New meds & other random things

So, my doctor took me off of 2 of my meds, raised 1 to 150mg and added a new one. I'm trying Lunesta, just 1mg right now but I'm thinking I will have to raise it as I'm still wide awake at 1am when I laid down at 10. It worked great last night. But idk why tonight would be different. Makes no sense. I could understand if I'd been on it for awhile because all meds do that to me. Hence why we have had to raise and change meds. I think I've tried lunesta before. But I honestly have been on so many meds in the past 6 or so years they all run together. If this one doesn't work she's going to put me on ambien, which I don't want to do. I have heard too many horrible things about it and its an addictive medication and with my track record on meds, it could easily become a problem. And I would like to avoid that.

Something I wanted to talk about is death, no I don't wanna die. But several people around me are. First my grandma in January and then my aunt a few weeks ago, along with a few other family members I wasn't close to or friends of family members. But there have also been celebrity deaths. But the ones that hit me the hardest are the ones who die too young or commit suicide. Back a few months ago there was layla grace who was just a baby, and then a week or so ago a girl I went to high school with passed, and then this week another young man passed. And in the last few months I've heard of countless suicides. They were way to young and all but layla grace and the ones who took their own lives were healthy. And it makes you question God and what His meaning is and the meaning behind these deaths. The ones I mentioned first were all from old age, you know, the circle of life type thing. And I guess you could call them all that, but is it really the circle of life when someone dies at the age of 5 or younger, or in their 20's?

And there really are no words. Just confusion. But for the outsider, the ones not that close to the death, we need to help those who hurt. And help them see it is all apart of God's big plan. God"s timing is perfect, even in death, and even if we don't see it now, God will reveal his plans to us in His time. Ultimately God knows when we will all die. Even those who pass unexpectedly. It all goes back to God forming us before we were even a thought in our parents minds. And He had how we would live mapped out. So if you've recently lost a loved one or a friend. Remember that God loves you and your loved one or friend and that it might not make sense now but in time you will be shown the true meaning behind their death. And remember that if they believed in God and were forgiven of their sins then they are in heaven looking down on us and have perfect bodies and are no longer in pain and no longer sad or lonely or hurting. They are dining with Our Father and He is taking perfect care of them.

I hope I can get some sleep now. That sure would be nice. But to ensure I do, benedryl here I come. Ha! Ole faithful.

Amanda