So last week I was talking with a lady who I admire and look up to. Not only as a wife but as a Christian and mother. So when this topic was brought up I listened and took it into consideration. I even prayed about it and talked to a close friend about it. And also remember I'm human and might have misunderstood what she was trying to say and it happened over a week ago so its a bit foggy.
The lady, we will call her Q because well 'Q' is a left out letter I think (along with 'X' and 'Z' but I'm getting off topic, ha). Ok so Q said that calling my son just that, 'my son' I was not distancing myself enough away from the situation and that in order to move on I should use some generic term like 'the baby' or whatever. Now before you go saying what does she know or how does she figure, believe me when I say she knows. And for privacy reasons and what have you I can't divulged that info. So here we go, she also said to think about it and not stop just because she said to. I am a logical person and realize different people cope in different ways. And she reminded me of that because she mentioned that what works for one won't work for others. Which is totally true. I mean, really. I honestly can sit(lay) here and tell you I have been thinking and praying over this issue since last Tuesday. And I think I'm finally able to publicly say that no matter what I call my son he will always be just that, my son.
His last name might be different and I might not be there for every little thing but he is half me. He carries on my mom and dads genetics. Not his adoptive parents genetics. Mine. And I don't think changing what I call him will make my life any different. He is who he is. Just like I am who I am. (popeye just popped in my head 'I yams what I yams' ha) ok so now that it is almost 2 hours since we laid down and the hubs is sound asleep on my shoulder while I write this on my phone, I think its ok for me to go to sleep. It feels good to not be fighting this alone...I guess, or whatever. I'm super sleepy now and making no sense. So its my cue to stop this post right now. So good night or good morning.
Amanda
(I'm praying this works since I'm emailing it to blogger from my phone, eeep)
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5 comments:
I just received your comment on my blog about our little girl, and started crying - and then did even harder when I found your blog and read it. This is so beautiful, and your love for your son shows through. You are right, labels don't matter - just that you did what is right for him, and that you love him. Blessings to you.
I think you can only call him what feels right to you, and if calling him your son feels right to you, that is all that matters! You will figure this all out on your time lady...
He is your son and he always will be. You call him whatever you want it's up to you!
I'm an adoptee and an adoptive mom. I'm sure that Q's intentions were the best, but everything about adoption is personal. What feels right for one, feels wretched to another, and it takes time to sort all those feelings out. I'm not certain one ever finishes all that sorting!
I just ran across your blog through Adoptive Momma's blog. And I have to say I agree! We have open adoptions, and my children's birthmothers call them son and daughter. I'm not sure what else they would call them! When our daughter's bmom shows pics of her to a new friend, she says, "This is my daughter. And those are my daughter's parents." LOL The looks on peoples' faces! She has a great sense of humor about it. :) It would bother me if their birth parents were trying to 'mother' them all the time. They don't. They are at peace with their choices (not that it's not hard sometimes!), and we have great relationships, so it is a healthy balance of acknowledging their important connection to our children, while also honoring our family as a family unit. Hang in there, and do what feels right for you. :)
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