Thursday, October 7, 2010

An Apology and Thank You

I think I got pregnant around the same time as some of the girls on the 1st season of 16 & Pregnant and the ones who went on to film Teen Mom. And I think Catelynn and Tyler's story just hit home so much that I wanted to see how they handled things.

I look at their situation and mine. And they are very different but at the same time, so similar.

I'm so grateful for my families support, including my in laws, and I know Catelynn has Tyler and his mom, but I don't know where I would be if it hadn't have been for my dad, mom, Jennie, my brother, my sister and the support group I had during my pregnancy and the few months after. It took me a long time to realize just how blessed I was. No, that's not true, I think I knew how blessed I was, I think I was just so upset and hurt I couldn't see how I was hurting them and how my actions weren't showing that I knew that. I've wanted to reach out and say how deeply sorry I am to those I hurt, and in a way I guess this is my apology, I just don't know how to do it, or what to say, and its just been so long that sometimes I feel like its best to leave well enough alone.

I look back and see how I treated them and acted, and I can't help but blame them for being upset or not wanting anything to do with me. I wouldn't want anything to do with me. I've written an apology in my head numerous times, but it just doesn't ever seem like enough or the right words.

I'm not perfect, and I'm not 100% better yet, and I honestly don't think I will ever be 100% better when it comes to my son, but I'm well enough to see that I took people for granted and I apologize. For everything, for taking ya'll for granted, for acting as if it was no big deal when it really was a huge deal. And I thank you for being there for me through my pregnancy and the few months after, for making sure I got help, for planting the seed. I'm sure words will never be enough to tell ya'll how sorry I am and how much ya'll meant to me and helped me. But to finally write it out feels good.
Amanda

1 comment:

H.C. Bishop said...

I like this post! And I think you are a stellar lady.

Can't wait to see you next week!