I talked with my therapist today about Guilt, well, she brought it up, but it makes sense.
It's not a secret how I got pregnant, and I still struggle with the fact that I put myself in that situation, and allowed myself to be so dumb. And I feel guilty. It'll be 2 years in December, and some days the guilt feels as strong as it did back then. There will be a few days where I won't feel guilty, but once I start thinking about it and dwelling on it, then it's just all downhill from there.
It's also not a secret that I never once said the reason for placing him for adoption was for myself, it was always what was best for him, but really, it was what was best for me too. And I feel guilty for thinking that, and I feel like I shouldn't move on and move forward, because somehow it means I'm forgetting. Even though I know that letting go of the guilt does not mean forgetting, and that forgiving myself for the situation is not forgetting. It's weird to describe and kind of makes me look stupid, but it's a fight between my logical brain and my illogical brain. I'm a smart person, or so I'm told, no that was a joke...I'm a smart person because I know that if I move forward with my life, and if I forgive myself and let go of the guilt then I won't forget my son, but I think when you're hurting you can't see it. But then again, I still knew that it wasn't true...
Anyways, I wrote a question over at my community on BlogFrog, I'm going to try and be more active on it, but we'll see, ha!