Sunday, October 24, 2010


I joined a new fan page on Facebook today, because I wanted to spread some support, but I'm just too angry to do so right now. (And I will not be linking to that page)

Adoption is a complex thing. No question about it, and it's true that some children are taken away from their mothers. But that is not to say that all adoptions go that route. I did not have my child taken from me, I decided that adoption was the best option for him and myself. And calling myself a birth mom is a compliment, not something I take lightly either. But it is what I chose to call myself. You can chose to call me what you want, as long as it isn't hurtful and said to my face, I'm okay with it. Heck, call me a nasty name to my face, that's fine, I'm secure enough in my decision to know that what you say isn't true. And I refuse to believe that using the term "birth mom" or "biological mom" implies that we will one day not be family. My son is my flesh and blood and that will never change, you can't change someone's DNA, and you can't change the fact that I carried and nurtured and delivered a healthy and beautiful baby boy, thus making him my biological/birth son.

The times are a lot different now, and most adoptions are not forced placements. Sure some of those exist, and people have their children taken away from them every single day. But just because you are one of the ones whose children was taken away doesn't make it okay for you to degrade those of us who decided to give their children what we could not. My heart goes out to those who have lost their children and those who did not have a choice, really, it does. I can not imagine the heartache you are going through, but please, don't take your bitterness out on others who choice to be called something other than what you think is necessary.

There are some terms that I wouldn't want to be called, and some I would never call another birth mom, but like I said, call me what you want, it doesn't change the fact that I am a




S.I.F. said...

Oh lady! It kills me when people allow their bitterness to infect everyone else. When they become so lost in that bitterness that they refuse to believe that anyone else has valid struggles or has made the correct choices. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, because bitterness is just a yucky emotion in general. You are right about one thing though, you are a birth mom and you should be incredibly happy about that!

Amanda said...

Thanks girl! I haven't been back to that page, I might even un-add it, but meh, who knows. Whatever...and yes, I'm very proud of being a birth mom, it hurts like hell most days, but well worth the pain.

Natalie said...

I don't know what the fb post said, but I want you to know that giving up your precious son was the most selfless thing you've ever done -- it was Christlike sacrifice for the sake of another and I applaud you for it.