Sunday, March 14, 2010

An extra helping of I "heart" Thursday

I started an entry on Feb 21 about being in a slump and having creative block. I deleted it, some of the stuff in it was just so retarded to even be thinking about that it hasn't been an issue.

I am going to talk about what I started talking about in it at first. The past few days I have been really depressed. I'm not sure what is going on. I'm glad that I have a doctor's appointment next week. I am going to talk with her about it. I wish I knew why I was in a slump, and why I felt the way I do, but I just can't put my finger on it. I know she is going to ask me why, but I honestly have no reason to be depressed. Well, I can think of one, and it is so trivial compared to what some people are dealing with. And it can be easily fixed when I find a job, but its this whole motivation thing. When I'm depressed I don't want to do ANYTHING...Showering is a chore, and the household chores seem like the most daunting tasks. My sleep is even suffering. It is just so amazing how a good nights sleep makes things so much better. But I toss and turn, and toss and turn, and wake up several times a night. On top of that I have these really crazy dreams. I know you dream during REM sleep, and it's the deepest sleep, and you're suppose to feel rested when you wake from it, but I don't see how dreaming crazy things, and realistic things is restful. And for me it really isn't restful. My doctor described it to me, and during REM your whole body is paralyzed, sorda...your brain doesn't send things to your body, so you don't move. So it is just your brain going. Still doesn't make me think restful, ha!

I think I'm going to just list some of the great things going for us right now, to maybe help me remind myself to be happy...and so I have something to come back to -- I know I did something similar on Thursday. But I feel I need an extra dose of I "heart" Thursdays.

I "heart" my husband more every day.

I "heart" my God so much.

I "heart" all the great friends I have.

I "heart" that my husband has a wonderful career.

I "heart" my man in uniform, and am SO proud of him and what his career stands for.

I "heart" the children my husband and I will have, even though we aren't expecting. I love the thought of children with my husband.

I "heart" the son that God trusted to me to carry for 9 months to just give him to his forever family.

I "heart" my family.

I "heart" having a roof over my head and food on our table.

I "heart" that at the end of this month we will have successfully paid off one of my debts.

I "heart" relaxing after a long day with my husband.

I think this is good for now, I do feel a little better about things. I wasn't expecting to feel overly happy, but I do seem to feel some relief from the funk. And I just love the thought of writing down reminders of what is good in our life when things don't seem that great elsewhere, or to show that all the good outweighs the bad.


S.I.F. said...

Depression is a crazy cycle. You get depressed, and then you withdraw from everything that makes you happy, and then you get more depressed! Ridiculous, huh?!?

I think focusing on the things you heart is a good way to start though!

Amanda said...

Thanks. I got the idea from a new blog friend who does this every Thursday. The link is in the post below and it explains why she started doing it. Its really a sweet story. And yes depression is a vicious cycle. I think the feelings I had been having last week were borderline bipolar though. Oh well. All better now. I'm about to write ab why I think I felt that way (from my phone in bed BC I can't sleep and I'm too lazy to go get in the comp. Ha)