Ahhhhh

So I haven't updated in a while, not really sure why. Just haven't. A lot has happened since I posted last. I got laid off June 19, and have been looking for work ever since. I just can NOT find one. Nobody is hiring. And I filed for unemployment the following Monday (June 22) and have yet to receive a check. I went to the career center and asked about it. Apparently since I wasn't with my last company for a whole year they had to use my last job to draw from. Well the problem with that is the school system is slower than cream rising on butter and is holding up me getting money. My last pay check was June 25, and somehow I miscalculated and ended up overdrawing 310 bucks. And the bank is calling and calling and I just don't have the money. Even if I had put my birthday money in the bank I still would have been overdrawn. That's another thing that happened since my last post - I turned 24! woohoo...lost my insurance, GREAT! Now I have no money and no insurance and no way to get the meds I need so I don't end up in the hospital again. WOOHOOOO....Life rocks....The whole point of leaving the after school job was in order to get insurance once I turned 24. And they up and lay me off. And now there are no jobs whats so ever in Chattanooga.

Another lovely thing (sarcasm you see) that happened is Steven left for Oklahoma a few weeks ago. I miss him so very much. And if I don't get a job I'm going to go spend a week with him. A part of me does NOT want to get a job, but I sure do need it. Before Steven left for Oklahoma we went to visit my Grandparents in Virginia. We took a trip to DC while there because Steven had never been there and it had been many years since I was there. We had a great time, but it was a horribly short trip. I did get to see my bestest friend while up there. She and her hubs moved up to Fort Belvoir a few months ago, which is like 5 minutes from my grandparents house. So we all went to dinner with them, my grandparents and they also invited my Aunt, Uncle and 2 Cousins. So they got to meet my boyfriend! After we went to see them we went to his hometown and spent some time together. We spent the 4th of July with his family and shot off fireworks. It was a great time. But it was all too short. He'll be in Oklahoma until Oct. 27 and I guess he won't be getting home until the 28th or 29th. Then Dec. is when we go to Hawaii! I can NOT wait! I'm super excited!

6 months

It is so hard to believe it has been 6 months! It really seems like just yesterday I was going into the hospital to have him! The past 6 months has been a roller coaster ride with its ups and downs. Luckily the past few months has had more ups than downs. I'm handling things a lot better, and just going on with my life, the best I know how.

Steven *the boyfriend* and I are doing great! He hasn't talked to dad yet, but we're seriously considering getting married in November. He is being stationed in Hawaii and has asked me to go with him and so the only way I would move that far is if we got married, and things seem to be headed that direction! I'm so in love with him, and the feelings are very much mutual!

I got my second update on the baby a couple weekends ago, and I've been meaning to go to Target and get them put on a CD-Rom (I think they do that...) So I can have them on a disk so I can get copies because some of those pictures are just tooooo adorable to not make copies and enlargements of! I can't wait to get them on a disk so I can share them with you all! I've been truly blessed with all the support I've gotten from all my friends & fellow birth moms. It makes the journey so much easier knowing I'm not alone!

Thank you!

Woot Woot

So all my worrying was for nothing. I got my second update this weekend! He is doing pretty well. They moved, and are going to move again in July or August. They even asked for an update on me! I'll post a few pictures in a bit, I need to take pics of the pictures and upload them to my computer. They also had to spend 5 days in the hospital for acid reflux and weight loss. He apparently had lost too much and their new doctor was worried. All his tests and what not came back great, and he's almost 12 lbs. He's long and skinny with a huge ole head and big ole deep blue eyes!!!!!!

Betrayed

I feel so utterly betrayed. Like the family I placed with was telling me what I wanted to hear just to get my baby and now that they have him and it's final they don't have to do what they said.

They have recently taken me off their facebook accounts, and as June fastly approaches I'm starting to doubt I'll get my second update.

About a month after the birth they wrote me an email telling me they were cutting out communication.

A little background - they have been friends of mine for 3 years now. We have over 150 friends in common on facebook and got pretty close throughout my pregnancy.

I was up for hours last night worrying about whether I was going to get it and why they have decided to all of a sudden delete me and all sorts of other things.

I was going to leave her a nice email on Mother's Day but said to hell with that when I noticed they had deleted me from facebook. And she didn't even acknowledge me.

Mother's Day

So Mother's Day is in a week. I'm not looking forward to it for many reasons. One being my son is no longer with me, but another because my boyfriend leaves for Benning that day. And we just found out that we might not get to spend weekends together like we thought. Another reason is because it just happens to be his 5 month birthday too. I've tried to not let it bother me, and get me down, but there is just this overwhelming feeling of regret and sadness. I'm sitting at the boyfriends house alone, as he is out getting our tent and other stuff from the campsite. He let me stay behind, I kind of wish I had gone ahead with the others to go swimming, as now I'm just sitting and not doing anything. I guess I could shower and clean up from camping, but I'm feeling really lazy, or maybe it's just hung over.

The boyfriend's cousin has a nephew who is just a few months old. He is the most precious baby I've seen in a while, besides mine of course! Well the other night at the Mexican restaurant I held him. Steven was so proud of me for being able to hold him and not get upset. He was very surprised I wanted to hold him at all. But he was just to cute and snugly to pass up! Hahaha - he fell asleep on me and it was the best feeling in the whole world. For a moment it was almost as if I was holding my lil man again.

I also went and hung out with Lauren and her son, who is just a month younger than my lil man. It was the first time I saw him. He is precious too. I didn't know if I could handle it and afterwards I was kind of bummed out, but I think it went really well. I'm making progress I think.

I'm just not looking forward to Mother's Day....so much is happening on that day and I'm so sad about it all.