Wednesday, April 24, 2013

National Infertility Awareness Week

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, April 21-27. I know many people who suffer from infertility, I've seen the ups and downs they've felt. And I've felt them for them as well. I'm in no way comparing placing my son for adoption to the feelings that those who suffer from infertility feel when the people around them are getting pregnant and having children. But I know how much it can hurt.

We've been trying since he's been home, so going on 12 months. We even talked with an ob/gyn when we were in Hawaii because my PCM (Primary Care Manager) was convinced I had PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) even though the blood work and ultrasound came back negative. The ob/gyn explained it might take us a little longer since I was on anti-depressants for so long, and my body needs to start ovulating again. He said the anti-depressants made me stop ovulating.

I started having really irregular periods in July '11, before I stopped taking the anti-depressants. I stopped the anti-depressants in March/April '12. My longest cycle was 58 days, I had 3 cycles that were all over 45 days back to back. By August '12 I had two 12 day cycles, so that's why I called my PCM. Since that second 12 day cycle though, things have become more "normal." I'm hoping that means I've started ovulating. I've tried to use ovulation kits, but I'm not sure I'm doing it right, and I think that might be the only way I know if I ovulate because I can't tell, maybe I'm just not that intune with my body. Maybe I'm dumb...who knows...

We have decided that before we get that referral to a reproductive endocrinologist (fertility specialist) we're going to give it a few more months. I'm trying not to put too much pressure on myself but it's hard when the biggest fear I had after placing my son seems to be coming true. I know God has a plan for us, and I know whatever he decides will be awesome!

For more information on infertility, National Infertility Awareness Week, and how you can be a part of the movement, check out these two links:

Basic understanding of the disease of infertility
About National Infertility Awareness Week

Monday, April 8, 2013


Something I watched yesterday got me thinking. It was a Sunday, so nothing was on, so we were watching a Kourtney & Kim Take Miami marathon. On part 1 of the finale Kim is talking to Scott about babies, and what she'd do if she became pregnant. Clearly she either didn't know she was pregnant, or wasn't telling anyone. Because when asked what she'd do, she said she wouldn't "get rid of it" because that would be "selfish." It's unclear what she meant by "get rid of it" but either way, it kind of pissed me off.

Whether she was speaking of adoption or abortion, there are many different reasons for choosing one or the other. And not all of them are selfish. Of course, there are those women with less than honorable reasons, I'm not arguing that. I just can't help but defend the ones who weren't selfish in their decision to place their children. Because, when I made my adoption plan, the only person I thought of was my son. And what was best for him. I wasn't with his birth father, we weren't even speaking, and he had made it perfectly clear that a) he wasn't the dad, and b) he wouldn't help at all. And I knew that raising a child without a father was not going to be something I wanted to put my child through. A boy needs his father, just as much as he needs his mother. And I did not want to put my son through child support fights and have him questioning and wondering why his father didn't love him. So I gave him a great family, a mother and father and a big brother. I'm not saying I couldn't have done it, because I'm sure I would have found a way. What I'm saying is it wouldn't have been fair to my son. It would have been selfish of me to have kept him. But what I'm not saying is that single parents, or unwed parents are selfish, in any way shape or form. In fact, I have a great respect for them.

Anyways, that's what was on my mind. Take or leave it.