Wednesday, April 21, 2010

A "How to" Introduction, of sorts

So, I think it was last week, Anna, over at Adoptive Momma of Two wrote a guide about things you might want to stop and think about before you say them to someone who is dealing with infertility. So it got me thinking about things that people have said to me, and other birth parents that were just so insensitive and hurt so bad.

I actually have been told MANY things that have made me go “WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!” Like these people just didn’t think before they spoke. So I’m going to give you some examples. So you can be more aware when you talk to a birth parent. The reasoning for not saying these things is all from MY personal experience and my personal feelings. But I think it will help ya’ll better understand how to handle a conversation with a birth parent.

I’m not telling you to walk on egg shells around us, but to think before you utter the stupid phrases that cut us so deep, and make us run for cover. You may mean well, but you could more than likely make things worse.

There was something about starting a blog that made me cringe, that is why I didn’t do it sooner. I was afraid of what people would say. I was scared of the backlash I might get, the negative comments I would have get. And I honestly haven’t had ANYONE say something negative to me on my blog, but I have had some negative comments on forums. And for the most part, I just let it slide. But I think it’s time someone wrote a “how to,” if you will, on what you shouldn’t say.

This is VERY personal for me, and I’ve put more of myself into this post than any other post, up to now. Even the ones that I tell you my story, this has opened up wounds I thought I had healed. It has taken me 2 days so far to write. And is more than likely going to be WELL over 2000 words. (I’m writing it in Word, so I have no spelling errors.) I also said I wasn’t going to edit it, but I changed my mind, and have already done so, and will probably read over it and change some things, take something out, but more than likely add something.) I’m going to do this in 3 posts. This will be the introduction of the “series,” for a lack of a better term, and then the next 2 posts will be the actual list of things I’ve compiled.

I am not a writer, and I never got good grades on papers, so please, have mercy on me! This is more about what I have to say, then HOW I write it.



Kelsey Stewart, Author said...

Well, it will be interesting to see if they say the same things to you that they say to me.

A couple of months ago I commmented on a blog post. 87 comments later I felt demoralized, beaten and just plain depressed that people would attack someone over words...or use of words...pertaining to the truths as I knew them. I was kind, honest and open in my reponses. Turns out, many there come over to read what I have to say because, well, they had never met a positive person with so much understanding for all sides of the triad. It was a very difficult two weeks of banter but I got through it.

But I sure know what you are talking about here, and I am waiting to read how you felt and how you respond to those that say negative things. Great idea!!!!

Adoptive Momma said...

Love it! Looking forward to linking to all related posts!

Von said...

Good on you for trying and putting it out there.You'll always get those who don't understand, don't want to understand are angry, want to hurt and punish and for all those there are the ones who do and make a connection so it's worth it.Look forward to the posts and don't apologise for anything , it's your life and your words!