Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Outrageous protesters

I'm on my phone again and won't be able to link up but something I heard tonight really got my blood boiling. Now I'm not normally a pot stirrer. But this issue hits way to close to home.

So many men and women die in Iraq and Afghanistan and other countries we have military stationed every day. And to hear of a group of people who would protest a funeral of a dead soldier makes me so mad and sick at the same time. My friend Mel said it makes her mad and sad at the same time so she's "smad" ha I love that.

You bet your life I will not sit by quietly if something like this where to happen to me. I think what this father is doing is amazing. And the will power he showed by not killing each and every protester is amazing. And how any court could deny this man some sort of compensation is beyond me. But to make him pay for the court fees for the people who ruined his sons funeral is appalling. And I am so glad someone has stepped up to help this man fight for his son.

I am not saying you shouldn't protest or be outspoken about your beliefs. In fact I think you should. But I think you shouldn't go about it so distastefully. Not only are they spreading evil and nonsense but they are protesting against the very people who fight for their right to be able to protest. And not only that but they are sick and twisted to protest a funeral. And that isn't the first time they've done that. They especially go after gays and military.

I'm not sure the name of the young man who passed who was gay they protested because it was years ago. But they have been known to do stuff like this before.

They need to be stopped. They are also putting children on the picket lines and having them hold signs that read things about how God hates gays and dead soldiers and thanking God for 9-11. Its sick. I know the Bible never says God hates a certain group of people. Yes he tells us marriage is between a man and woman but that doesn't mean he hates gays. He loves us all. No matter what we've done or how far we've strayed.

There is a link to donate to the fund for legal fees. None of the money will go to the lawyers representing him. And if there is money left over it will go to veterans groups for education scholarships. The website is

Sorry about the long rant and I'm usually not this vocal about things. But being an army wife has opened my eyes to a lot of things. And one of them is a great respect for men and women who serve our country.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Thursday, March 25, 2010

I "heart" Thursdays pt 3

I am participating in this weeks I "heart"... at You and Me Plus Three. Go there now to add yours and read others!!

I meant to do this last week, but time just got away from me! I "heart" these posts, and I "heart" reading what Crystal has written. Her post this week is so sweet, and full of how much she "hearts" being a mom to her children, and how she "hearts" the things they do and the things they say! And her story is just so encouraging and amazing, and it makes me realize that life is precious, and that even when you feel like you are barely floating above water, something AMAZING is going on around you as well. I am so glad that I stumbled upon Crystal's blog and enjoy getting to know her more and getting to read more of her story! You should really check her out, she has 3 beautiful children, and an awesome story to share!!

I "heart" sleeping in, and I "heart" that I am allowed to!

I "heart" that the hubs is no longer going to be the Junior Officer, it just means we're one step farther in his career, and I'm so glad that he is finally in a Battery! It is so neat to watch his career grow and see him become the Officer he wants to be! I just love it! And getting to see him grow as a person is amazing!

I "heart" the HUBS!

I "heart" - I am in LOVE with the ladies I've met, and the promising friendships I hope to make!

I "heart" being able to watch General Hospital every day! Woohoo!

I "heart" playing Facebook games!

That is all I can think of now! I'm sure I will later, I think what I'm going to start doing is write things on a piece of paper dring the week that I "heart," so I don't forget things, ha!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

New look

Someone on the Blog Frog Community I frequent posted a link to this awesome site that has FREE blog templates for Blogger! I love the layouts and templates. They are super cute! I haven't looked at the prices for the customizable stuff but I'm sure it is pretty fairly priced.

I also went back to the original editor so I have spell check. That was one thing that was annoying to me. I like to be able to check my spelling, because I'm a horrible speller. And I always feel stupid when I do misspell a word. I'm an educated person, I should know how to spell. But I don't, ha! Oh well...I'm not a fan of this editor, but I like having a spell check. Am I just retarded and don't know where the spell check is on the new editor, or is there really no spell check?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

"My son" vs. "the baby"

So last week I was talking with a lady who I admire and look up to. Not only as a wife but as a Christian and mother. So when this topic was brought up I listened and took it into consideration. I even prayed about it and talked to a close friend about it. And also remember I'm human and might have misunderstood what she was trying to say and it happened over a week ago so its a bit foggy.
The lady, we will call her Q because well 'Q' is a left out letter I think (along with 'X' and 'Z' but I'm getting off topic, ha). Ok so Q said that calling my son just that, 'my son' I was not distancing myself enough away from the situation and that in order to move on I should use some generic term like 'the baby' or whatever. Now before you go saying what does she know or how does she figure, believe me when I say she knows. And for privacy reasons and what have you I can't divulged that info. So here we go, she also said to think about it and not stop just because she said to. I am a logical person and realize different people cope in different ways. And she reminded me of that because she mentioned that what works for one won't work for others. Which is totally true. I mean, really. I honestly can sit(lay) here and tell you I have been thinking and praying over this issue since last Tuesday. And I think I'm finally able to publicly say that no matter what I call my son he will always be just that, my son.
His last name might be different and I might not be there for every little thing but he is half me. He carries on my mom and dads genetics. Not his adoptive parents genetics. Mine. And I don't think changing what I call him will make my life any different. He is who he is. Just like I am who I am. (popeye just popped in my head 'I yams what I yams' ha) ok so now that it is almost 2 hours since we laid down and the hubs is sound asleep on my shoulder while I write this on my phone, I think its ok for me to go to sleep. It feels good to not be fighting this alone...I guess, or whatever. I'm super sleepy now and making no sense. So its my cue to stop this post right now. So good night or good morning.
(I'm praying this works since I'm emailing it to blogger from my phone, eeep)


I joined BlogFrog yesterday, I set up a community, not thinking anyone would visit it or come to my blog because of it. But I already have 6 people who have joined my community. I'm amazed. I found a great community with a ton of people, and some of them have just been so super nice and welcoming, nothing like what I encountered on Blogher, which is for another entry. Anyways, I just want to say thanks to those who have joined the community and who have expressed their thanks in what I've done through adoption. Someone even went as far as saying I'm fabulous, which is just so humbling because well, I don't think I'm fabulous! So to my new BlogFrog friends, THANKS!!!!!!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

BlogFrog Community

I started a BlogFrog Community for my site. It probably won't get anywhere, but I just thought it would be a neat idea. Somewhere to connect more with other Triad members. To talk about life and adoption, or just whatever you want. I'm going to post the link in this entry, but I'll add a button on my side bar tomorrow when I made one. I'll also probably do a rules blog to link back to so they are easily accessible. They won't be anything to outlandish, just simple and common sense things. I hope you join. You don't have to be a part of the adoption triad at all to join, but I'd like to keep it adoption related. My main goal with my blog was an outlet for myself, but the more I think about it, I want to reach out to other birthmoms and other triad members. I hope you join me!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

An extra helping of I "heart" Thursday

I started an entry on Feb 21 about being in a slump and having creative block. I deleted it, some of the stuff in it was just so retarded to even be thinking about that it hasn't been an issue.

I am going to talk about what I started talking about in it at first. The past few days I have been really depressed. I'm not sure what is going on. I'm glad that I have a doctor's appointment next week. I am going to talk with her about it. I wish I knew why I was in a slump, and why I felt the way I do, but I just can't put my finger on it. I know she is going to ask me why, but I honestly have no reason to be depressed. Well, I can think of one, and it is so trivial compared to what some people are dealing with. And it can be easily fixed when I find a job, but its this whole motivation thing. When I'm depressed I don't want to do ANYTHING...Showering is a chore, and the household chores seem like the most daunting tasks. My sleep is even suffering. It is just so amazing how a good nights sleep makes things so much better. But I toss and turn, and toss and turn, and wake up several times a night. On top of that I have these really crazy dreams. I know you dream during REM sleep, and it's the deepest sleep, and you're suppose to feel rested when you wake from it, but I don't see how dreaming crazy things, and realistic things is restful. And for me it really isn't restful. My doctor described it to me, and during REM your whole body is paralyzed, sorda...your brain doesn't send things to your body, so you don't move. So it is just your brain going. Still doesn't make me think restful, ha!

I think I'm going to just list some of the great things going for us right now, to maybe help me remind myself to be happy...and so I have something to come back to -- I know I did something similar on Thursday. But I feel I need an extra dose of I "heart" Thursdays.

I "heart" my husband more every day.

I "heart" my God so much.

I "heart" all the great friends I have.

I "heart" that my husband has a wonderful career.

I "heart" my man in uniform, and am SO proud of him and what his career stands for.

I "heart" the children my husband and I will have, even though we aren't expecting. I love the thought of children with my husband.

I "heart" the son that God trusted to me to carry for 9 months to just give him to his forever family.

I "heart" my family.

I "heart" having a roof over my head and food on our table.

I "heart" that at the end of this month we will have successfully paid off one of my debts.

I "heart" relaxing after a long day with my husband.

I think this is good for now, I do feel a little better about things. I wasn't expecting to feel overly happy, but I do seem to feel some relief from the funk. And I just love the thought of writing down reminders of what is good in our life when things don't seem that great elsewhere, or to show that all the good outweighs the bad.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I "heart" Thursday pt 2

I am participating in this weeks I "heart"... at You and Me Plus Three. Go there now to add yours and read others!!

I started this, and was trying to finish it but my keyboard is retarded. So it is kinda funny that something negative happened while I was trying to think of positives. I guess ironic would be a better word! HA!

I "heart" that God puts people in your life for a reason.

I "heart" that God shows you things you need to see, when you weren't aware of it.

I "heart" sunshine when it's been raining for days, but hate that it can start raining at a drop of the hat here.

I "heart" waking up in paradise, seeing the palm tree out our bedroom window.

I "heart" getting to know new people, and finding common ground with them!

I "heart"  twitter, ha!

I "heart" Facebook games, Hubs thinks I'm addicted, but I don't think so! :)

I "heart" getting chores done, but hate doing them.

I "heart" feeling acomplished when I do finish the chores.

I "heart" my awesome hubs even when we do disagree or argue!

Monday, March 8, 2010


So instead of the dishes, I'm playing on Facebook and updating my blogger. I also need to do all 6 days of my bible study for tomorrow...

I enjoy my bible study, I just have the hardest time taking time every day to go over it. And then I'm rushed to go through it the day before we meet. Each week I go through the whole, next week will be different. I say I'll do it every day and I'll spend the 15 min. each day. But something happens, I wake up late, I get sidetracked on Facebook, I get glued to the TV, the husband needs something, I have a doctor's appointment, or lets just face it, I'm too lazy to do it. I think this happens with housework too. I absolutely HATE doing housework, I get overwhelmed by it. Right now our sink is FULL of dirty dishes, and I just don't know where to begin. Normally I'd start by emptying the dishwasher, but for some unknown reason, the dishes in the dishwasher are not clean. My husband doesn't like to put the dishes in the dishwasher as he uses them. I'm not sure why, but it snowballs, and then we have several dishes in there. And I love my husband, and he's good at cooking things, but OH MY WORD, he's the messiest cook EVER and he doesn't clean up after himself. Which I end up doing, which isn't a problem, but it could be days before it gets done. For all the same reasons my bible study doesn't get done.

I've never liked to clean things, and growing up my room was a wreck. You couldn't see any floor except right by the door, so you could open it, and there was a pile of stuff up to your knee. It worked for me, I knew where things were, kind of like organized chaos. One time when I was younger, my father took ALL my toys out of my room, and told me that if I could not keep my room clean for a year he would give them to charity. He took all but a tube that was hidden way back against the wall under my bed. I'm not sure how I came to find them, I just know I did, and I was soooooo careful NOT to let him catch me playing with them. Well, one day he came into my room while I was playing, and he let me keep them, since I had known about them for a while and had been keeping my room clean. Well, that didn't last long! All through middle school and high school, and then in college when I lived at home, my room was a wreck. I was dead set on NOT doing that at my dads house when I moved in with him. And I did an ok job at it when I was in my brothers room, but once I moved across the hall, it got pretty bad again. I would clean it more though. Well, now that I'm on my own, I want to have a clean house, I do. But I don't want to work for it.

Even the blog seems to be slacking because of the lack of drive. (It's now 1:40pm, and the last draft was saved at 1:04pm - see...)

I don't understand why I'm not wired to do stuff. I see pictures of people's homes, and how beautiful they are, and how neat they are. How well put together they are. I just can't seem to do it. I have a stack of dishes to do, a pile of clean clothes to fold, that need to be put back in the dryer so they aren't so wrinkled, and a load of towels in the washer that I need to dry and fold. I just don't understand where the drive comes from, or why I don't have it.

So now I'm going to try and do the dishes and laundry...and work on my bible study...if I can tear myself away from the compture. I might wait, seeing as my soap comes on in 5 min. But we'll see....I might try to get the dishes done before then, yea, that's what I'll do...

Friday, March 5, 2010

Show Us Your Life

I'm an unemployed newlywed housewife who doesn't do anything but play on Facebook and watch General Hospital and Ellen so I figured nobody would want to know about my day, but I'll share anyways.

Actually, my day is a little more eventful than that....but this week, since his best friend is in town, it's been a lot of sight seeing, mall going and beach going, I'd like to fit the beach into my days more often now! I'm loving it!!

5:15am - Hubby gets up for PT

7:45am - Hubby gets home from PT, showers, eats breakfast

8:30am - Hubby leaves for work
9am to 11am I will wake up, except Tuesdays when I get up at 7:30am so I can be done showering when Hubby comes home from PT, I'll dry my hair while he showers

9am to 11am I have breakfast and get on Facebook to check on all the games I play there (it's quite sad, I think I'm addicted...) I also check my email, go to the forums and generaly fool around on the 'net...And since we're 5 hours behind most people on the mainland I have plenty to catch up on!
12-12:30pm - Hubby comes home for an hour for lunch

1-1:30pm - Hubby goes back to work

2pm to 6pm - I watch General Hospital and The Ellen Show, sometimes I feel to lazy to change the channel and will watch Judge Judy and then the news. All while playing on Facebook!

3:30 and 6pm - Hubby comes home from work (Thursday's he is suppose to come home at 3 or 3:30 for "Tropic Lighting Thursdays" - close of business is 3:30pm Post-wide)

After Hubby gets home from work we figure out what we're going to do for dinner. Either I have already started dinner when he gets home, or I start it if I'm cooking. He cooks a lot in our house. We don't have much we cook though, it's pretty standard, Hamburger Helper, Baked Spaghetti, Chicken Divan, Frozen Lasagna or Manicotti, Tacos, Sheppards Pie(thats a new one), sometimes we'll do BBQ Chicken, or I'll do Kickin' Chickin' seasoned Chicken, or Italian Seasoned Chicken, it just varies...but this is getting to be more about what we eat, than a typical day in my life, so that can be another post! ha!

Starting next Wednesday night we are doing the Dave Ramesy series, the Army Community Services(ACS) on Post is offering it for FREE to all Military families! I'm so excited about this because I think it will do wonders for us! I have heard nothing but GREAT things!

Every Tuesday morning, or well, most Tuesday mornings, I get up early to go to Bible Study. It's a ladies Bible Study, they have several classes to take and I decided to take the scrapbooking one, and found out this week that next "semester" the lady leading will be doing another scrapbooking one! I will totally be signing up for that!
Another thing we have at least once a month is a FRG meeting, a Hail & Farewell, and I have a doctor's appointment once a month as well. Other than that it's pretty up in the air what we do during the day.

I do dishes and laundry when needed, but it isn't every day, dishes are more every day than laundry, and speaking of laundry I have a basket full of clothes that need to be folded, I'm just lazy! Ha!

Another thing I want to start doing is going to the gym, there are some classes I want to take, to try and lose some of this baby weight that I just can't get rid of, but I have to wait til we get paid so I can buy a sports bra, exercise without one is pretty hard to do when your boobs are as big as mine! (God has blessed me, as the flatter chested ladies say! ha)

Go here to see the schedule for Show Us Your Life Fridays.
Go here to link up your post, or just see what other people's days are like!

Hope you enjoyed seeing what it is like to be an unemployed newlywed in Hawaii! I look forward to visiting your lives! And I'm sure people have so much more going on than I do! I look forward to the day when I can either be busy with a job or busy with a child!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

I "heart" Thursdays pt 1

I am participating in this weeks I "heart"... at You and Me Plus Three. Go there now to add yours and read others!!

I've come across a great lady through the Kelly's Korner - Show Us Your Life Series(on Fridays), Crystal, of You and Me plus Three and she does a thing called I "heart" Thursdays, and I think it is so cute and such a neat thing! So I'm going to start doing it. Maybe not every week, and I might post it on my other blog instead. But it is such a sweet idea, and a great way to remind yourself all the good things in your life that might be hard to see when things are rough.

I "heart" having my husbands best friend here this week!

I "heart" the beach, and am sad that I have not taken advantage of it being 20 min away more often...

I "heart" the 3-7 FA HHB FRG Ohana(family)!!!

I "heart" RAINBOWS!!!

I "heart" the new blogs I'm reading because of Kelly Korner's blog!! (You and Me Plus Three, Growing Our Own Garden)

I "heart" hearing about people who are pregnant!! (and there are quite a few of my friends who are expecting right now...several wives in my husband's unit are pregnant, I'll be not drinking the water, we aren't ready yet, ha)

I "heart" when my husband falls asleep on the sofa after work, he just looks so cute! (he just woke up or I'd post a pic, ha)

I think this is all I "heart" right now. It's pretty long...but I think you should really check out Crystal's blog - You and Me Plus Three, she's got three beautiful children and her youngest is the inspiration for I "heart" Thursdays! It's a sweet story!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

An explaination

I go through phases where I post on's Forum for Birthparents. And right now is a phase. I use phase for a lack of a better term, I think. I'll go faithfully every day for a few weeks, and then I'll go a month or two without even going there. But this time I've been going back for about 2 months now I guess. I post to give support. I post to gain support. I've asked questions, and I've answered questions. I have tried to be supportive and not hurt feelings. And I'd like to think I'm doing a pretty good job at it.

The Forum is open to all sides of the Triad! So anyone can post on any topic, there are sections for each Triad and for internation adoptions, domestic adoptions and foster parents. But you can post on any section. At times I feel like its unfair, and that an Adoptive parent shouldn't be on a Birthparent section. But I don't voice that because well, they can give us insight to how the parents who are raising our children might be feeling. I don't venture onto their sections. I stay on the Birthparent ones. Inside the Birthparent one are several sub-categories. One of them is Birthfather's. I hardly go into that section, as I have a very poor image of Birthfathers. I have read some great stories from Birthfathers, of their love for their placed children and the hurt they feel. But because of my situation and because the man who got me pregnant was not a good man, I can't call him Birthfather, I can't call him Dad. He is "sperm donor" to me, and he has always been that way. I'm sure it might offend some people, and while on the forum I referred to him as such and put a warning and apology that if it offended anyone that I was sorry and that it was not meant to offend. Someone explained how it might hurt my son's feelings later in life when we are in reunion to hear his "father" referred to as "sperm donor" and that I should rethink calling him that. I then replied that when referring to this man I do not use "sperm donor" to my son, never once in my letters or journal to my son has it been "sperm donor." But I can't call this man a father or dad. And I explained that. Well, apparently, according to her, because I have not seen anything telling me I can't use that term, it is against the rules of the Forum to use "sperm donor" in anything not related to artificial insemination. I have taken that into consideration, and won't call him "sperm donor" on the Forum, but this is my blog and I have no rules for myself, well, I do, but you know what I mean. So I will refer to him as "sperm donor" here and find something else to call him on the Forum. I explained to them on the Forum that I am NOT going to sugar coat my son's father and make him think he was a great man. This man is NOT a great man. He is a horrible person, and a poor excuse of a man. Not only did he get me pregnant, but he got 3 or 4 other women pregnant. Denying all 4 or 5 kids.

Someone else, who was in a similar situation with the her son and his birth father said that people do change, and that we don't know what he future holds. She gave a great example of how people do change. And how her son's birth father has changed and is a positive person in her son's life now that they are all in reunion. She said she was very weary of it and told her son to be careful and what not. So I know they can change, and we don't know what the future holds, but for now, and since the adoption is so new and he probably hasn't changed. He will remain "sperm donor" to me. And when the day comes that I am in reunion with my son, I will tell him about the man is father was, and since I don't have a relationship with this man now I will tell my son that I don't know what his father is like at the present time, just how he behaved and acted at the time of the adoption. It's the least I can do for my son.

Something else I want to say is that I do not place ALL blame on the "sperm donor" because I was just as much to blame as him. I put myself in the situation that got me pregnant. I have taken responsibility for my actions and I am dealing with the consequences. I never once meant to make it seem like I wasn't to blame for what I went through. I never once meant to make people think I was better than this. I know to a few I came off that way. And for those people I have talked it out and made ammends with them.

I never once claimed to be perfect. For in fact, I am so far from perfect it isn't funny.


I went through my past posts, and put labels. However, you can't see what they are on my site for each posts. Even though I have the settings to show it under the time stamp and what not. So who knows. Maybe it'll show up when I change my layout. But I'm not sure when that will be because I really like this one right now.

In other news, I have a post I have been working on for some time. Guess what it's about. Writers block/Creative block....go figure, no wonder I'm still working on it! HA!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

When Friends Visit

So Steven's friend, Josh, is here visiting for a week! And it started out kinda lame. I'm sure everyone knows about the Tsunami warning that we had because of the Earthquake in Chile. It was his first full day here, and he woke up to not being able to do anything, and the possibility that Hawaii would be swept away. Actually, all kidding aside. It was serious and we did not take it lightly. Now we are laughing it off and joking about it. And we are so grateful that it wasn't anything major! God was really looking out for the people of Hawaii!

SO after the warning was lifted, I wouldn't let us go right away, I was still worried. So we waited a few hours, and went to a beach. I'm not sure which one, but there weren't that many people, and the water was pretty calm close to shore, but the waves were pretty rough farther out! I wasn't feeling like swimming, so the boys did. After the beach Josh wanted to go to the Swap Meet at Aloha Stadium. Steven and I hadn't been yet, and so we went. We stopped at this sunglass tent, and we found these UGLY things! WHO wears them! Seriously, I wouldn't be caught dead in them. But we got Steven to try them on!

It was amazing to see after the Tsunami warning, resembles the promise God made us, and how He is in control! AMAZING!

We went to the North Shore today to see the waves, they were HUGE - there was a sea turtle just hanging out and then a big wave washed up on shore and took him back out to sea!

This is at Sunset Beach, the waves were wicked huge, and we weren't able to swim but we sat and soaked up some sun for about an hour!