Birthmother’s Day

Saturday (May 12) is Birthmother’s Day. I got an e-card from the Adoptive parents today. Through Bethany, which is a Christina Adoption Agency. It’s the one Catelynn and Tyler used on 16&Pregnant and Teen Mom. The video is of Adoptive Parents and Adoptee’s sharing how they feel about the Birthmother. There are 3 videos, one from Adoptees, one from Adoptive Parents and one from Families – you can view them here. They’re just a nice way to let the Birthmother in your life know how you feel about her, and how much you appreciate her and her choice.

So don’t forget us Birthmom’s…just because we aren’t parenting, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be recognized as mother’s. As we made the ultimate sacrifice for our children. And that, in my mind, makes me a wonderful mother.

organized ramblings

So I’ve been off my meds for a few weeks now, and so far, so good. I’ve had a little problem sleeping, but I think if I just stop the caffeine at a reasonable hour I can fix that myself. But once I’m asleep I can usually sleep for a few hours. Unlike last night, I got about 6 hours, went to bed at 3am and woke up at 9am…I’m hoping to not start the insomnia…

I have been pretty good, in a stable mood, just a little moody, but I think that’s PMS…I’ve also been crampy, and it is that time of the month, so I’m sure that’s all that is…

Having the hubby home has been AWESOME! This weekend we will spend it at a hotel in Wakiki because we have 2 balls – one Friday and one Saturday, so we figured why not just make a weekend out of it. We are going to have a great weekend!

Then in just a couple short weeks we will be in Vegas, still got some stuff to do to get ready, but I’m so stinking excited. After that we will be in Georgia/Tennessee and then Virginia! It’s going to be a super stressful time, but so worth it! We get to be tacky tourist and see family! So win-win!

As always, we have a laundry list of places to eat – and I was informed that Chick-Fil-A wouldn’t be some place we eat 4 times…He’s CRAZY…we gotta eat there at least 3 times, once for breakfast and at least twice for lunch/dinner…maybe even 3 times for lunch/dinner…not sure what else is on the list off the top of my head, but Olive Garden, Red Lobster (I’ve heard bad things about the one in Hawaii), TGI Fridays, Applebee’s, Cracker Barrel, Formosa, Amigo’s, Red Robin, and I’m sure there are many more…it wouldn’t be a trip to the mainland without LOTS of food!!

Wordless Wednesday

The rest of the pictures will follow later…

Thanks again to Taylor at Nine3Oh Creative (or her blog)

He’s HOME!

He’s home and I can breath again. The ceremony was amazing, and emotional. It was funny because I left the balloons at home, so we had to turn around and get them, since I told the hubby to find me with the balloons. Luckily we live about 5 minutes from the Gulch.

Taylor, from Nine3Oh, came out and took pictures, the ones she’s posted so far are AMAZING! She was super nice and fun to have at the ceremony. She posted a teaser on her page, and each one is amazing!! She also took a couple with my phone, so I could post them right away.

 

Before the ceremony

After finding each other

horrible at waiting

Ya’ll all know how BAD I am at patience and waiting. But the last few weeks have started DRAGGING, and the next days, even hours, will be the worst ever.

I’m waiting impatiently for my husband to get home. Like I said, we all know how bad I am at waiting.

I’m working on the house with a friend, she’s really helping me out. I’d be lost without her.

So I’m hoping to have good news on the husband front soon. But I have NOTHING. A big fat NOTHING. I guess you could say I’m in LIMBO…

So I’ll just stay busy until the time comes to welcome him home. And oh what a great day that will be!!

I’m pissed, but still glad and some health updates

Things are going good. On the medicine front. Don’t seem to be having an adverse reactions, at least I don’t think so…I did cry last night, but that was due to the reasons I’m pissed…

On the kidney stone front, I have 4 total, 3 in the left – 1 in the right. The one that was causing the most problems was 5mm, the 2 others in my left are about 3 or 4mm, and I think I’m actually passing them too. Not too much pain, but I still don’t think I’ve passed it…or them…I did see the urologist last week. And then on Saturday I ended up going to ACC again…my pain went from 0 to 8 in a matter of minutes. They gave me meds, and sent me on my way. The urologist gave me something to help with my enlarged prostate…it’s a joke people, it’s FloMax, and it’s to help relax your bladder muscles. He wants to see me in 2 weeks if I haven’t passed the stone. I guess I’ll go back in 2 weeks if I haven’t, because I have no idea when I pass them…I should probably call them anyways, I was suppose to call them after my visit with the ACC on Saturday anyways…other than the occasional pain in my left side, I’m good with this. I just wish I didn’t have such retarded kidney’s and urinary tract…which, come to find out, I didn’t have a UTI, so the anti-biotic I took, that gave me more problems, was completely unnecessary and gave me the other problem for no real reason…

Now, on to why I’m pissed and glad…

On the ant infested bathroom front, not so much. I’m so ready to rip housing, maintenance and EcoLab a new one about this. But I’m trying to be calm, with them. In public or on FB, screw that, I’m pissed. I’m pissed I can’t use my own shower. I’m pissed I had to move my toothbrush and toothpaste out of the bathroom, no, that comes after this one, I’m pissed I had to buy a new toothbrush and tooth paste because there were 50 of them on my stuff. I’m pissed that I forgot to get a toothbrush and toothpaste at WalMart that I had to buy a 10 pack of tooth brushes and a 4 pack of toothpaste at freaking Costco because I wasn’t about to go back to WalMart, and I needed a toothbrush and toothpaste that NIGHT….I’m pissed that in the last month EcoLab has had to come out THREE times to spray & bait.

But I’m glad that EcoLab is nice, and that they were accomidating, and that they came today, instead of making me wait til tomorrow. I’m glad that the community manager sees this as a major problem and is eager to find an answer and a resolution. I’m glad that as one resolution EcoLab suggested my ferns and other bushes be trimmed, and that the ugly ferns in front of my house are now gone. I’m glad that the outside of my house is looking much better than it did the 1st time EcoLab came. And I’m glad for friends who let me come over and shower. And who also help me do my taxes. And I’m also glad that after tomorrow it will be March, and that just means I’m that much closer to having my hubby home!!!

Randomz

I’ve been off one of my meds for almost a month, doing great. I’ve been on a reduced dose of the other for a couple weeks. Doing good so far.

I’ve been really busy, but I’ve got this stupid kidney stone that just won’t go away. It all started Feb 6, yes, 16 days ago. I’ve not been a lot of pain, but it’s just been uncomfortable. I’ve had my share of stones, and they’ve all been way worse than this. As in I can’t do anything, except get someone to drive me to the ER so I can get some good drugs. But this time, the only reasons I went into the Accute Care Clinic was for the blood I saw, and then that the pain had gotten worse, and I wanted to get a handle on it sooner, rather than get to the point I needed to goto the ER. Because with my husband being gone, my options are limited. But I have been taking meds, even finished the anti-biotic, and I’m still in pain. I don’t think I’ve passed it, but I wouldn’t know because I haven’t been able to catch it. But because I’m still in pain, I think I haven’t. I’m going tomorrow to the Urologist, hopefully to get some answers. I’m hoping I’ve passed it.

I did spend President’s Day weekend at the Hale Koa with a few of my dear dear friends. We had a great time. The weather held out for us, as we thought it was going to be rainy and cold and nasty. But it was nice. Unfortunately for those on other parts of the island, they weren’t so lucky. They should have met us for a pool day =P

Things are going well here though. Just waiting patiently impatiently for the hubs return. February needs to hurry up and go away!!!!!

Preparation

So, I’ve been on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds for 3 years now, I’m not ashamed of that, and most people know that. I started them the day my son was born. I’d hate to imagine what would have happened had I not done that. Seeing as I had post partum, on top of the emotions of the adoption. It took a few tries to get the right combo, and once I got to Hawaii, it took 3 psychiatrists, but we finally got it, just a few months before my husband left for Afghanistan! So, now I’m doing really well, and feeling really great. Sure I have some moments, but I chalk that up to being “normal.”

Well, a few weeks ago I talked with my psychiatrists about getting off my anti-depressants (I’m was on 2) so that when the husband gets home we can start trying for kids. The anti-anxiety med is mostly used at night for RLS, and is okay to take when pregnant. So I’m not worried about that one. So last month I started tapering off one. And this week I talked with my psychiatrist again about the other one. The one I’m still on is a little trickier to tapper off, but we’re going to do it slowly, and with his assistance. We’re going this one in 2 steps, as opposed to 1 like the other one. I’m taking half of a pill for now, and when I go back to see the psychiatrist we will half that dose, and then from there stop it altogether.

We’ve done research, and we know that there isn’t that much out there about the medicines I was/am on doing any damage during pregnancy. But I would feel better if I’m off them. But wouldn’t be angry if I have to be on one of them. Because I’m doing fine without the other. We’ll see how I do off the other one. My psychiatrist said that it I might not feel any different off this one right away, so we’re going to see how I do.

I’m excited to start this new chapter, and I’m excited for my husband to be home. It’s been one hell of a year. So here’s to baby making! Well, let’s get my husband home first! HA!

Oh and I’m done with therapy! I had my last session this week! She said I’m doing so well that we really have no more to do!!!

Love is sacrifice

A friend posted about the difference between “Love” and “In Love,” and her definition of “Love” really hit home for me, and I’m sure it will hit home for everyone. But it really hit home in defining my decision to place.

Here is what she said: “Ok, so love is active: we do it.  I feel love is an attitude that chooses what is best for another person, rather than what is easiest or most pleasurable for us.  Love is sacrifice. Love is a choice.  Loving someone (truly loving a person) usually lasts a lifetime. You grow to love someone for who they are and accept them for that.”

The phrase that came out of my mouth over and over when explaining my reasoning, and even now, 3 years later, as I tell my story, is that I wanted to do what was best for my son. It wasn’t until I had made the decision and was okay with the decision that I started to think of myself, and realize that even though it’s natural for a woman, a mother more specifically, to want to raise their children, I knew that this adoption was best for me too. As much as I wanted to raise him, I knew that it was not the best thing for me either.

And if you think placing him was easy, think again, placing him wasn’t easy, in fact, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. It wasn’t pleasurable either, it was actually quite the opposite. Like I said, it’s not natural for a mother to not parent. It isn’t natural for a mother to leave the hospital empty handed.

No matter how much I tried to NOT attach myself to him, it happened. And when I realized that it had happened, it hit me super hard.

When people say that they couldn’t believe they could love someone they’d never met so much, they’re not lying. And I couldn’t believe how much I loved him, even when I tried so hard to NOT attach myself. It’s inevitable.

The light

 

*courtusy of swagbucks*

So, It’s almost February. Which means we’re ALMOST at the end of this deployment. I cannot wait, this deployment has taught me a lot about myself. It’s taught me a lot about being married, and about our relationship…I know the LT has learned a lot as well. I’m not quite sure what all he’s learned, and that is really a post for him to do, if he so chooses.

Our future in the Army is really really uncertain. And when most of the friends I’ve made during this deployment know their next step, the LT and I don’t know ours. It’s scary, and I’m getting really tired of people asking me what’s next. And I really really don’t like talking about what’s going on. For a few reasons, one being I have no idea what is going on. I just know that things aren’t set in stone yet, and we’re in a holding pattern.

I just can’t wait for him to be home, so we can figure this out. This whole not getting to talk to him a lot really is for the birds, and I’m trying to be okay with it. But when I see others who get to talk on the phone with their husband daily, sometimes multiple times a day, it makes me feel like shit. It’s not that my husband doesn’t want to talk to me, it’s just that he’s busy. And that he doesn’t have access to internet or phones like others. I can’t get mad at him. I don’t ever get mad him for it. He’s in a warzone for crying out loud. So getting upset that he hasn’t called or texted or messaged is pointless.

I usually don’t stress if it’s been 23 hours since the last Facebook message, but I always laugh at myself when I see that, and think of all those insecure wives who flip if it’s been 12 hours. Can you just see how they would react if this was WWI, WWII, Korea, Vietnam when you probably got NOTHING, no R&R, these deployments were way longer than 12 months… Or when we first got into Iraq and Afghanistan when all you got were censored letters. You’d have no idea where exactly your husband was, what he was doing, or how he was doing. We are SO lucky these days, that people take it for granted…

5 question Friday–Jan 20

I figured I’d partake in it this week since one of my questions made the cut :)

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Rules for 5QF:

Copy and paste the following questions to your blog post, answer them, then watch for the linky post to appear Friday morning and LINK UP!

Oh, and remember (pay close attention...this is the important one)...HAVE FUN!

Questions for Friday, January 20th: (Special thanks to@Lovely_Lici,

@trooppetrie, @lifeafterplacin, @my4redheads, and vacationed out me for their question suggestions! I would love to link you in a future 5QF, so come on over to my community or watch for my Thursday afternoon shout out for questions on Twitter and offer up your best question suggestions! Remember to @5crookedhalos me and usehashtag #5QF if you go the Twitter route!)

1. Where do you hide the reeeally good snacks?

I don’t have to, no kids, yet, and some of the snacks I like, hubby doesn’t. Plus, hubby is deployed, so he can’t get to them anyways. Now, when he gets home, that’s another story. He might eat me out of house and home and all my goooood snacks because he’s been deprived (which isn’t true at all bc I did send him tons of goodies)

2. Do u keep your vehicle clean or am I the only one who has things falling out of their van?

I have every intention of keeping my car clean, but I just can’t seem too…things aren’t falling out, but it isn’t clean…

3. Have you ever been to Vegas?

Not yet, going in May, just booked our hotel. I bought the groupon – 2 night stay for 2 adults and 2 kids, 1 bottle of alcohol at the Hard Rock Hotel – we’re going to stay 4 nights…I bought 2 groupons. So our Hotel is paid for, for the most part, I think we just have to pay some fees, but other than that, free :) And 2 bottles of booze, why yes please!!!!!

We are going to Peepshow for sure…and probably a couple Cirque show, and I’m going see if I can sweet talk my hubby into seeing Phantom, We are also going to see Cirque De Soleil: KA…I’m waiting for the hubby to wake up and get back to me about what other shows he wants to see.

4. Warm room light blankets or cold room warm snuggly blanket?

Cold room, snuggled in blankets, And I have to sleep with the AC on, we have a window unit, and I have to have the white noise, thanks to my hubby…but I’ve always needed to be in a cold room to sleep. I do love to snuggle in my blankets..but sometimes you’ll find me with one leg out of the covers and one leg under…I get hot…and I am a restless sleeper, so the covers can be found in a ball when I wake up, or even on the floor, or even half on the floor, LOL

5. What is the worst airplane/flying experience you've ever had?

Hmm, I’ve not had a horrible experience ever to be quite honest. I’ve had some long layovers, and what felt like I’d never make it some where. So I guess I can talk about that…and then the last time I flew it was quite eventful, so I’ll tell that story as well.

The first one is when I flew out to Oklahoma to spend a week or so with the hubby, who was then just the boyfriend. We bought the tickets for me to fly into a small airport in Wichita Falls, TX – and I got stuck in Dallas/Fort Worth. I thought I was going to miss the connecting flight since we got into DFW kind of late. I was relieved to know it was delayed, crazy right, not everyone felt that way though. And I quickly changed my tone when we had been stuck for hours…the reason I was flying in closer to Lawton, OK was because the hubby was only allowed to drive so far, and DFW was out of his “box” and we thought Wichita Falls, TX would be better…They only have 1 plane that goes to and from DFW and Wichita Falls. So they finally got the plane fixed, and we finally got there. No, fast forward to the time for me to leave, we didn’t think we needed to be there really really early, but we were wrong because we showed up with what we thought was plenty of time, but they had already boarded the plane and it was ready for take off…OOPS…so we had to wait for the money to buy a ticket, and this time we flew me from Oklahoma City, OK…

So now onto the next story – the one from the mainland here when I was in town last month…on my way to the airport to fly back, I got a text, I had them set up to tell me if my flight was cancelled or delayed. It said the flight had been delayed, I was like, oh okay, cool. Then not even 5 minutes later I get another text siting it was cancelled due to plane maintenance. Well CRAP -  I wanted to get back to Hawaii for New Years, and I had a connector in Phoenix, and I was worried about missing it. So I went to the ticket counter, and had to wait in line, because obviously a lot of people needed a new flight. So an agent was going down the line, giving a number, so I called. The lady told me the next flight was that evening, it was a little after 9 at this point, not happening…so I told the lady I didn’t care how I got there, or what stops I made, I just wanted to get to Hawaii, and on the next available flight that wasn’t going to involve waiting in an airport for 9 hours…so she found one through Delta, I was flying US Airways. So she said the only thing is it leaves in a little over an hour, and I had to run to the other terminal, because well, you know, things can’t be easy…I’m on the phone with her, trying to push all my bags on a cart to the other terminal, just to get a confirmation number that didn’t work because she didn’t hold a ticket. I get in line after trying the code myself on a computer, and an agent helping, and then getting asked why I was in line by another agent, well, I’m in line because I have a confirmation code that doesn’t work, I’m suppose to be in this line. I finally get to the counter and the guy is like, well, I don’t know if I can get you on this fight. OH HELL NO HOME BOY…I was told I had a seat, give me a seat…turns out he was able to, they paid for my bags and since it was a non-stop flight I got 2 meals, 1 snack, and a ton of free drinks, soda and water of course…so moral of the story, fly Delta non-stop from Atlanta to Hawaii or from Hawaii to Atlanta, you get 2 free meals and a snack, and free entertainment!!!

Updates & his birthday

I know this is kind of late, but better late than never!!!

I’ve gotten several emails and even a letter in the mail from my son’s adoptive mother. My first email was on his birthday, and it just made that day so much more special. She sent some family pictures they had done, and they were really cute!

Then a few weeks later she sent some more. Just pictures from life, and the last 6 months. I so enjoyed seeing them. And then this week she sent pictures from their birthday and Christmas.

I can’t get over how TALL he is and how much he is looking like a child and not a baby or toddler. And I can’t help but see his birth father in him. The poor kid has the guys hairline.

He’s doing really well though. He’s growing and developing. He’s right on target. Which is quite amazing since he had a rough first 6-8 months of life. He’s come a long way. And it is so wonderful to see him doing well.

On his birthday, I was hanging out with my friends, and decided it would be a great idea to get a cake, and celebrate his birthday. So we went to see Arthur Christmas and then went to Chili’s for drinks and dinner.

Christmas trip 2011

So much for thinking the new blog design would help me update more often. Whoops.

I guess I could go back in time, to my trip home. Especially since I didn’t even write about it at all here.

It was great. Better than I thought it would be. And much needed.

I hated being there without my husband, but it was nice to not spend Christmas alone, even though I wouldn’t have been alone in Hawaii.

I spent a lot of time traveling on my trip. I think I put at least 2000 miles on a car. I drove from Atlanta, to Dahlonega, to Chattanooga, to Nashville, back to Chattanooga, back to Dahlonega and then back to Atlanta. Driving places in between at each stop.

The first stop was Atlanta, to stay the night with my grandfather. He took me to dinner at the Country Club, and my Aunt and Uncle joined us. It was nice, it felt like old times, spending the night, that is. If my grandmother had still be living it would have been exactly like old times. But she’s been gone 2 years now, and Granddad and I talked about her, and shared memories. It was nice. He misses her so much. I hope that my husband and I have that kind of love. They were married for 50 years.

Then I drove up to Dahlonega and spent a few days with the husband’s family. It was nice to see his mom and dad, and grandparents. I got to meet his great-grandmother as well. I spent some time with his cousins and Aunts and Uncles, and even went to dinner with his friend. It was really nice.

Then I drove up to Chattanooga to spend time with my family and friends. I took my mom and sister to dinner with my best friend and her daughter, of course we went to my favorite Chinese restaurant, Formosa! Then I helped Emily with her daughter, it was so nice spending so much time with Emily. It was just like old times. Emily and I drove up to Nashville for the day, to have lunch with my father. It was nice. We were going to see the hotel all decorated for Christmas, but it was $18 to park, we said no way, plus the parking lot is far away from the hotel and it was raining, and we had no umbrella, and her 2 year old.

I spent a lot of time with my sister too. I spent Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Night at my mom’s house. We drove to Atlanta for Christmas with my grandfather and his sister and her husband. Mom and I made Chicken Divan and Rice, and my Uncle brought Costco Apple Pie for desert! We went back home that evening, and I took my sister to see Breaking Dawn, for my 3rd time. The night before, I took mom and my sister to see Sherlock Holmes.

I went back to Dahlonega to spend more time with the husband’s family. And then I went down to Atlanta to spend the night with my grandfather and have dinner with him and my Aunt and Uncle again.

The next day I was flying back to Hawaii. On my way to the airport, I got a text and then a call that my flight was cancelled. Due to airplane maintenance. So when I got there, I went to the ticket counter, waiting in line, and finally calling the airline, they weren’t going to be able to put me on a plane until later that evening. I was told her that was not an option. So she called Delta, and got me a non-stop flight, only kicker, I had less than an hour to get checked in and board. I got a confirmation number, and went over to Delta, which of course was in the opposite terminal. When I got there, the conformation number wasn’t working. So I got in line, again. The guy told me he didn’t know if he could get me on the plane. I was like, wtf, I want on this plane, and the lady I talked to said I was…anyways, he got me on, and I didn’t have to pay to check my bags!

I ended up getting 2 meals and 1 snack out of the flight, and I think we will only fly Delta non-stop from here on out. And I also ended up getting into Hawaii close to 2 hours ahead of time!

New Years Eve was spent with good friends, eating good food, drinking good wine/champagne, and watching fireworks!

new years

So I guess I’ll jump on the bandwagon and write about new years. It was amazing, and pretty, and just what I needed!

We had good German food, great cake, and lots of booze. I introduced everyone to Poinsettia's – champagne and cranberry juice, we played a game, and then sat outside with a fire and made s’mores. We then watched the Fireworks from Waikiki, Pearl Ridge, and some other places all from my friend’s back/front yards.

It was really the best way to ring in the new year without our husbands.

2012 is a big year…lots to look forward too! I am so excited!