Gift Exchange with the BESTIE

So for Christmas this year, Mel and I decided to fill a big box full of things that we thought one another would like, or that reminded us of the other. My box got here on Monday, because unlike me, she's not a procrastinator. Luckily, her's got to her on Christmas Eve, so it all worked out....I am going to show you what I got, and this is just a thank you post, as well. Although, words can't express how grateful I was to receive so many wonderful things from her. She really went above and beyond in the friend department :)

This is the outside of the box, I think I have the same stickers, which happens a lot with Mel and me, since we shop at the SAME place for most of our stickers ;) 

Looking inside, before I started opening things :) She says she wraps like a 5 year old, but I think she did a great job :)

ignore the receipt, lol

Lip Smackers and candy, I think I died and went to heaven ;)

Tinkerbell Stationery and like a thousand + stickers, I only took this picture, it doesn't do justice to all the stickers she put in there, but I figured I wouldn't bore you with thousands of pictures HA!

This book is so cute, hubby called it a coffee table book, and it would go on ours, if we had one ;) It has pictures of animals and some parts are just too funny..I think anyone who is prone to have blue days (i.e. everyone) should have this book....

LOTS of note cards and a list pad and notebook and a note pad, all very pretty!!

8 Nail Polishes, all different colors, all beautiful, my basket of nail polishes is now almost over flowing, I might need a new one, ha! I used that light pink and I think the pink in the left corner on my toes, but it might be the one next to the light pink, I can't really tell from the picture, ha!

Tinkerbell things from Disney, the key chain is on my keys already, and the I'm going to put that pin on my purse, the mints aren't that great tasting, but I love the tin, and will find some use for it, I think my business cards would fit perfectly in there!

A tote bag from Disney with this really pretty pattern, it is a good size, and would be perfect for a towel and sunscreen for the beach, but I think I might just use it as a purse!!

Mel and I have an obession with Holly Madison, I got her 6 pairs of her knee high socks for her box, and she got me this best friends candy necklace, and then of course, some pens so I can write her on those sweet note cards ;)

Coloring books, which are just super cute!! 

And my FAVORITE thing from the box....are ya'll ready for this, I don't think you are....

Tinkerbell PJ's - I put them on as soon as I opened them, and I haven't taken them off (except I just did since we're about to leave, ha)

I mean to tell ya that I have the bestest friend in the world!!!! The box I sent looks pitiful compared to the one she sent me...But she loved it and that is ALL that matters to me!!!!!

Thanks SO much Mel for my awesome stuff, you ROCK, I just wrote you a letter, it will go in the mail tomorrow, with our Christmas Cards (New Years Cards really, lol, and once people start to get them, I'll post about them, they're the free ones I got from shutterfly.com)

Birth Mother's Christmas Poem

This time of year can be so hard on us birth moms. Especially those who haven't seen their children in person since they were born. My heart aches to be with him on special days, but knowing that he's happy and healthy and has a wonderful and loving home to grow up in eases that pain a little.

I remember 3 Christmases ago like it was yesterday, sure my son is only 2, but this is his 3rd Christmas after all. I bawled my eyes out as I laid in bed. I don't know if my dad or brother knew, if they did they just left me alone and let me grieve. I remember laying there, feeling empty, and alone. My heart breaking. I truly knew what Mary felt when Jesus died on the cross. Can you imagine what it would have been like for her if she had known he was to die? And in a way, that's how it was for me at the beginning of my pregnancy, not knowing that my child wouldn't be mine. And the first few weeks, he was going to be mine. Somehow though, I knew he wasn't meant to be with me. And I imagine that Mary felt the same peace when she found out the fate of Jesus. Knowing it was for the best, and knowing that good things were to come from it. And that is exactly what happened to me. My son saved me. It might sound silly, or far fetched, but I truly believe in my heart that if I had kept him things would have been so different, and gone so much worse for us. I'm so thankful to be the wife of an amazing man, and spending our 2nd Christmas, in a row at that, together. Which is so rare in military families.

Anyways, I'll leave you with this, and please keep my family in your prayers, it's the first Christmas without my grandmother. Also pray for those overseas away from their families fighting for our wonderful country, and for those birth moms suffering, and the potential adoptive parents who are waiting for their children.

*I got this from Stefanie over at Becoming Stefanie Despain, a fellow birth mother*

A Birthmother's Christmas

by Shonna K.

It was the night before Christmas

and all through the world

Birthmothers were praying

for their precious boys and girls.

One certain Birthmother

Was trying not to mourn

For this Christmas was the first

Since her baby had been born

Knowing her decision

Was one for the best

She lights a candle in memory

Then sits down to rest.

The wick of the candle

flickers with light

The wind outside is howling

She finds little comfort on this lonely night

For this is the first of many

She will feel this great loss

For her child reaps the benefit,

She simply pays the cost

She takes out an album

And gently dusts off the cover

It is all she has left

To feel like a mother.

She treasures each photo

of her little one

They are her only ties

To her precious son.

Silently a tear

Slips down her cheek

She wipes it away quickly

So she doesn't appear weak.

Christmas will never

be the same again

She will always be thinking

of her little man.

She knows through her pain

For him this was right

But her unselfless deed

Gives little comfort that night.

Her arms are still empty

Her heart is still breaking

He is with somebody else

And she is left aching.

Her heart sits on each page

Of that dusty book

In his eyes, his little face

The way that he looks.

The clock strikes midnight

It is officially Christmas morn

The first that he's had

Since the day he was born

She can't hide her pain

She can't hide her tears

This is the first of many

Long, painful years

But the light that she sees

At the end of all this

Is the smile on his face

He is truly blessed

With that thought

She slowly readies for bed

To sleep all night

Dreams of him in her head

She slowly lays down

And heads off to sleep

Knowing his memory

She will always keep.

Merry Christmas Ya'll!

Christmas Meal, Boxes, Gifts, and Sickness

I had not realized it had been so long since I updated, geez, but I have a good excuse...I've been sick since Thursday (Dec. 16) with a stomach bug from hell. And I thought I was better, but I just don't know. We'll find out. Hubby said it could last 3 weeks, I hope not. I'm suppose to be baby sitting this week and next week, and I had to cancel this week, as I was so sick, and I didn't want to get him sick. I'm hoping to be 100% better by Christmas. I have a big meal planned for Christmas, and if I can't eat it, then I'll be sad, and there certainly isn't any reason to make it if neither of us can enjoy it.

The hubby has had to go to work even though he's been sick, but I haven't left the house for more than a few minutes since I got sick. He is in charge of the salute battery for a funereal service at the end of the month, so he's had meetings and practice. This will be a huge honor, and be a great addition to his resume! It is kind of sad because it means someone died, but this was an older gentlemen, who had been sick for a while. He is being laid to rest at Punchbowl, which the hubby told me is like the Arlington of the Pacific. The hubby wasn't sure if he'd have to do this, but then they found out his wife is placed there, so that sealed the deal.

So today, I knew that if we didn't get to the commissary then we wouldn't have food for Christmas. So we went, and I wanted to make The Pioneer Woman's Sweet Potatoes, but guess what, the commissary was OUT of sweet potatoes, they had a TON of regular baking potatoes, but NO sweet potatoes, apparently everyone bought them this morning. I was quite sad, those sweet potatoes are SO good, I'm going to look tomorrow, or just go to a different grocery store, which we'll end up paying an arm and a leg, but I think it'll be worth it for these sweet potatoes! I will have to look, I'm sure we'll have enough food without them, but I wanted them for Thanksgiving, but didn't do them, and thought they'd be great for Christmas. I found a recipe for a slow cooker ham, I bought a very tiny one, since I'll be the only one eating it, but it has a cherry glaze on it, and I'm kinda excited. Steven found a Cornish Hen, which we're probably dumb, but thought it'd be the same as a chicken, so we'll see. I have no idea what to do with it, but I'm sure I will find something. If not we have chicken nuggets, lol....I'm gonna make the staple green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, and have suckatash, which has become a tradition at big meals!

I finally got my besties gift box out in the mail on Saturday. I know she doesn't care that it won't be there by Christmas, but I DO...I just had to wait and make sure I had the perfect things in it. And I wish I had done more, but I know she will LOVE everything. Her box for me is under our tree, as she asked me to wait til Christmas Eve, and even though she told me when I was sick I could open it sooner, I'm going to wait. I want something to open on Christmas, since I had my crock pot given to me early...

The hubby thought he was slick, and so I'm getting something else for Christmas, I told him not to get it for me, since we're trying to be on a budget, but he took his Christmas money from my grandfather and bought me something small from Kay's, I have no idea what it is, and I wouldn't even know about it, if we hadn't have used his car the other day, as he left the bag on the passenger seat, I know that whatever it is I will love, and there is also another surprise down in my stocking, so that is fun. He has his gift already, and he uses it every night, it's a wi-fi music player thing, it can pull music off any device in our home via the wi-fi connection and play it. It's pretty neat.

Today

*Disclaimer: This is MY blog, and these are MY thoughts, I'm in no way trying to make anyone feel bad or in no way want things to get back to the adoptive family. MY thoughts don't mean I'm not happy with them or that I hate them or don't love them, they are just MY feelings. And I think that I'm entitled to my feelings and should be able to write about them whenever and however I want to, and shouldn't have to feel as if I need to edit myself, so be warned, lol*

You know, yesterday was a pretty good day, seeing as it was my son's 2nd birthday, but today, well, that's a different story because today marks 2 years since I last held him and saw him in person, and well, I miss him. I didn't think I would be so shut out of his life, I never thought I'd be the birthmom who only gets letters and pictures every so often. See, I knew the family before I got pregnant, and I didn't think it was necessary to make a iron clad openness agreement. There was talk about a calendar of his milestones that she'd send me, and an official letter and pictures once a year, but I never thought they'd shut me out as much as they ended up doing in the end. I wish I had the knowledge then to make these things, and I hate that it is too late. I did email the attorney about a month after the birth to plea for more updates, and I asked for every 6 months, and they came up with every 3 months until he's 1 and then every 6 months til he's 4, and then yearly.

I know I'm lucky to even get updates, but it just stinks when you were thinking you'd have more than that. And it stinks when you feel as if you were just an incubator for this family, and they were saying things and doing things just so you'd give them your child. And since I'm being real here, that is how I felt a few months after the birth and adoption. I felt betrayed, I felt let down, I felt as if they used me. And that is a horrible feeling to feel when you're speaking of friends, and my son's parents. But it was how I felt at the time, and how I sometimes feel from time to time. Please don't tell me it's the Devil, because I think my thoughts are completely justified, and that would just piss me off. Please don't try to make me feel better, I'm not looking for that, nor am I looking for sympathy. I'm just simply putting it out there.

Everyone asks if I could go back what would I do differently, and well, I don't think that answering that question would necessarily mean I regret anything, but just that if I had known what I know now then there would be some things I'd do differently. For instance, I would have asked for time alone with my son. And that I'd be able to spend more time with him. I got to see him twice after he was born, and hold him twice, but if I could have held him longer, or spent more time with him, I think it would have been just that much more of a memory. But instead, there were 4 people visiting me, the adoptive mom and a nurse, and the nurse was very pushy about how he needed to go get tests, that could have waited a few more minutes. I did get to see him again that day, but it was as they were leaving the hospital, so it was rushed as well. Another thing I'd do differently is the openness agreement, I would have made sure I knew exactly what to expect from them after the birth, and in regards to our friendship on facebook and what not. Instead I just assumed things, and that ended up hurting me in the end. I kind of understand what they meant, but it was as if they weren't thinking about my feelings, but only theirs, and that sucked. They were so interested in how things were going before he was born, and how I was doing before he was born, it was almost as if they just didn't really care any more.

I'm quite lucky, I know. And I cherish the updates I get, and look forward to them. I love the adoptive family so much, and I'm so grateful to them for giving my son a life I just was not able to at the time, and they will always have a special place in my heart, as they tell me I will in theirs. It just is really hard sometimes. And I think that I just needed to write these feelings down and get them out there, so they're no longer lingering inside me. And it does feel a little better. It just will always hurt, and the day it stops hurting is the day I will want to curl up in a ball and die. I know that will never happen, and no matter what happens in my life I will always love my son, even when my husband and I start having our own children. And I know that even when I don't think about him, I still love him and won't ever forget him. But right now, he's almost always on the forefront of my mind, and the hole in my heart that longs for him is quite large, and nothing seems to cure that. I know time will, and time has helped, just not as much as I'd hope it would have.

Christmas Wish List, what the heck

I kind of already bombarded Facebook with a few of the books I want, and I figured I'd post them here, take up less space, and be less annoying ;)

Here is how to gift Kindle books, you need to use my husband's email, which if you write me an email I will give it to you that way. Our amazon account is linked through him, so my Kindle is linked to that account...(mandanegley09[at]gmail[dot]com)

Cross Roads & Deja Vu - Fern Michaels (Books 18 & 19 in the Sisterhood series, and yes I've read them all up to those two, and there is a 20th coming out in 2011)
Happy Ever After - Nora Roberts
The Guest List - Fern Michaels
Dear Emily - Fern Michaels (this one is a 2 in 1 book, LOVE those)
Exclusive & The Scoop - Fern Michaels (It's the Godmother's series...)
Any of the 3 Chelsea Handler books :)

Heather McDonald's book, You'll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again

This purse skirt in Pixie Pink Medallion, Floral Fanfare, Peacock Paisley, Onyx Medallion and/or Embroidered Crimson; or a gift certificate :)

A 3-pack or 6-pack of scents from Scentsy: any of the scents from the Fall/Winter, Bakery, Spa, Romance(especially You Go, Girl) collections, or you could just get a gift certificate from Scentsy too!

1LT promotion pictures

*copied from the other blog, but I'm just too proud of him to not share here*

Doing work before the formation...

Saying the Oath...

Pinning my husband :) 

SOOOO Proud of him, the first thing person he thanked was ME, melted my heart!!

No longer a butter bar, he's my handsome 1LT now, and boy I couldn't be more proud of him!!

The end of Adoption Awareness Month

So I feel like a huge ass for not finishing the blog challenge of posting every day for November. But I think to make up for it, I'll write about something profound, but I just can't think of anything.....hahaha

So with that being said, hope everyone had a wonderful month. I am so looking forward to the Christmas season! I just love it!!

Spreading Holiday Cheer One Card at a Time

Growing up my grandfather would ALWAYS get us together and have us pose for Christmas photos. And each year he’d get them made, they’d send theirs, and he’d give us a bunch to send. Well, I think as the kids got older it got harder to do. And so we stopped, but I’ve always loved the idea of Christmas photo cards.

This year, I think I want to send our own. We’re going to a ball on Friday, and I think that might be the perfect chance to get a good picture of the two of us, and I just know the moms would love to have a picture of us all dolled up. My husband in his dress blues and I will be in a formal dress.

So when looking through the card selection on shutterfly.com, I couldn’t pick one, I loved a lot of them, but finally I got my husband to help select one, and I think we finally found a card we both like. I’ll link to the ones we were looking at, but not tell you which one we’re getting, that might spoil the surprise for some! :)

Swirls and Dots Holiday card, Peppermint Palms Card, Dazzle and Sparkle Holiday Card, and Pop Art Ornaments Christmas

I am also looking at the canvas wall art feature they have. Or maybe a calendar for the grandparents.

Shutterfly.com is giving away 50 free Christmas Cards for Bloggers, go here and fill out their form!!

Almost 2 years Already?!

Well, the whole blog everyday for Adoption Awareness was kinda shot to hell, oops...it happens, so I guess I'll just share the update I got, well, highlights, I don't post pictures of my son, the ones they send me are theirs, and they didn't give me permission to share them, and the only ones I share them with are family and very close friends. But I will share some things they shared with me.

He's almost 2 years old....he'll be 2 Dec 10...
-He has a great sense of humor, and is starting to get a 2 y/o attitude
-He's a tattletale - whenever his older brother does something wrong he runs and tells their mom
-He loves to dance, and has great rhythm
-He sleeps with a train or a car every night
-He LOVES candy, and was a doctor for Halloween
-He knows about 20 sign language signs
-He can say a handful of words and sentences, he has a physical therapist to help with his speech
-He is quite the little traveler still, they travel a lot, the last update I got they had gone to visit Chattanooga, and there were pictures of him at the park and children't museum.
-They've been to the beach several times, and they sent a picture of him and his brother sitting looking out to the ocean with the older brother's arm around him, it is precious! And then one of my son laying in the sand, it looks almost professional.
-There were some really great pictures, and I have a few favorites, there is one of him with a tootsie roll and he's got this expression of joy and hyperness, ha!
-He is such a ham, and every picture shows his personality so well. It is amazing to see how he's changed, and how big he's gotten.

It's really hard to believe that it will be 2 years soon. And with the happiness of getting this update, there is sadness that I have to wait 6 months to get more. I have to go get his ornament and I'm going to get some baby pictures of me made so I can send them, I've been meaning to do that for a while, I'm also going to send some wedding pictures. Along with a little letter and I got this really cute card for his birthday too.

Free Photo Cards, why yes please

I found this from Katie, and I just couldn't believe my eyes! 

Shutterfly is giving bloggers 50 free Holiday cards, don't believe me, check it out here! They have a great selection, and super cute things!! Check it out here!

There are so many pretty designs, I'm going to have a hard time picking, I guess I'll have to get my husband involved, and get someone to get some good pictures of us for the ball, I think that would be a good picture to put on there, him in his blues, me in a pretty dress!! :)

Forgetful

Anyone who knows me knows that I am the worlds most forgetful person. That is why I'm awake at 5:30am....I forgot to put the hubby's pts in the dryer last night, and I feel like shit....so the award for worlds worse housewife goes to me....actually I'm sure there are worse housewives out there, might as well not make a big deal out of this. Mistakes happen, right....and who the hell turned off the buzzer on the washing machine? I don't think it was me, but then again, I am quite the forgetful one...

Amanda

4. Watch 26 movies I've never seen starting with each letter of the Alphabet

So far I've only tackled 2 of the letters, and I'm gonna work on a third later....Y & T are the two I've done, so here are the movies...(These are movies I have not seen)

You Don't Mess with the Zohan & The Pick-Up Artist

I really liked The Pick-Up Artist more than the Zohan movie, but I love Adam Sandler, and I thought I might be able to get into it now, I tried to watch it a couple years ago, but I just couldn't get into it. And well, I couldn't now either, but I watched it, and there were places I laughed! I loved The Pick-Up Artist, old school Robert Downy Jr and Molly Ringwald, HEAVEN!!!

62. 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind

1. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? 
23

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? 
never trying

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? 
Because we're scared
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
Probably

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
War

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Teaching or adoption counseling (mostly birthmoms though)

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
I'd like to think I'm doing what I believe in...but I think I'm settling more...

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I don't think I'd change anything....

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
I think I've controlled it a lot, as for what degree, I have no idea...

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
A little of both

11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
Stand up for my friend, even it means upsetting the people I respect and admire!

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Why would I offer a newborn advice, they're not going to remember it later in life....

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Yes

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
No

15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
Housekeeping

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Because we are all different, if we were all the same the world would be a boring place

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
Gone to Italy, money

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
No

19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
Italy, because I think it would be a fun place to live, and I've always wanted to go there

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
Yes, and no

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
joyful simpleton

22.Why are you, you?
Because of the things in my past, they make me who I am today

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
I try to be, I'm sure I've failed some people, but I try my best

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
losing touch with a friend near you, good friends can move away, but you can still be good friends.

25. What are you most grateful for?
My husband and my son

26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
well, I don't like either option, but I think I'd rather lose the old, and be able to make new ones

27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
No

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
Not yet, hoping it won't

29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
Yes, it matters a lot

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
Vacations in Virginia with my grandparents, because they were spent with my grandparents!

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
Never

32. If not now, then when?
Never

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
Nothing

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Yes, with some of my closest friends

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Because they support different types of love and they fight over who's right and who's wrong

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
Yes, I think so

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
Since I don't have a job, then yes =P but if I had a job, then I probably wouldn't quit my job

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
Less work...

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
Nope

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
Never

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
my son

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
Famous

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
Truly living is where you actually live your life, and just being alive is going through the motions

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
Right now
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Afraid of what the lesson is...

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
Nothing

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
All the time

48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
my husband, and I would hope so

49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
Probably not, I have a horrible memory!

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? 
A little of both

Today's the Day

Today is National Adoption Awareness Day!


Nov. 20
Support your local adoption community by attending a ceremony. Now I have no clue what was done around my community for it, I'm going to go out on a limb and say absolutely nothing...and it's pretty sad that I didn't go looking for something, but to be honest, I slept til well after 1pm today...and I have not done any research to see what is going on in the community about adoption, I haven't looked for support groups, I've thought about it plenty, but I'm not sure if I want to put myself out there. It is no secret that I am a birth mom, but I am scared.

I know people judge me for it, and I know people think badly about my decision, they say rude things about me behind my back, and to others who know me. They've spread rumors and talked completely and utter CRAP about my situation and how I could ever do something like that. They don't care why I did it, they want to think badly of me for it, and so there really is no reason to tell them my reasoning. They're going to skew it into me being a selfish, unloving, uncaring person who just didn't want a child. I've seen it, I've heard it. People don't think that the stuff will get back to me, but it has. And it HURTS. I'm a very loving and caring person, and I do want children. And I never once thought about myself when I was making my adoption plan. It was all about how my child would be better off without me. It wasn't until after I had already made my mind up that I realized what this meant for me, in terms of making something for myself. And I never thought of my adoption plan as temporary, something I'd try to reverse once I found someone and got married. I was not looking to get married when I met my husband, marriage was the farthest thing from my mind, I was looking to go back to school, finish my degree, teach and then hopefully somewhere down the road get married. It just so happened I met my husband when my son was 2 months old and started dating him when he was only 3 months. By the time my husband and I got married it was far to late to change my mind about the adoption, there was no turning back on that. And anyone who knows something about adoption knows that it is very hard to get an adoption turned around. It would have cost a lot of money, taken a lot of time, and in the end, would have ended up being a completely and utter waste of time, money and energy. See, we did things by Georgia law, which allowed me to sign the papers in the hospital, and gave me 10 days to change my mind(quite a few states have this grace period.) After the 10 days you CANNOT withdraw your surrender.

(While looking to see which law we used, I found this to be quite interesting, it's from adoption.com, and it's about when consent to adopt can take place....

"Only two States (Alabama and Hawaii) allow the birth mother to consent before the birth of her child; however, the decision to consent must be reaffirmed after the child's birth."

Anyways, it made me giggle that people were saying I was going to try and get my son back now that I was married, they clearly don't know anything about adoption and how it works. I just don't get how people can be so uneducated about things. It's not like my son is in any harm or danger living with his parents, he's thriving and doing really well, so trying to get him back wouldn't be in his best interest, and would not only hurt him, but his family, and I could never do that to him or his family. Not to mention it wouldn't be fair to my husband, to ask him to raise a child that isn't his. Even though I know that if I had kept my son, and met my husband he would have done so willingly. And not that I think it is wrong to do that. I know many people who had children before they met their significant other and the s/o welcomed their children with open arms. Even being a better parent then the child's birth parent. So I know it can work. But this isn't what was meant to happen, I feel very strongly that I am living the life I was meant to live, and my son is living the life he was meant to live.

Even though I knew very early in my pregnancy that my son was meant for another family doesn't mean he is any less my son. But I just wasn't meant to raise him. And I am meant to raise children with my husband, our children. And I pray that one day I will get to raise children with him, because he will make the best father. If we have a girl he will be so tightly wrapped around her finger it isn't funny, same goes for any boys we have.

Negatives and Positives

I started following this birth mom, Stefanie, recently and in a post she wrote yesterday she asked for birth parent input, and so I quickly typed up and email and asked her how I could help, and it was all about the positive and negative things we, as birth parents, have heard.

So, this is kind of like my first guest appearance on a blog, and so I give you 19. Negative and Positive (Birthmom Edition)

Ya'll might remember the "How To" posts I did back in April, this is a lot like those posts, so here those are again, and someone asked me to do what not to say, so since it's Adoption Awareness Month I will write that up for ya'll.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Read two books a month - Novembers Picks

Number 36 on my list is to read a new book a month. And I'm trying to read books I haven't read yet, to broaden my book horizons. Here are the other challenges I've put on myself about reading, I'm going to have to remove one of my challenges, as it is the same as this one, except not new books, and well, I think it might be cheating if I use it too, oh wait, I'm going to do it too, so I will be reading a new book a month, and then I can pick another book I've already read to read too....(sorry for the think writing, lol)

1. Read 10 new books
2. Read 50 new books
3. Read 101 books
4. Read a book every month 

This month's book is "The Phantom of the Opera" by Gaston Leroux, I got it free for the Kindle, it is my favorite Opera, and I LOVE the movie, the book so far is pretty good. It was a little hard to get into. But I'm chugging along, when I read! ha!

Anyways, I also had started a Nora Roberts book, so I will finish that one as well, it is from the "Bridal Quartet", it's the third book, "Savor the Moment," the last book is "Happy Ever After" and it is suppose to come out this month(her site says Nov 2,) and I will be picking it up, as I've read all the others in the Quartet, but after I finish the third book.

I LOVE to read an entire series, and I have almost read every book in Fern Michaels "Sisterhood Series," I thought I had one left but it turns out she has 2 more to release in 2010 and one already set to come out in 2011. I will be getting the next one soon, as I don't want to get too far behind, as she seems to write a lot of these and keeps coming out with more. As of right now, there are 20 books in this series, and I've read all but 3...here is her site, she is one of my favorite authors, along with Nora Roberts.

If anyone wants to buy me something for Christmas, you can get me "Deja Vu," which is Book 19 in the "Sisterhood Series," and will be released Dec 28, 2010! And "Home Free," which is the 20th book, is scheduled to release April 1, 2011, which would be a great "sorry your husband is deployed or going to deploy soon" gift ;)

Nov 17 & Some randomness

So when looking up what today's suggestion was something caught my eye, it was an article written to hopeful adoptive families, it was a guide for what to include in your letter to birth mothers. There was also a link to another article about what not to include in your letter, those were pretty informative, some of the suggestions I didn't agree with, but I figured I'd pass them along anyways, as they did touch on things I thought should be included and left out.

Nov 17
Email or call friends and family about upcoming adoption events. 

I have not been sleeping well lately. Right now as I type this it is almost 1am, and I'm WIDE awake, and I haven't had ANY caffeine, NONE...the last few nights it's been well after 1am when going to bed, which also means I'm not getting up in the morning until the afternoon. Which might be why I can't go to bed, but even if I take my meds at a reasonable time I'm still awake late, and when I go to lay down I toss and turn. I just don't get it. I wish I could sleep. At least go to bed at a decent hour. Oh well, hopefully I get back into a cycle.

I got shoes tonight, they're so pretty....they're going to look so great with my dress for the ball, and my jewelry! I'm just gonna give ya'll a sneak peek, I don't want to put pictures of my dress on here yet, but this is my shoes, and earrings, the necklace looks just like the earrings, that with red toe nails will look GREAT with my simple black dress!!! (The shoes are from Ross, $25!)

The ball is Dec. 3, I'll write about the ball later, I'm going to take my meds and lay down!

Nov 16 - Adoption Related Movies

I wrote yesterday about something that could have been taken the wrong way, and I wanted to set the record straight. I know after I said I was jealous I said that I was happy for pregnant people, especially my friends, but I wanted to tell ya'll that I really am happy, and that the jealousy I feel isn't huge, and it has no effect on how I feel towards my friends who are pregnant, and it definitely doesn't make my happiness for them any less significant. So, if you're a friend, and you're pregnant, please know that I am extremely happy for you and will adore your child(ren)! I just hope ya'll can understand that it is hard to see pregnant people, and that I would never try to make your pregnancies about me or my feelings, and that I was speaking in generals yesterday, and not about anyone specific, as I have several friends who are pregnant. I just wanted to put this out there before I get into my original post....

So the suggestion for today, coming from the calendar on adoption.com, as usual, is below, and I did some research for this one!! (all links are from imbd.com, I just typed in adoption as a keyword...and read the storyline)

Nov. 16
Watch an adoption-related movie with your family. 

Documentary
A Place Called Home: An Adoption Story (2004)
Off And Running (2009)

A Family Is a Family Is a Family: A Rosie O'Donnell Celebration (TV 2010)

In Search Of Home (1953)

Going Home (2009)

Sunshine (2009)

Romantic Comedy
Gigantic (2008) (not too sure about this one, might not be suitable for children...it is rated R)
The Tunnel of Love (1958) (might not be suitable for children, imbd.com didn't have a rating)

Family/Romance/Drama
Love's Unending Legacy (2007)

Comedy

Annie

Anne of Green Gables

Angels in the Outfield

Pollyanna

How Will I Do It?

Kelsey, at A Birth Mother's Voice wrote about what it was like to raise children after placing children, To Have, Or Not To Have. And I wrote a comment to her that basically said I was in tears by the end of it because the first part felt as if I wrote it, and the last part gave me so much hope, since she is raising children now. And it made me aware of all the emotions I'm feeling about this topic, and how instead of just ignoring them, I should write them out and work through them.

One thing that I struggle with is being jealous of all pregnant woman, not because I want to be pregnant right now, because I am not ready for a baby right now. It's just hard to see, and it isn't a lack of happiness for them, because I have several friends who are expecting, and I couldn't be happier. But there are times when, and I've told a few friends, that there are only a handful of people who could tell me they're pregnant and not send me diving off a cliff. It just seems like lately, everyone around me is getting pregnant, and I know, it's our age, but still, it's hard to see, and it hurts. But this post is about my feelings towards raising my own children, and getting pregnant myself, and with my husband, not so much how other pregnancies make me feel, because that is a whole other ball of wax!

I'm terrified of becoming pregnant again. And I'd be lying if I told you it hasn't effected my marriage. I love my husband so much, and I feel bad for it, but I think I just kind of shut down when it comes to that aspect of our marriage. There's also a possibility that it's some of the medicine's I've been on, anti-depressants and mood stabilizers tend to lower your sex drive, but I think that most of it comes from my not wanting to become pregnant right now. Of course I'm in a loving, stable relationship, so if we were to get pregnant right now things would work out, but I don't know how I'd handle it. I am scared of what my reaction would be, how it would make me feel, what it would mean. And what it would mean, right at this moment, is that I'd be alone during the majority of the pregnancy and raising a child on my own for the first half of it's life, and that my husband would miss all those things. And I don't know how my son would react if he found out that the next child I had after him was born with their father in another country and not being around, when those were the reasons I placed my son. Sure my circumstances now are much difference, and my husband would be coming back, but I still can't help to think that. And I think Kelsey said that all a whole lot better than I did, "Knowing that I placed them, but raised other children after them?" (yes Kelsey, that is a question, and a good one at that) I'm sure a lot of birth moms feel the same way, and ask that same question, because we don't want to hurt our placed children, but for me, I placed him so he could have a better life than what I was able to give him at the time, and then decided that I wanted to do everything I could to make myself a better person, for him, and I think raising children with my husband would be a part of that, so I'd hope he'd be happy to see that I did move on, but at the same time I can't help but think what else would my son think, how would it make him feel to find out that he had younger siblings? Would he feel or think it meant I loved him less, or loved the children I raise more. Would I do those things, is that how I'd feel? Would I actually be capable of loving them the same, and would I be able to be a good mother to the children I have after placement?

Giving birth that first time was fairly easy, scheduled c-section, anxiety medicine as soon as he was born, and I didn't have to care for him at all in the hospital. I was rarely alone the whole time, aside from nights, which were the hardest, the night nurses weren't very nice, and the day after his birth was harder than the others because he had already been discharged, but I had friends in and out the whole time, which helped. I don't think I had time, or gave myself time, to process what exactly I was doing. I went into auto pilot, and sailed through it. But the next time, I'm not going to be able to just sail through it, auto pilot isn't going to be an option, sure I could get the anxiety medicine as soon as the baby is born, but will I need them? Will I be able to handle it all, as Kelsey said, "Would it bring it all back in a bad way, in a torturous way? Would I be forever thinking about all that I missed the first time around?" And to be honest, I'm not sure about the answers. I'm sure I won't go into the birth without talking to the doctors about this, and having a plan set in place in case I can't handle it, and I can only do so much to ward off those feelings, but those are real, and I think, legitimate fears. And I don't think I'll have the answers until I'm there in that moment. And even then, I might still not know. 


Until then, you just don't let those questions eat you alive, and you take those feelings and deal with them one at a time. And you really won't know the answers until you are pregnant again, and getting ready for the birth of the children you're going to raise. And even some of those won't be answered until a while after you bring new children into the world, because you might not be able to hear from your placed child. We as birth moms need to just trust that our children, all of them, will understand and love us just the same. And we will love all our children all the same, it's how we're wired, it's how God created us. 

Holiday Gift Guide Blog Hop - Week 2

Week 2 - Man Gifts


Be sure to go back to this blog and link up every week, or to just look for great ideas!

As for my husband I have no idea what to get him as he buys things for himself throughout the year, like video games, and music. Last year I got him some stocking stuffers of gift cards and bath room things, like shaving gel, razor blades, shampoo, body wash, etc. His "big" gift was a chocolate fountain, it was $10 and like a gag gift, we haven't used it yet, but it's a children's toy....

This year I have really no ideas what to get him...so I'm looking forward to seeing what other's are suggesting.

Some good places to look for gifts would be Current Catalog, they even have a whole section devoted for Gifts for Him

I signed up for this site to sell my stationery, and they have customizable things, and they have TIES! All sorts of Ties, and that is such a go to gift, but how neat would it be to get them a custom tie, that not many others would have....

The above site also has t-shirts and you can even customize your own products. It is FREE to use, and if you set things up to sell you make a certain percentage from all sales. I have a store, it's mainly stationery right now, and ornaments, but I will be adding more later, once I can figure out how to offer personalization.

Guest Blogger Kristen Davis: Unplanned Pregnancy: Limitations to Sexual Awareness in American Women

I got an email from Kristen Davis late last week, and she wanted to write an article for my blog, so I said, what the heck, I gave her some background on my readers and who I want to reach, and she came up with the following article. Thank you Kristen!

Unplanned Pregnancy: Limitations to Sexual Awareness in American Women

Sexuality is a major topic in America today because of all the possible health impacts that accompany an unplanned pregnancy. Unfortunately, too few women consider adoption a legitimate option when they find themselves confronted with this situation. Mothers who instead turn to abortion as a solution face a host of physical and mental consequences after having this procedure done. One in ten of these women will experience one of more of the over 100 complications seen after abortion, including infection, hemorrhaging and convulsions.

Obviously for young women that do not wish to have children yet, avoiding pregnancy remains the best option. However, doing so safely is not guaranteed either. While the popularity of certain birth control methods is undeniable based on their widespread use, these methods also bring forth a host of further risks. Unfortunately, teens tend to fixate on avoiding pregnancy, arguably because it’s the most visible consequence, without considering the physical dangers that accompany sexual activity. However, with such well-established and successful adoption programs in place to bring life to a family unable to have children, young women should focus less on pregnancy and instead recognize the threats to their health if they engage in unsafe sex. 

            One major factor to consider regarding oral contraceptives is the potentially dangerous implications users might acquire about these drugs. While oral contraceptives are up to 99% effective at preventing pregnancy, these products often mislead young adults into believing they are protected against sexually transmitted disease as well. While pregnancy rates for unmarried young women in this country are declining, sexually transmitted disease rates continue to grow. Frighteningly, these drugs might actually be a contributing factor to this trend as teens protected from pregnancy are emboldened to have unprotected sex.

            Unfortunately, schools might fail to address the dangers of these contraceptives in health-centered education classes. With the U.S. government’s renewal of its $50 million a year funding over the next five years for abstinence-focused education, teens might not receive the comprehensive information needed to make the right choice about birth control. Worse still, schools might totally refuse to discuss contraception because it conflicts with the curriculum’s assertion that abstinence should be the sole method teens use regarding sexuality. While promoting abstinence-focused education, schools might also alienate the very students they most need to reach as these sexually-active teens are potentially ignored.

            Less informative still, the manufacturers of contraceptives regularly fail to mention important information regarding their product’s safety, leading to further drug misconception. One producer, Bayer HealthCare, was recently cited by the FDA for having misleading television advertisements concerning its products. Promoting their product as a total quality-of-life aid, these ads further misled teens into choosing these drugs based on unproven claims. Furthermore, Bayer was cited for substandard conditions in a plant its ingredients were manufactured in. However, the drug company’s annual multi-million dollar advertising campaigns continue to overshadow these revelations and make its drugs the most popular form of contraception on the market for young women today.

Although this pharmaceutical manufacturer’s lack of corporate integrity is disturbing, the severe physical consequence of these drugs is even more striking. Oral contraceptives are hormone-altering pills and can actually lead to permanent side effects, like the possibility of infertility. Originally introduced in the 1960’s, evidence today links the use of these drugs with the rise of cancer seen in U.S. women.

In fact, the growing number of complaints against oral contraceptives, exemplified by pending Yaz lawsuits, indicates that the short-term safety of such birth control options is far from certain as well. Users of this particular product have seen serious, and sometimes fatal, side effects including heart attack, stroke, blood clots, pulmonary embolisms and gallbladder disease. However, because schools refuse to recognize anything but abstinence as a legitimate lifestyle, these facts are rarely discussed with teens.

A dangerous lack of information regarding birth control and adoption are the major limitations of sexual awareness in American youth today. Although sexual promiscuity and dangerous forms of contraception are perfectly acceptable and heavily endorsed in the media, the dignified, responsible act of adoption continues to have a strong stigma attached to it. However, like many social solutions, healthy answers to unplanned pregnancy will only occur if teens are empowered with actual information about adoption, birth control and abortion.