Wishing

There are things I want to blog about. Things I want to say. But I can't. It would not go over well with anyone. But man, I could use an outlet. The end.

Blogger App for Droid

Oh boy...this is amazing, there is an app for Blogger! Sweet....this opens up a whole new world for blogging!!!

Day 20 of the challenge

Day 20 — Write a letter to: The one that broke your heart the hardest

I really don’t know who this is, but that’s a good thing. That means I’ve healed, and that whatever happened only made me stronger. I’m sure at the time I thought my life was over. But replaying things in my head from my past has shown me how really messed up things were, and how great things have turned out. I’m so grateful to those who have told me no, broken my heart, and just left me high and dry. I know that sounds silly, but I wouldn’t be where I am today if those things had not have happened.

Tell me: A song that you listen to when you’re angry

I want to know: A hobby of yours.

I scrapbook, I haven’t in a while, I have a ton of pictures to scrapbook. I like to sew and color, and I love writing letters.

I want to know The meaning behind your blog name.

Life After Placing – it’s just that, a blog about my life, after placing my son for adoption. I thought it was a suitable name, that could grow with me, as I evolve. And it has really worked well for me. I didn’t know what life was going to hold for me after the placement. It was so bleak and dark and I felt so alone. But as time went on, I started healing, and growing, and then I met my husband, and it just seemed like things were looking up. But I could still blog under the name “Life After Placing” because my marriage was a next chapter in my life, after my son. So that is the story behind my blog name. I haven’t changed it since I started the blog back in Feb. of 2009.

Day 19 of the challenge

Day 19 — Write a letter to: Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad [sorry it’s kind of long, lol]

Those woman who spew their vile about how all adoptions are negative, and all adoptions are forced, and nobody would ever make that decision on their own.

**NEWS FLASH**
I made that decision, I was not forced, nobody held a gun to my head and told me to give my baby up or die, just like nobody held a gun to your head. I knew that at the time, I could not take care of myself, and I knew that taking care of a baby was a million times harder than taking care of yourself, so I didn’t want to put my child through that. I knew he’d be much better cared for by someone who was in a stable relationship, had a stable job, and who could give him all the things he’d need, not necessarily the things he wanted, but needed, because I knew I couldn’t possibly give him every thing he needed with the job I had, and the debts I had. A child needs way more than love and affection, they need food, clothes, a roof over their head, health insurance, and those are the things I could not afford to give him. I knew that there were people out there who could provide those things, and I knew that the best thing for him was to let him go. So, no,I wasn’t forced into anything, and I decided that it was best for him.

That’s not to say that adoption wasn’t different years and years ago. It has come a long way in recent years, I do believe that these woman who spew this vile about how all adoptions are negative where the woman who were sent away to homes and were forced into the adoption. But just because you had a negative experience doesn’t mean you can throw up all over our positive experiences, and demean us, and make us feel like dirt, just because you didn’t have the same experience.

And I’m talking more specifically about a group on Facebook that was created to help support those who have gone through the adoption process, and it’s there to help them heal, and make them realize they’re not alone in their feelings, and someone spewing nasty things about adoption on there is not helping anyone, and it certainly isn’t helping the ones spewing that crap. And putting your negative comments on something that is suppose to be a positive event, like Birth Mother’s Day, is like talking shit about a Christian holiday when you’re Jewish, or a Jewish holiday when you’re Christian, or any other religious holiday when you don’t follow those beliefs. If you don’t agree with Birth Mother’s Day then fine, make your own event about anti-Birth Mother’s Day, but stay away from the positive events that are created to help those who want to be called Birth Mother’s celebrate the positive thing they did with their life.

Tell me: A song from your favorite album
Dear John by Taylor Swift on Speak Now – it’s my newest favorite album…

I want to know: A talent of yours.
I can sing, and play the piano a little. I love to sing, I don’t do it any more professionally but I do it for fun in the car or around the house. I was in a choir from 5th grade til 12th grade, where I got to visit Europe 3 times and some other neat places, and off an on in college for a few years, and I sang in the church choir as a child.

I want to see Another picture of yourself.

a picture of myself I posted on my
husband’s facebook wall, lol

Well HEY 5 Question Friday, it’s been too long

Rules for Five Question Friday (strictly enforced with a wet noodle): Copy and paste the following questions to your blog post, answer them, then watch for the linky to appear on Friday morning and LINK UP!

Most of all, remember to...HAVE FUN!!

Questions for Friday, May 27th: (Special thanks to @msargirl, Christine, Kim, Pam, and Melis for their question suggestions! I would LOVE to link you in a future 5QF, just c'mon over to my community and offer up your best question suggestions! Also, watch for my weekly Twitter "shout out" for questions! Just use hashtag #5QF and @5crookedhalos me!)
1. Do you apologize to your kids?
I have apologized to my son, in a letter. But I think I agree with Mama M on this one, if it is deserved then I will apologize. I try to apologize if I’m wrong, if I hurt someone, and if it is deserved. I’m trying NOT to apologize too much, you know the type, the ones who say SORRY allllll the time…

2. What color are your nails right now?
My toes are a teal color, but my finger nails are not painted, I can’t keep nail polish on my finger nails for more than a few hours, they start to chip, it’s quite a dilemma since I have a basket full of nail polish…But I do get my toes done, which I might need to stop doing, since, again, I have a basket full of nail polish…(don’t believe me, here’s proof, and I think there are more since this picture was taken, lol)
3. When you were growing up, how difficult was it for you to stay home from school sick? (As in, did you have to vomit or just say "I don't feel good".)
I honestly can’t remember. I think up until a certain point it was pretty hard, I had to be running a fever, but I think at some point it just got easier. But you know me and my memory, we’re not best friends…

4. When is the last time you bought a new comforter for your bed?
maybe a year ago, when we redid our bedroom. we bought curtains and sheets too. I don’t forsee buying a new one any time soon, the one we have is doing the trick.

5. Favorite website(s)?
Oh geez…REALLY?!?! Hmm…where to start…
www.swagbucks.com
www.etsy.com
www.blogger.com (duh)
www.facebook.com (duh)
www.twitter.com
www.youtube.com
www.doodlebugspaper.com
www.tumblr.com
www.amazon.com

Day 17 & 18 of the challenge

Day 17 — Write a letter to: Someone from your childhood
Gosh, I have a lot of people from my childhood I’d love to write to…since we moved around a lot, and when it was before social media websites, we all lost contact. I’ve tried to find a few of them on facebook now, but I’m not sure where any of them are.
I guess I’ll just write to the ones I wish I had contact with again, and what I’d like to tell ya’ll is that I miss you. And I think of you, and wonder what our lives would have been like if we’d stayed in contact, or I hadn’t have moved. I know ya’ll were amazing because you made me feel so welcomed and loved when I was there. I know I remember you for that because so many people weren’t so nice to me. I do remember the ones who weren’t nice to me, but I don’t think I’ll waste my time. Thanks for the memories.

Tell me: A song that you hear often on the radio


I want to know: An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.) that is your favorite.
My Home is Where the Army sends us painted canvas! I can’t find a picture of it, and it has our last name on it, so I’m not going to take one.

I want to see A photo of you and your family.



Day 18 — Write a letter to: The person that you wish you could be
OH geez, this is rough, I’m not sure what to say…I guess I want to be more organized and better at cleaning. I just don’t know how to write a letter about that…because I’ve tried telling myself what to do in order to achieve those goals, but it doesn’t seem to help, LOL!

Tell me: A song that you wish you heard on the radio

I want to know: About your best friend.
Well, I have a few very best friends…They’re all loyal, loving, caring, there when I need them, and even if we don’t talk daily, it’s as if no time has passed when we do talk again. I love you girls so very very much, and I miss you all so much too. Even though we’re an ocean apart, you’re still my best friends

I want to know Something you crave a lot.

Day 15 & 16 of the challenge

Day 15 — Write a letter to: The person you miss the most

that’d be my HUBBY – it’s been close to 2 months since he left, so here goes…
I miss you so much every day, but know that I’m okay. I’m doing just fine. You are doing a great thing, and I’d be the biggest bitch on the planet if I weren’t supportive or having a hard time with the deployment. You don’t need the added stress from worrying about me back home. You need to focus on the mission and not me. And know that I’m doing great. I do miss you so much. And I do think about you all the time. I can’t wait to see you. <3

Tell me: A song that describes you

it’s something I’ve wanted to do my whole life, and it spoke to me, and I love it.

I want to know: A poem you wrote.

I don’t think I have any of my poem’s on this computer, and I haven’t written any in so long…

Show me Something you don’t leave the house without.

my cell phone

 

Day 16 — Write a letter to: Someone that’s not in your state/country

My sister – I miss you SO much and I hope I can get you out to Hawaii at some point. I love you so much and I’m so proud of you. You’re awesome. Love you.

Tell me: A song that you used to love but now hate

I want to know: A song that makes you cry (or nearly).

Show me Your celebrity crush.

this picture upsets me, I’m sad he’s married, but I’m married too, so I guess it’s okay, bahaha

Day 14 of the challenge

Day 14 — Write a letter to: Someone you’ve drifted away from

There are a few people, and so this is for them…
I’m so sorry we’ve drifted apart. I do think of you daily, and I only want you to be happy, and I think that part of that is to no longer speak. It hurts me, but if it’s what’s best then that’s that. I know I wasn’t acting grateful, but I know now that I did, and I’m sorry. I was grateful, and appreciative of all you did for me. I just hate that it took losing you to know that.

Tell me: A song that no one would expect you to love

I want to know: About the cuteness of your pets.

No pets……

I want to know A TV show you’re currently addicted to.

Game of Thrones, Big Bang Theory, NCIS, NCIS:LA, General Hospital, Shameless, Mad Love, Mike & Molly, Modern Family, Cougar Town, The Middle, Jerseylicious, and some others…LOL, I know that is way more than A tv show, but those are all the ones I like right now….well, I like more, just can’t think of them, bahaha

Day 13 of the challenge

Day 13 — Write a letter to: Someone you wish could forgive you

I guess anyone who hasn’t forgiven me for whatever reason, I’m not quite sure who I’ve done wrong, or why they are holding a grudge, so this will be just a blanket letter, or rather, writing, because it’s hard to write a letter asking someone to forgive you for something you don’t know you did =P I’m only human, and I know I’m not perfect. So there are people I’m sure are upset or not very happy with me. So, to them, I’m sorry, please forgive me, and know that whatever I did was not intentional and I will be glad to clear things up, if you come to me.

Tell me: A song that is a guilty pleasure

Sir Pyscho Sexy – Red Hot Chili Peppers

I want to know: How do you think others view you?

I’m not sure how they view me. I hope they view me as sweet and nice, and likeable. However, I know that some probably don’t. I think I’m like beer or fine wine, an acquired taste. I also speak my mind, and if I don’t agree with something that is going on around me, I might just let you know.
For example, I have a huge problem with people who allow their children to be rude in public places where adults are trying to talk. And I know I don’t tolerate things like that well, but if your children can’t act right in public, then maybe you should either not go to things or get them a sitter. OR you could start to discipline your children. I mean, when an adult is speaking, you should be quiet. That’s respectful. You shouldn’t try to out do the adult, and you shouldn’t interrupt adults when they are speaking to another adult. It seems like common sense, but I’m surrounding by a ton of uneducated and trashy people, who don’t care what their children do. It’s getting to the point where I am not wanting to go to things any more. And I’m going to give this one thing one more try, and then I’m done. I know it will look bad on my part if I stop going to these things, but I can’t handle the disrespectful children, I have very little patience for adults who don’t make their children mind other adults, and when the adults don’t respect other adults by having their children be disrespectful. Anyways, with that being said, someone decided to give me dirty looks whenever I would speak up about not being able to hear, and to that person, give me all the dirty looks you want, because it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t like what was going on, and it doesn’t make me stop, in fact, you can give me all the dirty looks you want, because it doesn’t hurt my feelings. Besides, I know what type of person you are, and you’re not someone I want to waste my time on.
It has taken me a while to come to these feelings, and I’m proud of myself. I do get my feelings hurt every once in a while, but I’m not dwelling on that any more. And if you have a problem with me, and I know about it, I’m not going to make a big deal about it, I won’t even ask you about it. But when I see you in person, you bet your ass I’ll be nice to you, ask how you’re doing, and move on. So for those who don’t like me, get over it, I’m not going to go anywhere. So there, a long answer…and it’s kind of all over the place, LOL! I think it takes a lot for a person to not care what other’s think of them, and I try very hard to not care. I think I’ve come a long way, but just like anyone, I have moments when I do care a lot.

Tell me Your favorite musician and why?

I don’t really have a favorite, I like a whole lot of different ones, and there are many reasons why I like each one, I just can’t think of them. HA!

Birth Mother’s Day

So Saturday was Birth Mother's Day. I think I've written about it before. It's a day to remember the ones who selflessly gave a child up for adoption. I've never really actively celebrated. I usually just get a simple Happy Mother's Day on Mother's Day. But this year, I tried to go out of my way to make it special for a few of the Birth Mother's in my life.

I have never been acknowledged by the adoptive family for mother’s day. It kind of bummed me out, and it still does, I just try not to let it affect my mood. This year was no different. I got NOTHING from them for Mother’s Day. She was already a mother when they adopted the baby, but she was a mother again because of me. And I feel like they just don’t appreciate it. I am sure these feelings are normal, and are probably for nothing, but still, I have them. And I’ve never been one to push aside my feelings, or not voice them. At least on my blog, I would never tell them how I really felt because I don’t want to jeopardize the updates I am suppose to get every 6 months. Which, if my math is correct is this month. I always get so anxious waiting for them. And I’ve also gotten worried in the past that they won’t come. I’m trying really hard not to do it this time. And I think I’ve said it before, but I just hate being the person who worries and complains about things that are out of my control. It just sucks because we had such an open dialogue before the baby was born, and I honestly didn’t think it would change after, but it changed big time. They decided to unfriend me around Mother’s day after he was born. Talk about a low blow. It hurt me so much. I knew it was coming. I had a message from them a few months before telling me they were going to do it. I just didn’t think they’d wait so long, or do it around Mother’s Day. I know their reasoning behind it, and I completely understand. I just think it was wrong and rude. And because we were friends, and had such an open dialogue during the pregnancy I thought it would stay the same, so I didn’t put much in the openness agreement. In fact, I don’t really think we have one.

Anyways, this was suppose to be about Birth Mother’s Day and the controversy, I guess that can be for another day.

Day 12 of the challenge

Day 12 — Write a letter to: The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain


I hate to bet a dead horse, BUT this is my adoption blog, so the person who comes to mind is of course, the "sperm donor" - and he hurt me...and I'm afraid he's going to hurt his son, he just might not know it yet. (our son and "sperm donor")
Dear "sperm donor" - I don't think of you often, at least not as much as I use to. And for that I'm so glad. You are SO not worth my time, but yet, I wasted so much time on you.  I think it's time to let go, more than I have already. I just can't seem to wrap my head around the way you acted and the way you dealt with things. I bet your ex-girlfriend still doesn't "know" about all the girls you cheated on her with that produced your children. And that's her bad for not knowing her boyfriend was stepping out on her, but it's my bad for being reckless and stupid. I hope you apologized to her, I hope you groveled, and I hope you got everything you deserved. And I'm so grateful that you are no longer a part of my life, at least for now. And I hope that one day, our son can see what an ass his father was, and I hope one day you're there for him, like you should have been all along.



Tell me: A song from a band you hate
Not so much a band, but a person, and it's more of a song I hate than a person I hate, because well, I don't know Rebecca Black, so I can't say if I hate her, but this song is horrible, and someone should have stopped her from putting it out....

UGH, can't stand this song....she can't sing and sounds horrible...and it's a stupid song....





I want to know: How you got one of your scars.
Well, the one I think that I should talk about, because of what my blog is about, would be my c-section scar - I got that on Dec 10, 2008, It's pretty small, and I don't think you can see it, unless you're all up in my junk. And the doctor did a great job of putting it low enough that it doesn't get irritated when I wear jeans, although, some times it does. I had a c-section because my mid-wife thought my son would be 8 1/2 lbs, and my pelvis wasn't big enough, plus I was not progressing on my own, and he was just NOT ready to come out. By this time, the family was already in town, because it was the week of my due date, and my mid-wife said she wouldn't make me go pass my due date since I had gestational diabetes, and when she said she wanted me to wait another week I very nicely reminded her about not going pass my due date, which was Dec 11. I wanted to do it on the 10th because my birthday is July 10, and my brother's is Jan 10, and I thought it would be something neat to share with him, along with blood, LOL! So I had a scheduled c-section, and I am OKAY with having another one, I'd rather do that, than go into labor, and be in pain. It was GREAT! But every situation is different, and every hospital is different, so we'll see what happens next pregnancy.




Show me A photograph of the town you live in.

This is my favorite Chinese place in the city down the road from me, what's not pictured, is the strip club that is to the right, and the church that is to the left, LOL