National Adoption Day

Whoops, I forgot that yesterday was National Adoption Day, I was just so busy yesterday…I didn’t even get on the computer…

Every day to me is adoption day, honestly there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about adoption and how it’s affected my life and my son’s.

It’s such a blessing, for all sides of the triad. It gives hope to all sides.

It gives hope to the birthmother who doesn’t know how she’s going to raise a child alone, or who just doesn’t want to raise a child. It gives hope to the adoptive parents, who have probably been through hell and back to try and have kids of their own, and who have probably done countless tries of IVF and who have might have been waiting for a child through adoption for years, and then one sweet day, they finally get their miracle. It’s hope for the children of adoption, they’re given a better life. And that is something to celebrate…

11-11-11

So I haven’t done much on my 101 in 1001, but I did do this - Make a wish at 11:11 on November 11, 2011!

I posted it the other day, the picture of hubby and me, my wish is for my hubby to come home safely. It’s really the only thing that matters to me at the moment. His safety and his home coming!

Clarifications

I guess I should have explained it better when I said that I put on a good front. I don’t necessarily feel like it’s a front, but more that when I’m around other people I don’t feel sad, or get depressed. I’m not lonely. I prefer to be around people. But I know that I can’t be around people all the time. And so I’m working on not feeling so lonely when I am alone.

Thanks again to those who help me so much! Ya’ll are the best!!!

Sinking

I feel myself sinking…slowing drifting into depression. Into the darkness.

This holiday season is fast approaching, and with that comes the 3rd birthday of my son, and the emptiness that I sometimes feel when it comes to him. It’s just not natural to carry a child for 9 months and give birth to a baby, and then proceed to go home empty handed and spend the rest of your life without them. I remember the first few weeks, luckily I never woke up in a panic thinking I heard him or afraid I’d miss a feeding. But I did feel empty, my arms felt empty. I’d rock myself to sleep, instead of an infant, because it felt so weird to be going to bed without him. I would cry myself to sleep, begging God to bring him back. Knowing that he was better off with his new family, and that I’d be better in time. Knowing that I did what was best for everyone involved. I gave the best gift to a family who could no longer have children, and I gave the best gift to my son - a mother, father and brother, 2 of those things I couldn’t give him, well, the brother part is something I could have eventually, but the dad part, sure I could have met someone to take the roll, but that void would have still been there, and he deserved to have a father, a loving father, a Godly father.  He will always know how much he is loved, and wanted.

But another reason I’m starting to feel a little depressed is because this will be the 1st Christmas without my husband home. It won’t be our first Thanksgiving apart, we spent our first Thanksgiving apart, and granted the circumstances are totally different, as he was in Hawaii and I was still home, it still stunk. But at least we got to spend last Thanksgiving and Christmas together. I’m going home to the mainland for Christmas. I’m not too excited about the traveling, but I’m looking forward to seeing friends and family. But it’s not going to be the same. By all accounts we’re lucky to have spent 2 Christmases in a row together, but it doesn’t make the fact that we’re not together any easier. And I just feel so bad for him, because he’s all alone, and I’ll be with friends and family…

I put on a good front for people, on the outside I look great, but inside, I’m slowly creeping inside myself. I know I have friends who won’t let that happen, and I’m so incredibly lucky.

So, to my friends and family, thanks in advanced. I love ya’ll more than anything!

Veterans Day

Happy Veterans Day to all those who serve, have served, who gave the ultimate sacrifice, and those on the home fronts.

“Land of the Free, because of the Brave” - Francis Scott Key

A special thanks to my husband and my grandfather for their service. I also have some other family members who serve, so thanks to them as well!