Sunday, June 27, 2010

Vacay All I Ever Wanted

So, it's about 2 weeks until my 25th birthday, yikes, how sad. But less than 2 weeks til we go to Maui! (Hence the title)

Things here are going, slowly, but going. I wish I could just snap fingers and have the house in order, or the laundry done, or the kitchen clean. I'm seriously ready to be settled, but yet, I can't get the energy or motivation to do it. I look at things, and say, oh I wish that were this way, and I also think, oh I think I could do this with that, but I don't, it's like I'm not capable. Something in me just can't do it. I'd say maybe the vacay will help me find my motivation. Or getting ready for it will. I know things need to be clean before we leave, so we don't get infested with bugs, but at the same time, I just don't want to. No motivation = a messy messy house. And this isn't the first time this has been a problem. Growing up I never cleaned. I hated it. And another thing that would happen is I would start going through something, and cleaning it out or what not, and I'd get side tracked with something in it. Like one time in High School or something, I came across love notes from an ex-boyfriend, and I decided to rip them up in tiny tiny pieces, and then place them in a candle glass holder and burn them, in my room, with no window open. My mother thought the house was burning down. But, I wanted to get rid of those things, and I thought fire would work. Apparently, I've never been very smart. HA!

So we're getting ready for a ton of stuff, aside from the vacay, there is nothing else FUN going on, but stuff that has to be done. Like 2 trips to the Big Island for the LT for a few weeks each time, where I'll be alone. Which kind of helps prepare for the whole him being gone for a year. It still sucks. But it helps to remember that this time apart is time he needs to be prepared for the deployment, and he needs this more than I need him at home. I'd much rather him go on the deployment with as much training as possible than going with none and ending up hurt. I think a few weeks here and there are better than living my life with out him. And it's how I need to think about this to get through it. It might not be a good way, but it's mine, and I like it. If it upsets some, then BLAH...I'm sure it will. Because I've been doing that a lot lately. And for that I just say I'm sorry and I didn't mean to.

I really am trying to be better about this whole blogging thing, but it kind of goes along with the house work/unpacking thing. I just can't seem to do it. I don't feel like I have anything to say, and I feel like whenever I do talk it upsets someone. And everyone knows how that makes me feel. I hate it. And I don't mean to, I'm just honest, and I say what I mean. I don't feel like sugar coating anything, and I'm just not going to walk on egg shells any more. But I do try to watch what I say, and think before I say it.

So, I have some catching up to do in the blog world, and I've tried to visit everyone, and if I don't leave a comment it doesn't mean that I haven't read, just that I can't think of anything to say.