Sunday, November 21, 2010

Today's the Day

Today is National Adoption Awareness Day!

Nov. 20
Support your local adoption community by attending a ceremony. Now I have no clue what was done around my community for it, I'm going to go out on a limb and say absolutely nothing...and it's pretty sad that I didn't go looking for something, but to be honest, I slept til well after 1pm today...and I have not done any research to see what is going on in the community about adoption, I haven't looked for support groups, I've thought about it plenty, but I'm not sure if I want to put myself out there. It is no secret that I am a birth mom, but I am scared.

I know people judge me for it, and I know people think badly about my decision, they say rude things about me behind my back, and to others who know me. They've spread rumors and talked completely and utter CRAP about my situation and how I could ever do something like that. They don't care why I did it, they want to think badly of me for it, and so there really is no reason to tell them my reasoning. They're going to skew it into me being a selfish, unloving, uncaring person who just didn't want a child. I've seen it, I've heard it. People don't think that the stuff will get back to me, but it has. And it HURTS. I'm a very loving and caring person, and I do want children. And I never once thought about myself when I was making my adoption plan. It was all about how my child would be better off without me. It wasn't until after I had already made my mind up that I realized what this meant for me, in terms of making something for myself. And I never thought of my adoption plan as temporary, something I'd try to reverse once I found someone and got married. I was not looking to get married when I met my husband, marriage was the farthest thing from my mind, I was looking to go back to school, finish my degree, teach and then hopefully somewhere down the road get married. It just so happened I met my husband when my son was 2 months old and started dating him when he was only 3 months. By the time my husband and I got married it was far to late to change my mind about the adoption, there was no turning back on that. And anyone who knows something about adoption knows that it is very hard to get an adoption turned around. It would have cost a lot of money, taken a lot of time, and in the end, would have ended up being a completely and utter waste of time, money and energy. See, we did things by Georgia law, which allowed me to sign the papers in the hospital, and gave me 10 days to change my mind(quite a few states have this grace period.) After the 10 days you CANNOT withdraw your surrender.
(While looking to see which law we used, I found this to be quite interesting, it's from, and it's about when consent to adopt can take place....
"Only two States (Alabama and Hawaii) allow the birth mother to consent before the birth of her child; however, the decision to consent must be reaffirmed after the child's birth."
Anyways, it made me giggle that people were saying I was going to try and get my son back now that I was married, they clearly don't know anything about adoption and how it works. I just don't get how people can be so uneducated about things. It's not like my son is in any harm or danger living with his parents, he's thriving and doing really well, so trying to get him back wouldn't be in his best interest, and would not only hurt him, but his family, and I could never do that to him or his family. Not to mention it wouldn't be fair to my husband, to ask him to raise a child that isn't his. Even though I know that if I had kept my son, and met my husband he would have done so willingly. And not that I think it is wrong to do that. I know many people who had children before they met their significant other and the s/o welcomed their children with open arms. Even being a better parent then the child's birth parent. So I know it can work. But this isn't what was meant to happen, I feel very strongly that I am living the life I was meant to live, and my son is living the life he was meant to live.

Even though I knew very early in my pregnancy that my son was meant for another family doesn't mean he is any less my son. But I just wasn't meant to raise him. And I am meant to raise children with my husband, our children. And I pray that one day I will get to raise children with him, because he will make the best father. If we have a girl he will be so tightly wrapped around her finger it isn't funny, same goes for any boys we have.