern.

I just can’t wait for him to be home, so we can figure this out. This whole not getting to talk to him a lot really is for the birds, and I’m trying to be okay with it. But when I see others who get to talk on the phone with their husband daily, sometimes multiple times a day, it makes me feel like shit. It’s not that my husband doesn’t want to talk to me, it’s just that he’s busy. And that he doesn’t have access to internet or phones like others. I can’t get mad at him. I don’t ever get mad him for it. He’s in a warzone for crying out loud. So getting upset that he hasn’t called or texted or messaged is pointless.

I usually don’t stress if it’s been 23 hours since the last Facebook message, but I always laugh at myself when I see that, and think of all those insecure wives who flip if it’s been 12 hours. Can you just see how they would react if this was WWI, WWII, Korea, Vietnam when you probably got NOTHING, no R&R, these deployments were way longer than 12 months… Or when we first got into Iraq and Afghanistan when all you got were censored letters. You’d have no idea where exactly your husband was, what he was doing, or how he was doing. We are SO lucky these days, that people take it for granted…