Monday, May 24, 2010

Don't Know How to Bring it Up

Lately I have been so BLAH...some things are on my mind, that I don't know who to talk to about them. I'm afraid to mention it to anyone, I might bring it up tomorrow at my psych. but it's just so confusing, and I don't know if it would help or hinder.

I wish I could go into detail about what it is, but I'm just not ready. I also haven't had much to talk about lately. And I've gotten so behind on blogs, and and SIF's community that I feel so weird going back into there, but I think I need it. I think I might be able to talk to them about what is bothering me.

I think part of it is that I'm ashamed of how I got myself in the situation of having to choose between adoption and parenting that I just don't want to put it all out there because I don't want people to think ill of me. I am so scared of what people say about me behind my back, good or bad, I just hate to think people do talk about me. And I hate being in situations that make me vulnerable. I love hanging out with the people I've met here so far, but I am so scared of what they think of me, and what they'll think of me when they hear about my past. WHICH is silly because all the ones who know about my past have been nothing but NICE and LOVING and UNDERSTANDING. It all goes back to the tug of war my rational brain and irrational brain! Which is for a whole different blog post...