My name is Amanda, I'm a newlywed Army Wife. We recently moved to South Carolina from Hawaii. Before we met I had a son that I placed for adoption with friends who could not have any more children. We have a semi-open adoption. I hope to help other girls who have been in my situation get through it and make the best decision for her and her baby.
I needed something new, especially with the new year around the corner, and with his 3rd birthday behind us, I thought now would be a good time to revamp.
I got Brea to do my other blog last month, and I just loved it so much I wanted one done for this blog! She just posted about my design, and had really made me feel special. She was so much fun to work with the first time, and I feel as if I’ve gotten to know her in the last 2 months! She was willing to work with me, and wasn’t too upset when I was pushing this design back and back and back because of my trip to the mainland, I felt real bad about it. But she was so understanding, besides, she had her own Christmas stuff going on. I think it worked out rather perfectly really!!
I gave her pretty much complete artistic reign. She gave me a few options, and I told her which ones I liked, and what I wanted included. I think she did a great job. I’m very much in love with this design. Maybe even more than the other one she did!!!
It’s hard to believe that I went to bed 3 years ago with my son with me, and then woke up to go deliver him, and give him to his adoptive family.
That was a rough night, I was anxious about everything, but I was so ready to be done with the pregnancy, that I don’t think it really sunk in as to what I was really doing.
I knew I was going to go through with it, I never once questioned that. I didn’t necessarily want to give him to the adoptive family, but I knew that keeping him was not what was best for him, or myself.
The first few nights after the birth and placement were pretty rough. It didn’t dawn on me until after how much of an impact this had all taken on me, or would have taken on me. And it hit like a ton of bricks.
You know how people who have gone through a loss, especially an infant loss (or adoption), say that they wake up thinking they heard a baby? That didn’t really happen to me, it was more of an emptiness. I’d wake up feeling empty. My arms felt empty, my womb felt empty. I’d find myself rocking myself to sleep. Crying until I could no longer cry.
I’m just so glad that I’m not there, at that point any more. I miss him like crazy, and I think of him EVERY DAY! But I’m happy with my decision, and my life. I really wouldn’t want to change a thing. And I think that says a lot about where I’m at.
So happy birthday son. I love you and miss you so much!
So I had my other blog redone, by Brea @ Utterly Chaotic Designs, and she did such a great job, so I thought I’d get her to make me one for this blog! :)
Now onto more pressing matters, I’m sick, started w/ a sore throat yesterday morning, turned into both ears hurting after a 6 hour nap, yes, that’s right folks, 6 hours. And today it was no better, so I went to the Dr. It’s just a viral infection, and they gave me 2 cough medicines, but nothing else. Kind of sucks being sick with your husband being so far away. But I have great friends, so if I need anything I can just ask. I’m so blessed!!
Whoops, I forgot that yesterday was National Adoption Day, I was just so busy yesterday…I didn’t even get on the computer…
Every day to me is adoption day, honestly there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about adoption and how it’s affected my life and my son’s.
It’s such a blessing, for all sides of the triad. It gives hope to all sides.
It gives hope to the birthmother who doesn’t know how she’s going to raise a child alone, or who just doesn’t want to raise a child. It gives hope to the adoptive parents, who have probably been through hell and back to try and have kids of their own, and who have probably done countless tries of IVF and who have might have been waiting for a child through adoption for years, and then one sweet day, they finally get their miracle. It’s hope for the children of adoption, they’re given a better life. And that is something to celebrate…
So I haven’t done much on my 101 in 1001, but I did do this - Make a wish at 11:11 on November 11, 2011!
I posted it the other day, the picture of hubby and me, my wish is for my hubby to come home safely. It’s really the only thing that matters to me at the moment. His safety and his home coming!
I guess I should have explained it better when I said that I put on a good front. I don’t necessarily feel like it’s a front, but more that when I’m around other people I don’t feel sad, or get depressed. I’m not lonely. I prefer to be around people. But I know that I can’t be around people all the time. And so I’m working on not feeling so lonely when I am alone.
Thanks again to those who help me so much! Ya’ll are the best!!!
I feel myself sinking…slowing drifting into depression. Into the darkness.
This holiday season is fast approaching, and with that comes the 3rd birthday of my son, and the emptiness that I sometimes feel when it comes to him. It’s just not natural to carry a child for 9 months and give birth to a baby, and then proceed to go home empty handed and spend the rest of your life without them. I remember the first few weeks, luckily I never woke up in a panic thinking I heard him or afraid I’d miss a feeding. But I did feel empty, my arms felt empty. I’d rock myself to sleep, instead of an infant, because it felt so weird to be going to bed without him. I would cry myself to sleep, begging God to bring him back. Knowing that he was better off with his new family, and that I’d be better in time. Knowing that I did what was best for everyone involved. I gave the best gift to a family who could no longer have children, and I gave the best gift to my son - a mother, father and brother, 2 of those things I couldn’t give him, well, the brother part is something I could have eventually, but the dad part, sure I could have met someone to take the roll, but that void would have still been there, and he deserved to have a father, a loving father, a Godly father. He will always know how much he is loved, and wanted.
But another reason I’m starting to feel a little depressed is because this will be the 1st Christmas without my husband home. It won’t be our first Thanksgiving apart, we spent our first Thanksgiving apart, and granted the circumstances are totally different, as he was in Hawaii and I was still home, it still stunk. But at least we got to spend last Thanksgiving and Christmas together. I’m going home to the mainland for Christmas. I’m not too excited about the traveling, but I’m looking forward to seeing friends and family. But it’s not going to be the same. By all accounts we’re lucky to have spent 2 Christmases in a row together, but it doesn’t make the fact that we’re not together any easier. And I just feel so bad for him, because he’s all alone, and I’ll be with friends and family…
I put on a good front for people, on the outside I look great, but inside, I’m slowly creeping inside myself. I know I have friends who won’t let that happen, and I’m so incredibly lucky.
So, to my friends and family, thanks in advanced. I love ya’ll more than anything!
Have ya’ll watched Awkward.? It’s that new MTV show.
My friends think I’m like Sadie, “every high school has one: the rich, popular bitch. But unlike every other mean girl stereotype, Sadie's got some cushion for the pushin'... which means there's more to love -- or in her case, hate.”
Now, before you think, gosh how horrible, they think you’re fat like her, that’s not it at all…they just think I sound like her when I say some things.
I try not to be as mean, but sometimes it comes out way wrong. And I don’t think they think I’m mean, it’s just mannerisms and what have you.
Let me know if you agree with them…
I’d think I’d be more like Jenna, since I blog, but I’m such a horrible blogger, who knows…
I know I know, I’m 3 days late…but we all know what a horrible blogger I am…
I am going to try and do some blog post for Adoption Awareness Month. But again, we all know how bad I am at this…
I do know that I have some stuff I want to talk about. So I guess I’ll just start…Oh and if you have something you’d like me to talk about, just let me know!
A couple weeks ago I was in therapy, I’m down to just once a month with her and every 3 months w/ my psychiatrist.
My therapy sessions have become mostly a social visit, and if there is something bugging me, or something I want to talk about we’ll touch on it, but it’s mostly just us talking about anything and everything.
She did ask me last time if I thought of my son often.
The short answer is yes, every single day..
The long answer is yes, but not like I use to. It’s no longer a deeply sad thing. It can be from time to time, and as I’m sitting here writing this it is, but as I told my therapist, I give myself a time limit.
I learned that technique in the hospital, allow yourself to grieve or cry or think for a set amount of time, and then when that time is over, move on. It might not work for everyone, but it helps me. And I found myself not needing to set a time limit any more.
I think about him daily, he’s always on my heart. I miss him. But I know that he’s happy, healthy, safe, and doing well, and that makes me happy.
I also thought I’d link to my Adoption Story, it’s 2 parts… Part 1 Part 2
I was going through my reading list on blogger, and I saw my picture, I was like, uh, what, and then I remembered that a few months ago, Monika from BirthMom Buds Blog contacted me to be the spotlight blogger! And she told me that it would run on Oct 14, which is today, and I forgot, even though I knew it would happen, I just forgot…so go here and check it out, it’s just another little part of my story and journey as a birthmom.
Rules for 5QF: Copy and paste the following questions to your blog post. Answer them, then watch for the linky post to appear tomorrow morning! Remember that this post is NOT the post with the linky list on it...that is tomorrow!
Oh, and remember to have fun!!!
Also, feel free to play along on Twitter! We've had some people do that in the past couple of weeks and it's a fun, different way to answer the questions! Questions for Friday, October 7th: (Special thanks to @tarabuzz, @signingcharity,@gasfamily, @trooppetrie, and Sandy for their question suggestions! I would LOVE to link YOU in a future 5QF, so c'mon over to my community and offer up your best question suggestions! Or watch for my Twitter shout out on Thursdays, and offer up your questions that way! Don't forget to @5crookedhalos me and use hashtag #5QF if you go the Twitter route!)
1. What is your go to comfort food or sweet?
Comfort food – that’d be Ice cream. Ben & Jerry’s Cookie Dough is always a good one, and any mint chocolate chip is good too, or a good chocolate….
2. What is the most romantic place you've ever been to?
Ohau & Maui
3. What is your favorite thing about fall/Halloween?
My anniversary…and the fall colors, and foods…
4. How would you spend 24 hours alone?
Oh I get 24 hours to myself ALL the time now that my husband is deployed, even though I rarely ever spend 24 hours straight alone. But I usually watch stuff on my dvr, play around on FB, play the Sims 3, eat whenever and whatever I want. Go where ever I want, whenever I want. It’s quite amazing…
5. Does you husband bring you flowers? Are you the bring-me-flowers type of girl?
He has only done it twice, to date. Once when we were dating, and then recently to “celebrate” making it half way through this deployment. And I love flowers, so I think I am the bring-me-flowers type…
"A Birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart" - Skye Hardwick
This quote is from Birthmom Buds and it is just something that is so true.
I’ve always wanted to be a mother, I really feel like God wants me to be a mother, to raise children. But I know that the timing was off. I knew that what I had to offer a child at the time was not going to give my son everything he NEEDED, not so much what he wants, but what he needs. Sure I could have given him those things, but at what cost. Welfare and WIC and Foodstamps, crappy healthcare and even crappier childcare. Now, I’m not knocking those things, because I know that they’re needed, but those are temporary solutions to your problems, they’re not something that should be used long term. At least, in my opinion. I was on WIC when I was pregnant, so I’m really NOT against these programs. But I was only on it while I was pregnant, and then never went back on it. I was also drawing unemployment at one point, but that is temporary as well.
My son now has a roof, food, clothes, and two loving parents, and an awesome big brother. All of which I couldn’t really provide. Sure I had a roof and food and clothes, but what kind of childhood would he have had if I had raised him. He wouldn’t have known his father, as he didn’t want anything to do with him, and quite honestly, I wouldn’t force the guy to even pay child support, let alone force him to see the kid he didn’t want anything to do with.
It didn’t seem like a healthy choice for my son, battling it out in court with a guy who wanted nothing to do with him, and forcing this guy to pay for a child he wanted nothing to do with. I just can’t imagine the negative effects that would have had on him later in life.
I’m sure my son will have problems later in life, issues with the adoption, but I’d hope he’d realize that what I did, I did for him, and to give him a better life. And as much crap as I give the birthfather, I do hope that one day he comes around and realizes that this amazing little boy is his son, and will want to know him.
And I hope my son can see that I really did put his needs over my wants, because I really still feel like I did, to this day. I have no regrets about giving him a better life. And in turn, I gave myself a better life as well.
I took a suicide prevention class last night. It was something they really wanted all the key callers to take. And I’m glad I took it, but it was SO hard to sit through, and it brought up so many memories and feelings, that I had to step out, and when I came back in I was like, I’m sorry, this is just too hard, and it is bringing up memories, and started crying. Nobody in that room knew my story. And I wanted to share, but I didn’t want to share either.
I can’t remember if I’ve told this part of my story here. I know I brought it up to a fellow birth mom blogger. She’s going through her own stuff, with the adoption, because it is way more recent than my adoption, and I really want to help. So I think last night it made it clear I needed to share this part of my story, again, if I already have.
So I’ve dealt with depression for years, been on and off anti-depressants and seeing a therapist and psychiatrist since I was a teenager. When I got pregnant I was off my meds, and out of therapy. I shouldn’t have been, but I was. But when I found out I was pregnant, and started to think about the adoption plan aspect, I knew I needed to get in to see my therapist pronto. So I spent the whole 9 months in therapy, I wasn’t on any medication, I honestly didn’t need it, and I didn’t want to subject that baby to that. But I knew that the minute he was born, I’d need something, I’d need help.
As soon as it was safe, they added anxiety meds to my IV, and I think even that night in the hospital I started Prozac.
When I got home, I went back to therapy and started taking medication regularly. But about a month after his birth, I hit rock bottom. I didn’t know how I was going to go on with my life. I didn’t want to go on with my life. So my therapist and psychiatrist put me on suicide watch for a weekend, and when that didn’t really help, they told me I needed to check myself into the mental hospital. As scary as that was for me, it was really the best thing for me. We got my medication fixed and I got coping skills. I spent maybe a week, but then I had to spend a few weeks doing intensive outpatient, and that also helped, gave me more coping skills, group therapy was also a part of the IOP. It helped, to focus on other’s problems, give them input, it helped to get their input.
I know I took some of my friends for granted during that time. And I really didn’t realize it until it was too late. I have a way of laughing about problems, or staying busy so I can’t think of what’s going on. I came off as faking and making light of what I was going through. But that was just my defense mechanism. I wish I could tell them I’m sorry. I wish they knew that I account them for a large majority of why I survived. I’d like to think they know. That some how they have always known.
I’m doing so much better than I was almost 3 years ago. Sure I’m still on medication, and sure I still see a psychiatrist and therapist, but I have a better outlook on life. And I’m dealing with things in a healthy way.
I officially suck at blogging. I mean, hell, it’s almost been 2 months…
Not much is going on here, I’m super busy working and hanging out with friends. It sure does make the time go by so much faster.
I’m actually off work for a week or two, they’re on the mainland. So I’m catching up on sleep, and chores. But mostly sleep. I’ll try to catch up on blogging too.
Saturday will be 6 months down, 6 months to go in the deployment front. And the hubby sent me these wonderfully beautiful flowers to “celebrate” making it halfway through the deployment.
I’ve been thinking about the baby a lot lately too. But seeing as he’ll be 3 in a few months, he’s not so much a baby anymore is he…it’s so hard to imagine that it’ll be 3 years in December. I mean, it really doesn’t feel like it’s been that long.
I still miss him a lot, and I’m sure I will miss him for the rest of my life. Which I’m sure some people just don’t understand, because I don’t understand…I don’t know how I can miss him when I never really knew him or had him, you know. So it doesn’t make much sense that I miss him. But I guess, that’s just the miracle of childbirth, you carry this thing around with you for 9 months, and even though you try like hell not to get attached, you end up attached.
Day 23 — Write a letter to: The last person you kissed
Well, if you mean romantically, then that’d be my husband, but in general, that’d be the precious little girl I baby sit from time to time…and since I’ve written to the husband a lot with this challenge, I think I’ll write to a 5 month old, LOL!
LK – You are such a joy to watch, and you always make me smile. I never thought I’d be able to love another little girl as much as my sister, S, and niece, KG, but you prove me wrong with every second I spend with you. I’m completely in love with you and love watching you grow. You change almost every time I see you. I just know you’re going to be the most beautiful little girl ever!
Tell me: A song that you want to play at your wedding
What I walked down the aisle too - Bella's Lullaby from Twilight
First Dance - Amanda by Boston
Daddy/Daughter - Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison
Mom/Son - Hero by Mariah Carey
I want to know: How much you love yourself. Write a love letter to yourself.
This is hard, because I honestly am not in love with myself. I mean, I’m happier with myself now than I have been in years, but I’m still working on me, and I can’t get past the whole being over weight thing. I look at myself in the mirror and I’m disgusted. Utterly grossed out…
But, I do love that I’m loyal, trustworthy, friendly, loving, and I love that I have so many great friends, who are going to tell me that I’m not ugly or gross. I like that about my friends, they tell me I’m dumb, and stupid for even thinking those things…a part of me wants to just delete this whole section because I know a lot of people are going to say that it is untrue, but it’s how I feel and it’s what I see.
Tell me 15 facts about you.
I’m an Army Wife
I love children
I’m currently going through a deployment
My husband was just home for R&R
I love living in Hawaii
I love the island of Maui
I’m a Birth mom
I like the ocean, but hate rough waves and sand getting everywhere
I have some guilty pleasure shows – Jersey Shore is one of them
I’m addicted to Scentsy scents
No matter how much sunscreen, or what spf, I will burn if I’m in the sun for long amounts of time
I can’t drink red wine because it gives me a migraine, but that’s okay because I like white wines better
Cranberry Juice and Vodka is pretty good, but Cranberry and Malibu is better
I love my friends more than anything
I have never met my best friend in person, but I love her like a sister
Welcome to 5QF, new and old! I hope you will enjoy yourself...I have found the 5QF is my "get out of jail free" card for blogging. A post that is fun and easy to do!
Rules for 5QF: Copy and paste the following questions to your blog post, answer them, then watch for the linky post to appear on Friday morning!
Questions for Friday, July 29th: (Special thanks to @katieb38, @ByGollyMsHolly,@MarandaLamping, Sandy, and Pam for their question suggestions! Wanna be linked in a future Five Question Friday? Well, c'mon over to my community or watch for my Twitter shout out on Thursday mornings and offer up your best question suggestions! Remember to@5crookedhalos me using hashtag #5QF if you go the Twitter route!)
1. Vow renewal ceremonies-yay or nay?
YAY! I would love to do one on the beach in Hawaii before we leave, just me and him!
2. What sound/s annoy you the most?
Whining children, it’s quite the pet peeve…
3. If you had to pick, would you have only all boys, or only all girls for kids?
Oh gosh, I don’t know…I don’t think I’d want to choice. I would like one of each…BUT if I had to choice probably boys, because I remember what I was like a teenager, and it was NOT pretty…
4. Do you believe in alternative medicine?
Yes, I do. Sometimes conventional medicine just doesn’t cut it…and sometimes, you don’t need a pill or other form of medication to help with an issues.
5. Would you take a family member's children and raise them if they needed it?
I think that would fully depend on who the person was, who the child was, and what our situation was at the time. And if that answer doesn’t sit well with you, then I’m sorry. But I’m not going to agree to raise someone else’s child if I’m not in a situation that I can do it. It wouldn’t be fair to the child, the family member, or my family. That being said, if it were someone I was really close to, and the child liked us, and we were in a situation where we could take care of them, then YES, in a heartbeat.
ten. Favorite Places to be. 1. Anywhere with the husband 2. Sleeping 3. At home 4. With friends 5. Starbucks 6. Maui 7. The sofa 8. Computer chair 9. Neighbor's house 10. With loved ones
nine. Weird things about me 1. I don't like when my volume on the tv, radio, computer is an odd number, but I'm okay with it ending in a 5... 2. I love to plays Sims 3 3. I'm addicted to Facebook, and I'm pretty good at stalking 4. I can't wait to have children, but I'm in no rush 5. I have an addiction to nail polish and Scentsy scent bars 6. I try not to judge people - everyone has done things they're not proud of, and who am I to make a judgment about you, when I'm not perfect... 7. I love to dance, but I'm not good at it at all... 8. I will never eat another gummy bear in my life 9. My very best friend and I have never met in person, but we are closer than some of my family members...
eight. Things I am going to do this summer 1. Go to Maui 2. Stay in Waikiki 3. R&R 4. Work 5. Go to Vegas 6. Walk 7. Tan 8. Take hubby back to airport :(
seven. Things I am thinking of. 1. My husband 2. Son 3. Babies 4. Family 5. Friends 6. Food (I'm hungry) 7. Sleep (didn't sleep well)
six. Things I am wearing. 1. Old Navy Capris 2. Wal Mart Shirt 3. Silly Bandz (Hello Kitty, Tinkerbell) 4. Slippah's (flip flops) 5. Wedding ring 6. Birthstone ring
five. Things I am worried about 1. Hubby leaving 2. Money 3. Flying to Maui 4. Deployment 5. ???
four. Things on my floor 1. Clothes 2. Drinks 3. Shoes 4. Laundry Baskets
three. Things I want to do today 1. Play Sims 2. Cuddle 3. Sleep
two. Things I will reveal 1. We are not trying to get pregnant, but we're not preventing it. 2. I love having my husband home for R&R but a part of me can't wait for him to go back so we can get this deployment over with.
one. A Secret Well, hmm, I was planning on coming home in August, but I just don't think I'm going to be able to afford it. So instead, for Labor day I might meet up with a friend in Vegas.
Go here to link up…
July 15 - How did you share to your husband and families you were pregnant? (In my case, the baby daddy (or sperm donor as I like to call him), not husband)
So, I told the sperm donor first, over the phone…since he had a girlfriend, I didn’t want to text him, as that wouldn’t be cool if she got the text and not him. I didn’t want to rat him out, as it wasn’t my place. He was adamant that it wasn’t his, and that he couldn’t have gotten me pregnant, because a gay friend wanted him to be the sperm donor and they couldn’t use his sperm because of a low sperm count. Which doesn’t mean much, it was low, not zero. He pretty much wanted nothing to do with me, or the baby. And he didn’t want his girlfriend to find out. So we didn’t talk but a few times over the course of the pregnancy, and have only talked once or twice since his birth, and the last time I heard from him was almost 3 years ago. Which is fine by me.
I told my father before my mom, and it was while I was making pasta…I had no idea how to tell him, so I just blurted it out. His first words were “I already knew” and then he asked my plans for the baby and that I should think of adoption. He was super supportive of me, and helpful. His girlfriend at the time was also very supportive and wonderful.
Now, I told my mom after I had already decided that adoption was the way I was going to go. And she wasn’t very thrilled with the idea. She wanted to raise him, and as much as I would have loved to have him in my life. I just knew that it wasn’t what was best for him. I think she sees now that what I did was for the best, and that things worked out how they were suppose to.
I told my dad’s parents over the phone, after I decided on adoption, and because I knew they wouldn’t judge me or be upset with me. I mean, I’m sure they were upset by it, but I knew they wouldn’t hold it against me. I did not tell my mom’s parents, and up to this point, I don’t think they know. I had just dropped out of college, and I felt like I had let them down so much, and I had done that before, so I couldn’t bare upsetting them and disappointing them again. It was and still is very hard to keep that from them. But I think it was for the best.
I emailed the couple I had in mind for the adoption, and asked them to pray about adopting him. They ended up feeling that he wasn’t their child, and actually mentioned the family that ended up adopting him. Not only did they mention them, but another friend brought it up. AND on top of that, I had been thinking about them as well. They had just gone through some things, and were unable to have any more children, and I had known they were wanting to adopt, their plan was 2 biological children and then adopting. It just so happens God has different plans for them. We emailed back and forth while I was pregnant, and they ended up asking for my number, and calling and asking me if they could pray about it. So they did, and ended up adopting him. It’s amazing how God works things out.
I tried to keep the pregnancy quiet on Facebook. But people found out, and that’s fine. I ended up telling some people, other people decided to take it upon themselves to tell others. And that to me, is just hurtful. Why would you tell someone else’s story, that wasn’t yours to tell. I never confronted them. I never really brought that up before. Anyways, I’m not quite sure why I didn’t want it all over Facebook, mostly because I was embarrassed. I was ashamed that as an educated, 23 year old, I got myself in this situation. I know I shouldn’t have been ashamed or embarrassed. But I think everyone goes through that.
Eventually, I put it out there that I had a child, and placed him for adoption. I can’t remember how I did it. But it just came out. And I’m glad it did. I hope it helps someone else in my situation to make the decision to place their child, if that’s what’s best for the child. I love hooking up with people who have gone through what I’ve gone through, and I’m just hoping to help 1 person.
It wasn't my 1st birthday without the hubby, he missed the first birthday I had while dating. It was in 09, I turned 24, and he left for Oklahoma a few short days before. And now, here we are 2 years later, except he's in Afghanistan.
It was a weird day yesterday. I had an off day, kept messing things up, forgetting things, and just not having things go my way.
Until dinner and even there I almost left my debit card at the restaurant. 15 of us got together for dinner at the Outback Steakhouse. It was AMAZING!!! New friends were there and old friends, and a few of my favorite children. Plus a huge chocolate cake from Costco. Which I think there should be some law against buying your own bday cake LOL
I got my nails done and then went to the mall and got my hair done, and my free bday drink from Starbucks!
When I got home from dinner I got on fb and the hubby was on and I got to Skype with him. It made my bday so much better. I hadn't heard from him all day and I was getting a little annoyed and anxious.
I got some really awesome gifts, which I was not expecting and that made my day! I will post some pictures when I get them.
I also met my great grand sis mom, in my sorority we had sis moms, not big sis/lil sis, its hard to explain. But Merce was my sis mom, MiMi was her's, and then Kathy was her's. And I met Kathy last night. She just moved to Hawaii. She had graduated the semester before I pledged, so we missed one another.
I am so blessed to have so many wonderful friends!
I got a few pictures in my email, as part of my update. They're from his bday party in December. He's so big, I can't even imagine how big he is now...I'm sure even bigger then the Dec pictures.
He looks happy. And that makes me happy. It makes my decision easier to cope with. Not that he might be unhappy had I kept him. But just that it helps solidify that I did what was best. I'm looking forward to more pictures and a letter. Ya'll just don't know how much these things mean to me...
So I haven't gotten an update yet, but I did hear from the adoptive mom, and one is on its way. She is going to email Christmas and birthday pictures and then snail mail the other pictures and a letter. Some things came up and that's why its been a while. She sent me a fb message, it was definitely a surprise, a good one. So my waiting is going to pay off...
So, I always tell my father and grandfather’s Happy Father’s Day, but for the most part, Father’s day for me is just any other day. I think if the sperm donor had been better to me, I might feel differently, but since he was such a jerk, and never really ever took responsibility for our son, I just don’t care for the day. And I don’t think I ever will until my husband and I have children of our own.
Someone at one of the adoption/birthmom blogs I follow mentioned doing a birthfather’s day, like there is birthmom’s day, but for me, I don’t feel like they deserve a day. I know there are birthfather’s out there who are great guys, and who helped the birthmom out, but since that wasn’t my experience, I have no reason to want to celebrate them. I’m sure this isn’t going to be a popular outlook on it, but it’s my personal feelings, and my personal opinion, and I think I’m justified in feeling this way because of the experience I had. And if you don’t like it, then just keep your mouth shut, we can just agree to disagree.
The adoptive father has done more for him in the 2 1/2 years then the sperm donor could have ever done in 18+ years. It’s sad to think about it, it’s upsetting and frustrating, and it pisses me off.
It’s not fair that he just moved on with his life, acted as if this never happened. I’m sure if you asked him if he had kids he’d say no. But here I am taking on the sperm donor’s responsibility and going on with my life the best way I know how. And trying so hard not to allow my personal feelings for this guy influence how my son will feel about him.
I don’t know what the sperm donor is doing these days, and for all we know in 10 years he could be married and a wonderful father. But for now, he’s just a dead beat sperm donor who doesn’t even deserve a blog post about him, but yet, here I am…
And if anyone has a problem with me calling him sperm donor, read above, keep your mouth shut, we can just agree to disagree.
Day 21 — Write a letter to: Someone you judged by their first impression
So, I’ll write it to someone who I judged poorly, and was proved OH SO WRONG…
I’m so sorry I judged you, and I know now that I was sooo wrong about you. I’ve come to appreciate you and adore you. You’re awesome, and I hate that I was so wrong, but I was, and I’m sorry.
Tell me: A song that you listen to when you’re happy
Show me A photo of something that makes you happy.
Day 22 — Write a letter to: Someone you want to give a second chance to
Tell me: A song that you listen to when you’re sad
I know I’ve posted this song before, but it usually always cheers me up when I’m sad, and it is our song, since our relationship has almost always been long distance, it’s fitting, and especially now that he’s 7000+ miles away…
I want to know: Your deepest fear.
Right now, losing my husband while he’s deployed.
In general, rejection, being alone…
Write A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
I can’t believe you would do that, I can’t believe you would stoop so low. That’s a low blow, really. Please start taking responsibility for your actions in things, and stop blaming others for what is wrong in your life. I have done nothing to you to make you feel that way, and I can’t believe you would even go there. And you wonder why people don’t talk to you much or often, it’s because it’s unpleasant, and it’s never about the other person, always about you, and what you feel people are doing wrong, when it’s you who is in the wrong…
I’m hosting an online party, I wasn’t going to post it on here, but I’m so close to my goal, so I figured why not.
Head over here, and click on my name, order from the party, you want to direct ship, or else it will ship to me, and then I’d have to send it to you, which I would do, but that can get expensive.
I'm still waiting for an update. But I think I'm okay with that. At least in this moment I am. And we all know how things, emotions, can change on a dime.
I usually don't talk about the Army Wife side of my life on this site since I have a blog just for it, but I'm going to talk about it today...because the emotions are the same as with the adoption, in that they change on a dime.
I went to a welcome home ceremony last night, 2 of my neighbors just got home. It was bittersweet. I almost cried as they were coming in from the busses, but I was able to get it together. I cannot wait for it to me waiting for my husband to come in from the busses.
We are 1/6th of the way thru this deployment. I think I like thinking of it in fractions. It makes it seem less daunting. And it makes it seem like its moving faster than say using percentages.
Anyways. I think I'm off to bed. I didn't get to sleep til 3am, and woke up at 9am...
I plan on sleeping in tomorrow.
Oh and I don't think I will ever use the computer to update my blog now that I have the Blogger app on my phone lol!!!
I'm not sure what is going on, but I keep checking the mail daily for an update. I got the last one in November, so if I've done the math right, its been 7 months.
He's 2 1/2, so I thought it was still every 6 months. There was nothing in the last update to make me think they weren't going to send one in 6 months. I know things happen and they are probably busy. But even if you're busy, you could sit down and write a few sentences saying, hey sorry things are busy, we don't know when but we will send some pictures.
I mean, I know I didn't send an update until Jan, but I wanted to get pictures and stuff put together, and I was kind of hoping for a short update after his birthday and Christmas. But I don't have a schedule to keep on. I didn't say I'd update on me, you're the ones who wanted something, and I obliged. I don't think I've over done updates, I send them after you send one. I send mothers day cards, and you don't send me one, I just don't understand. I honestly don't think I over stepped any boundaries, and I would think that since we are all adults they would let me know if I have. I wouldn't think they'd just stop updates altogether. I know its still early June. But its been 7 months...maybe they're waiting for my birthday...but why? That'll be 8 months by then.
I know I worry every time it comes time to get an update, but I've never had to wait this long. And I do feel bad, I know they don't owe me anything, but I don't feel like its too much to ask that they keep their word. And I never thought they'd be the type of people too go back on their word.
But then again, they've done some things I didn't think they ever would....(that's another issue for another day)
There are things I want to blog about. Things I want to say. But I can't. It would not go over well with anyone. But man, I could use an outlet. The end.
Day 20 — Write a letter to: The one that broke your heart the hardest
I really don’t know who this is, but that’s a good thing. That means I’ve healed, and that whatever happened only made me stronger. I’m sure at the time I thought my life was over. But replaying things in my head from my past has shown me how really messed up things were, and how great things have turned out. I’m so grateful to those who have told me no, broken my heart, and just left me high and dry. I know that sounds silly, but I wouldn’t be where I am today if those things had not have happened.
Tell me: A song that you listen to when you’re angry
I want to know: A hobby of yours.
I scrapbook, I haven’t in a while, I have a ton of pictures to scrapbook. I like to sew and color, and I love writing letters.
I want to know The meaning behind your blog name.
Life After Placing – it’s just that, a blog about my life, after placing my son for adoption. I thought it was a suitable name, that could grow with me, as I evolve. And it has really worked well for me. I didn’t know what life was going to hold for me after the placement. It was so bleak and dark and I felt so alone. But as time went on, I started healing, and growing, and then I met my husband, and it just seemed like things were looking up. But I could still blog under the name “Life After Placing” because my marriage was a next chapter in my life, after my son. So that is the story behind my blog name. I haven’t changed it since I started the blog back in Feb. of 2009.
Day 19 — Write a letter to: Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad [sorry it’s kind of long, lol]
Those woman who spew their vile about how all adoptions are negative, and all adoptions are forced, and nobody would ever make that decision on their own.
**NEWS FLASH**
I made that decision, I was not forced, nobody held a gun to my head and told me to give my baby up or die, just like nobody held a gun to your head. I knew that at the time, I could not take care of myself, and I knew that taking care of a baby was a million times harder than taking care of yourself, so I didn’t want to put my child through that. I knew he’d be much better cared for by someone who was in a stable relationship, had a stable job, and who could give him all the things he’d need, not necessarily the things he wanted, but needed, because I knew I couldn’t possibly give him every thing he needed with the job I had, and the debts I had. A child needs way more than love and affection, they need food, clothes, a roof over their head, health insurance, and those are the things I could not afford to give him. I knew that there were people out there who could provide those things, and I knew that the best thing for him was to let him go. So, no,I wasn’t forced into anything, and I decided that it was best for him.
That’s not to say that adoption wasn’t different years and years ago. It has come a long way in recent years, I do believe that these woman who spew this vile about how all adoptions are negative where the woman who were sent away to homes and were forced into the adoption. But just because you had a negative experience doesn’t mean you can throw up all over our positive experiences, and demean us, and make us feel like dirt, just because you didn’t have the same experience.
And I’m talking more specifically about a group on Facebook that was created to help support those who have gone through the adoption process, and it’s there to help them heal, and make them realize they’re not alone in their feelings, and someone spewing nasty things about adoption on there is not helping anyone, and it certainly isn’t helping the ones spewing that crap. And putting your negative comments on something that is suppose to be a positive event, like Birth Mother’s Day, is like talking shit about a Christian holiday when you’re Jewish, or a Jewish holiday when you’re Christian, or any other religious holiday when you don’t follow those beliefs. If you don’t agree with Birth Mother’s Day then fine, make your own event about anti-Birth Mother’s Day, but stay away from the positive events that are created to help those who want to be called Birth Mother’s celebrate the positive thing they did with their life.
Tell me: A song from your favorite album
Dear John by Taylor Swift on Speak Now – it’s my newest favorite album…
I want to know: A talent of yours.
I can sing, and play the piano a little. I love to sing, I don’t do it any more professionally but I do it for fun in the car or around the house. I was in a choir from 5th grade til 12th grade, where I got to visit Europe 3 times and some other neat places, and off an on in college for a few years, and I sang in the church choir as a child.
I want to see Another picture of yourself.
a picture of myself I posted on my
husband’s facebook wall, lol
Rules for Five Question Friday (strictly enforced with a wet noodle): Copy and paste the following questions to your blog post, answer them, then watch for the linky to appear on Friday morning and LINK UP!
Most of all, remember to...HAVE FUN!!
Questions for Friday, May 27th: (Special thanks to @msargirl, Christine, Kim, Pam, and Melis for their question suggestions! I would LOVE to link you in a future 5QF, just c'mon over to my community and offer up your best question suggestions! Also, watch for my weekly Twitter "shout out" for questions! Just use hashtag #5QF and @5crookedhalos me!) 1. Do you apologize to your kids? I have apologized to my son, in a letter. But I think I agree with Mama M on this one, if it is deserved then I will apologize. I try to apologize if I’m wrong, if I hurt someone, and if it is deserved. I’m trying NOT to apologize too much, you know the type, the ones who say SORRY allllll the time… 2. What color are your nails right now? My toes are a teal color, but my finger nails are not painted, I can’t keep nail polish on my finger nails for more than a few hours, they start to chip, it’s quite a dilemma since I have a basket full of nail polish…But I do get my toes done, which I might need to stop doing, since, again, I have a basket full of nail polish…(don’t believe me, here’s proof, and I think there are more since this picture was taken, lol) 3. When you were growing up, how difficult was it for you to stay home from school sick? (As in, did you have to vomit or just say "I don't feel good".) I honestly can’t remember. I think up until a certain point it was pretty hard, I had to be running a fever, but I think at some point it just got easier. But you know me and my memory, we’re not best friends… 4. When is the last time you bought a new comforter for your bed? maybe a year ago, when we redid our bedroom. we bought curtains and sheets too. I don’t forsee buying a new one any time soon, the one we have is doing the trick. 5. Favorite website(s)?
Oh geez…REALLY?!?! Hmm…where to start… www.swagbucks.com www.etsy.com www.blogger.com (duh) www.facebook.com (duh) www.twitter.com www.youtube.com www.doodlebugspaper.com www.tumblr.com www.amazon.com
Day 17 — Write a letter to: Someone from your childhood
Gosh, I have a lot of people from my childhood I’d love to write to…since we moved around a lot, and when it was before social media websites, we all lost contact. I’ve tried to find a few of them on facebook now, but I’m not sure where any of them are.
I guess I’ll just write to the ones I wish I had contact with again, and what I’d like to tell ya’ll is that I miss you. And I think of you, and wonder what our lives would have been like if we’d stayed in contact, or I hadn’t have moved. I know ya’ll were amazing because you made me feel so welcomed and loved when I was there. I know I remember you for that because so many people weren’t so nice to me. I do remember the ones who weren’t nice to me, but I don’t think I’ll waste my time. Thanks for the memories.
Tell me: A song that you hear often on the radio
I want to know: An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.) that is your favorite.
My Home is Where the Army sends us painted canvas! I can’t find a picture of it, and it has our last name on it, so I’m not going to take one.
I want to see A photo of you and your family.
Day 18 — Write a letter to: The person that you wish you could be
OH geez, this is rough, I’m not sure what to say…I guess I want to be more organized and better at cleaning. I just don’t know how to write a letter about that…because I’ve tried telling myself what to do in order to achieve those goals, but it doesn’t seem to help, LOL!
Tell me: A song that you wish you heard on the radio
I want to know: About your best friend.
Well, I have a few very best friends…They’re all loyal, loving, caring, there when I need them, and even if we don’t talk daily, it’s as if no time has passed when we do talk again. I love you girls so very very much, and I miss you all so much too. Even though we’re an ocean apart, you’re still my best friends
Day 15 — Write a letter to: The person you miss the most
that’d be my HUBBY – it’s been close to 2 months since he left, so here goes… I miss you so much every day, but know that I’m okay. I’m doing just fine. You are doing a great thing, and I’d be the biggest bitch on the planet if I weren’t supportive or having a hard time with the deployment. You don’t need the added stress from worrying about me back home. You need to focus on the mission and not me. And know that I’m doing great. I do miss you so much. And I do think about you all the time. I can’t wait to see you. <3
Tell me: A song that describes you
it’s something I’ve wanted to do my whole life, and it spoke to me, and I love it.
I want to know: A poem you wrote.
I don’t think I have any of my poem’s on this computer, and I haven’t written any in so long…
Show me Something you don’t leave the house without.
my cell phone
Day 16 — Write a letter to: Someone that’s not in your state/country
My sister – I miss you SO much and I hope I can get you out to Hawaii at some point. I love you so much and I’m so proud of you. You’re awesome. Love you.
Tell me: A song that you used to love but now hate
I want to know: A song that makes you cry (or nearly).
Show me Your celebrity crush.
this picture upsets me, I’m sad he’s married, but I’m married too, so I guess it’s okay, bahaha
Day 14 — Write a letter to: Someone you’ve drifted away from
There are a few people, and so this is for them… I’m so sorry we’ve drifted apart. I do think of you daily, and I only want you to be happy, and I think that part of that is to no longer speak. It hurts me, but if it’s what’s best then that’s that. I know I wasn’t acting grateful, but I know now that I did, and I’m sorry. I was grateful, and appreciative of all you did for me. I just hate that it took losing you to know that.
Tell me: A song that no one would expect you to love
I want to know: About the cuteness of your pets.
No pets……
I want to know A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Game of Thrones, Big Bang Theory, NCIS, NCIS:LA, General Hospital, Shameless, Mad Love, Mike & Molly, Modern Family, Cougar Town, The Middle, Jerseylicious, and some others…LOL, I know that is way more than A tv show, but those are all the ones I like right now….well, I like more, just can’t think of them, bahaha
Day 13 — Write a letter to: Someone you wish could forgive you
I guess anyone who hasn’t forgiven me for whatever reason, I’m not quite sure who I’ve done wrong, or why they are holding a grudge, so this will be just a blanket letter, or rather, writing, because it’s hard to write a letter asking someone to forgive you for something you don’t know you did =P I’m only human, and I know I’m not perfect. So there are people I’m sure are upset or not very happy with me. So, to them, I’m sorry, please forgive me, and know that whatever I did was not intentional and I will be glad to clear things up, if you come to me.
Tell me: A song that is a guilty pleasure
Sir Pyscho Sexy – Red Hot Chili Peppers
I want to know: How do you think others view you?
I’m not sure how they view me. I hope they view me as sweet and nice, and likeable. However, I know that some probably don’t. I think I’m like beer or fine wine, an acquired taste. I also speak my mind, and if I don’t agree with something that is going on around me, I might just let you know. For example, I have a huge problem with people who allow their children to be rude in public places where adults are trying to talk. And I know I don’t tolerate things like that well, but if your children can’t act right in public, then maybe you should either not go to things or get them a sitter. OR you could start to discipline your children. I mean, when an adult is speaking, you should be quiet. That’s respectful. You shouldn’t try to out do the adult, and you shouldn’t interrupt adults when they are speaking to another adult. It seems like common sense, but I’m surrounding by a ton of uneducated and trashy people, who don’t care what their children do. It’s getting to the point where I am not wanting to go to things any more. And I’m going to give this one thing one more try, and then I’m done. I know it will look bad on my part if I stop going to these things, but I can’t handle the disrespectful children, I have very little patience for adults who don’t make their children mind other adults, and when the adults don’t respect other adults by having their children be disrespectful. Anyways, with that being said, someone decided to give me dirty looks whenever I would speak up about not being able to hear, and to that person, give me all the dirty looks you want, because it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t like what was going on, and it doesn’t make me stop, in fact, you can give me all the dirty looks you want, because it doesn’t hurt my feelings. Besides, I know what type of person you are, and you’re not someone I want to waste my time on. It has taken me a while to come to these feelings, and I’m proud of myself. I do get my feelings hurt every once in a while, but I’m not dwelling on that any more. And if you have a problem with me, and I know about it, I’m not going to make a big deal about it, I won’t even ask you about it. But when I see you in person, you bet your ass I’ll be nice to you, ask how you’re doing, and move on. So for those who don’t like me, get over it, I’m not going to go anywhere. So there, a long answer…and it’s kind of all over the place, LOL! I think it takes a lot for a person to not care what other’s think of them, and I try very hard to not care. I think I’ve come a long way, but just like anyone, I have moments when I do care a lot.
Tell me Your favorite musician and why?
I don’t really have a favorite, I like a whole lot of different ones, and there are many reasons why I like each one, I just can’t think of them. HA!
So Saturday was Birth Mother's Day. I think I've written about it before. It's a day to remember the ones who selflessly gave a child up for adoption. I've never really actively celebrated. I usually just get a simple Happy Mother's Day on Mother's Day. But this year, I tried to go out of my way to make it special for a few of the Birth Mother's in my life.
I have never been acknowledged by the adoptive family for mother’s day. It kind of bummed me out, and it still does, I just try not to let it affect my mood. This year was no different. I got NOTHING from them for Mother’s Day. She was already a mother when they adopted the baby, but she was a mother again because of me. And I feel like they just don’t appreciate it. I am sure these feelings are normal, and are probably for nothing, but still, I have them. And I’ve never been one to push aside my feelings, or not voice them. At least on my blog, I would never tell them how I really felt because I don’t want to jeopardize the updates I am suppose to get every 6 months. Which, if my math is correct is this month. I always get so anxious waiting for them. And I’ve also gotten worried in the past that they won’t come. I’m trying really hard not to do it this time. And I think I’ve said it before, but I just hate being the person who worries and complains about things that are out of my control. It just sucks because we had such an open dialogue before the baby was born, and I honestly didn’t think it would change after, but it changed big time. They decided to unfriend me around Mother’s day after he was born. Talk about a low blow. It hurt me so much. I knew it was coming. I had a message from them a few months before telling me they were going to do it. I just didn’t think they’d wait so long, or do it around Mother’s Day. I know their reasoning behind it, and I completely understand. I just think it was wrong and rude. And because we were friends, and had such an open dialogue during the pregnancy I thought it would stay the same, so I didn’t put much in the openness agreement. In fact, I don’t really think we have one.
Anyways, this was suppose to be about Birth Mother’s Day and the controversy, I guess that can be for another day.
Day 12 — Write a letter to: The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
I hate to bet a dead horse, BUT this is my adoption blog, so the person who comes to mind is of course, the "sperm donor" - and he hurt me...and I'm afraid he's going to hurt his son, he just might not know it yet. (our son and "sperm donor") Dear "sperm donor" - I don't think of you often, at least not as much as I use to. And for that I'm so glad. You are SO not worth my time, but yet, I wasted so much time on you. I think it's time to let go, more than I have already. I just can't seem to wrap my head around the way you acted and the way you dealt with things. I bet your ex-girlfriend still doesn't "know" about all the girls you cheated on her with that produced your children. And that's her bad for not knowing her boyfriend was stepping out on her, but it's my bad for being reckless and stupid. I hope you apologized to her, I hope you groveled, and I hope you got everything you deserved. And I'm so grateful that you are no longer a part of my life, at least for now. And I hope that one day, our son can see what an ass his father was, and I hope one day you're there for him, like you should have been all along.
Tell me: A song from a band you hate Not so much a band, but a person, and it's more of a song I hate than a person I hate, because well, I don't know Rebecca Black, so I can't say if I hate her, but this song is horrible, and someone should have stopped her from putting it out.... UGH, can't stand this song....she can't sing and sounds horrible...and it's a stupid song....
I want to know: How you got one of your scars. Well, the one I think that I should talk about, because of what my blog is about, would be my c-section scar - I got that on Dec 10, 2008, It's pretty small, and I don't think you can see it, unless you're all up in my junk. And the doctor did a great job of putting it low enough that it doesn't get irritated when I wear jeans, although, some times it does. I had a c-section because my mid-wife thought my son would be 8 1/2 lbs, and my pelvis wasn't big enough, plus I was not progressing on my own, and he was just NOT ready to come out. By this time, the family was already in town, because it was the week of my due date, and my mid-wife said she wouldn't make me go pass my due date since I had gestational diabetes, and when she said she wanted me to wait another week I very nicely reminded her about not going pass my due date, which was Dec 11. I wanted to do it on the 10th because my birthday is July 10, and my brother's is Jan 10, and I thought it would be something neat to share with him, along with blood, LOL! So I had a scheduled c-section, and I am OKAY with having another one, I'd rather do that, than go into labor, and be in pain. It was GREAT! But every situation is different, and every hospital is different, so we'll see what happens next pregnancy.
Show me A photograph of the town you live in.
This is my favorite Chinese place in the city down the road from me, what's not pictured, is the strip club that is to the right, and the church that is to the left, LOL
Day 11 — Write a letter to: A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Gramps & Me
Momee and Me
Gramps, Me, Momee
Gramps, Sweetie, Me, Mom, Momee
My great-grandfather (Gramps) - I'd love to hug him and spend time with him. I'd like to think he's proud of me, even though, I've not done half the things I wanted to, yet. He died on Halloween 2005. I graduated with my Associates degree in education in the summer of 2006, and I wasn't going to go to graduation, and walk, but once he passed, I knew it was something I needed to do. I did it for him. On my wedding day, which just happened to be the anniversary of his death, which I didn't realize until after the fact, we had a candle lit for him and my great-grandmother. I wanted him to be apart of my wedding day, and I think he was in more ways than I had realized because of the date of our wedding. I still remember the last thing we talked about, he was 99 years old, he'd lived in a different time, and I think he worked on a farm, or did some sort of farming/gardening, because he asked me to help him plant corn. He was in a nursing home, but we had 24 hr nurses with him, and the gentlemen who was with him that day knew a little something about planting, and said you need a harvest moon, or he thought you needed a harvest moon. Well, shortly after that conversation, and shortly before his passing, I was driving to a friend's house, and low and behold, there was a harvest moon, in front of me, it was SO big, and bright, and I will always remember that night. Gramps passed a month and 1 day short of his 100th birthday. If he were here today, he'd be 105. I still have his phone number in my phone, and I've had 4 or 5 phones since he passed, and a new number, but I like seeing his name every now and then. I've never called the number, I probably never will, but I just can't bring myself to remove it. I think if he were here today, I'd ask him if he were proud of me, even though, I know his answer would be yes, no matter what I do. I am really sad he'll never meet his great-great grandchildren, but he'll watch over us from Heaven. Because I know he's up there with Momee (my great-grandmother) looking after us all. And I know Sweetie (my grandmother) is up there too. (This totally wasn't a letter, oh well, bahahaha)
Tell me: A song from your favorite band this song is fitting, since my husband is deployed...it's kind of our song....
I want to know: A story from your childhood. Oh gosh, a story from my childhood...let's see, I am going to go with my love for New Kids on the Block, and my grandmother feeding my addiction. My grandmother bought me everything NKOTB related, I had bed sheets, beach towels, backpacks, pencil bag, pencil sharpener, the Pins, ALL the dolls, every VHS with their music videos on them, the cassette tapes. My mother told me years later, when NSYNC came out that I was NOT to tell my grandmother that I liked them.
Tell me What’s in your makeup bag? Too much make up, that I don't wear! Ha!
Day 10 — Write a letter to: Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to Emily - I miss you so much every day! I loved getting to spend some quality time with you when I was home. I wish there was time and money for me to be able to come back and visit, but there just isn't. I can't wait to hug your neck, and hug K-bug's neck too! Too bad it'll be a while, but maybe hubs will be with me, and she'll love him just as much as last time, and will want to have something to do with me! Hehehe....She was so funny with that, and as much as it hurt my feelings, it melted my heart to see her take to the hubs so much! I wish you were here with me to help me get through this deployment like I was with you. But knowing that you're just a phone call away is easing my mind a lot! Maybe if you and the hubs hit it rich ya'll can come out here and see me!!!! LOVE YOU!!
Tell me: A song that makes you fall asleep Pretty much any Norah Jones - but this is a good one
I want to know: About a regret you have. Not being good at calling people. I've never been good at making phone calls. In fact, I think I piss people off, or make them think I don't care about them. And that just isn't it at all. I love everyone in my life, I just have the worlds worst memory. And I know part of why I don't call someone (a certain person) is because I don't want them to think I want something. Because that use to be the only time I called. And I feel so guilty about that.
Show me A photo of our favorite place to eat.
Anyone who knows me, knows the picture that I'm going to post, so without keeping ya'll in too much suspense, here it is:
Day 9 — Write a letter to: Someone you wish you could meet
Hmm, who do I want to meet...I am going to do something probably a little different here, and write to my bestie, who I've never met in person, but have been friends with for at least 5 years, maybe longer...and I'd LOVE to hang in real life with her...it might make me sound LAME, but I love my pen pal, and she's become such an amazing friend, and I would be lost without her! So, Mel - I just want to let you know how much I love you and can't wait to see you in person, I'd love to met the bubbas too! Hope all is well and that things work out for you. I miss you bunches, and hope we can continue to be as close as we are! You're the best friend a girl could ask for!! <3 Tell me: A song that you can dance to (I'm an overachiever and posted 2...lol) I love Rob Dyrdek - so here are two of his intro's to his shows, Fantasy Factory and Rob & Big (I am Not A Whore - LMAFO - Fantasy Factory)
(Do You Know(ping pong song) - Enrique Iqlesias - Rob & Big)
I want to know: A photo you took.
my neighbor's dog - Junebug!
I took it with my camera phone, but it is one of my faves!
Show me A photo of the item you last purchased.
Care package things: note pads, pens, envelopes, pillow, easter candy (terry's chocolate orange and godiva chocolate egg) and trash bags and not pictured 2 liter cokes (those last things aren't for the care package...)
