Monday, October 25, 2010


I joined a site, the one that is affiliated with the facebook page, I'm thinking maybe it will be nicer than the facebook page, since not just anyone can join. At least, that's my hope. And they screen the profiles before accepting them. I'm sure anyone can join, but I think they'd be a little more guarded. 

People on the facebook page are just so set to believe that all adoptions happen the way theirs did, as a forced placement. And even I'm not dumb enough to believe that. They call "us" young and dumb and naïve, but they're the naïve ones, they're the ones who can't see past their situation, and know that not all adoptions are the same, every one of them is different. It is so hard to watch as people stereo type us. 

Stereo types are everywhere though, and will continue to be, no matter how much awareness is brought to it. And the sad part is, some of the stereo types of adoption are true for some people, and it's those few who give all birth moms a bad name. People think that all birth moms are drug addicted sex crazed teenagers, when that is not the case for every birth mom. People think that all birth moms don't really care about the child, and only about themselves, when in most of the cases I know about it, it is quite the opposite. 

I was not on drugs, and I wasn't a teenager, sure I had issues that led to my getting pregnant, along with some poor decisions, but that doesn't make me fit the "mold" of all birth moms. I never really thought about what the outcome would mean for me when deciding to place my son with his adoptive family. It wasn't until right before he was born that I realized what exactly it meant. And truth be told, right after the adoption took place I was in a bad place, and couldn't see straight, and was just dead set on being a miserable person, and I did become the selfish person that most people think of when they think birth mom. But once I got help, and people showed me how to act, I decided that I needed to better myself, for my son. I didn't want to have those negative stereo types define me as a birth mom. And I knew that when my son looked back on who I was after he was born, I didn't want to let him down. I still have a long ways to go, and some days are worse than others. But for me, I want my son to know that we both are far better off in the situation we were in, and that I am doing so much better now. 

Circumstances leading up to the adoption were just not pretty, and I just don't think I'd be out of those circumstances had I decided to parent. Sure I don't know those things for certain, but I do believe that because of my decision to give my son a better life, I was given the chance to have a better life as well. And I truly believe that I would not be married and in Hawaii today if I had chosen to parent. Not to say that my husband would not have wanted to be with me, because I think and believe he would, but I honestly don't think I would have met him. I have a second chance at life, and I'm going to make the best of it. And instead of letting the stereo types of adoption define me, I'm going to break the pattern and become something better.


1 comment:

A Life Being Lived said...

Love this post! I'm in the stage of trying to move on and make the best of my's so easy to curl up on the couch and be miserable some days though! I love your optimism. It's hard encountering some birthmoms that have had a different experience...or ones that believe that adoption is the root of all evil. We all come from different places and circumstances and should try to empathize and find comfort in each other not judge.